Babycrack: when wanting a baby gets weird

January 13 2011 | arielmstallings
smelling baby
Must … snort … baby. Photo by Stacy Benton, used by Creative Commons license

My name is Ariel, and I was a babycrack junkie.

I've mentioned babycrack a couple times here before, but I realize that I've never fully defined it. Babycrack is my way of explaining that at-times irrational urge to procreate.

Readers who have had experiences with addictive behavior will understand that there are times when the little voice in your head (that voice you normally trust; the voice that reminds you to pee, eat, or sneeze) does you wrong. Sometimes, that little voice suggests that you do another line of coke, drink another bottle of wine, play another game of blackjack or WoW, or take another toke off that crackpipe.

Your conscious brain sits there and says, "Oh no: that's not what I need right now. Not at all," but the hungry little ghost inside says, "Oh yes it is! Just one more line/sip/etc! Bet the farm: it doesn't matter…just hurry up! Grab the mirror and the razor blade! Pick up the glass tube pipe! For godsake β€” the time is now!"

That, my dear friends, is what being in my mid-20s felt like. I wasn't stupid: I knew that it wasn't the time to have a baby. My conscious brain said things like, "Gosh, I barely made rent and am totally emotionally unstable right now β€” probably not a good time to be thinking about reproduction," but babycrack brain says, "BUT LOOKIT LITTLE WIDDUM'S CUTIE WIDDLE BOTTOM!"

Before I had a baby, sometimes hanging out with friends' infants felt like doing a big fat line of quality-grade baby.

And now that I have a baby? I'm in a state of chronic overdose. And I like it!

  1. LOL, totally how I felt right before I got pregnant. You kind of summed up my entire life too. Barely making mortgage and student loan payments, completely emotionally unstable, at a new job… yep best time ever to take a hit of the babycrack.

    Damn the babycrack, and its inevitable cuteness factor win!!!

  2. Oh, Ariel! You hit the nail right on the head! I've been on babycrack since I was in my twenties… nay, since I was 16. I loved them. But I was always rational, until a certain point. Now my hubby and I are expecting our first in August. We cannot wait, but honestly, was it a really good time? Probably not. But heck, there is no real perfect time. There will always be something else. <3

    Thank you for making a morning sickness plagued woman laugh. Can't wait until baby baking is complete.

      • Ahaha, I'm 11 weeks tomorrow! <3 And I am with you. Well… I am excited about a growing belly, and hopefully being able to feel the belly monster move and kick. But besides this all day sickness and the birthing part… not exactly my first choice for things to do. :-p Then again… in the end, getting to know a life and spirit that started it's transition in you… I'm psyched! It is completely mind blowing.

  3. Gah! I totally get this. Not quite ready to have littles yet, but sometimes my biological clocks starts yelling TICK TICK TICK!!! Baby now please!! And so I babysit others littles and get my fix.

  4. I know this feeling very well! When I got married to my first husband at 18 I wanted one so bad, even though it made no sense to have one at that point in time. I didn't though, waited 4 yrs till I had my daughter. Now, I'm re-married, mother of 2, step-mother of 3. That's 5 between the two of us, and I want that baby-crack so bad! But I can't justify it with us having 5 kids between the 2 of us, especially in this economy. Also I've gotten rid of ALL my baby gear because I figured I was done. I have to keep reminding me to stick with the plan. πŸ™‚

    • i would say go for it if you want another one. there is no perfect time and i am sure some of the older kids would not mind babysitting. plus this last one will be so used to the chaos before he or she is born that they will fit right in. they grow so fast and are little for such a short period of time.

      • Please, PLEASE do not have children with the mindset of "Oh the other kids don't mind babysitting!" My mom did this to me, and I still resent her for this. I'm 20 with a 6yo sister. I've missed out on having my mom's full attention in so many aspects. My mom was too busy with my sister when I went through my first break up, getting ready for prom, first failed engagement, planning my wedding, the wedding itself, and photos after, moving into my own place, and even now when I call her our conversations are cut short because my little sister needs something. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death but DO NOT let the kids you have now miss out because of your want for more.

  5. Hello

    My name is Melanie, and I have been struggling with babycrack addiction for 5 years. Got sober for a year or so, then after getting a facebook and seeing everyone but me get pregnant, I quickly relapsed.

    Thank you all for your support.


    • I have been in the same situation for a while. My hubby is the same way. Thankfully I have a little niece that I can spend time with to get my fix for the now.

    • I'm a 31 year old and it seems like everyone's getting pregnant-except for me. We live in an apartment that is barely fit for human habitation, yet I still want a baby-my biological clock has been screaming at me for 15 years "have a baby NOWNOWNOW". It's so hard to wait, especially since I had hoped to be a mother by 28.

  6. Wow, that is exactly how I feel. Thus why I look at this site but have no children! I have a slight obsession to hang out with other peoples' kids to the point that I offer to babysit for free and then people think I'm crazy… I am 22 and not ready for a baby, but if I can borrow yours for a minute I will be happy.

    • Lol. I'm with you there. Lurking on parenting websites is how I get my fix. I'm weaning myself slowly though-trying to cut it back to only cruising through four days a week. It's a sickness I know!

          • I'm 20 (husbands 24) and I am experiencing babycrack for the first time, for about 6 months now I have been absolutely obsessed with being a mommy, my body constantly telling me to procreate. We finally sat down and had a serious conversation about it, the money, the time, the rules, and basically the husband says he doesn't think we will be ready for a child for about 8 more years. I CANNOT wait that long. I am heartbroken over it. Even though I know the longer I can wait the better it will be, I just cant get over my baby-crazy, idk what to do.

      • In my "puppy-crack" stage, I would google image search "puppies," as well as reading 10 books on dog training. One rescue mutt later…

        Now my brain has moved onto its "baby-crack" stage. This is terrifying. I always thought I'd have 15 dogs and no kids. Google image "babies" does NOTHING for it though, unless it's puppies AND babies. I'm more about reading parenting articles AND THIS SITE to get my fix.

  7. Hi, my name is K and I'm a recovering Babycrack junkie. I was completely nutters when I was trying for my son, and then after he was born, and we finally got around to sleeping through the night (2 years later OMG.)I heard that hungry ghost again (LOVE that term, it's so perfect). I'm trying to kick the habit now, but it's so tough. Hormones are a BITCH!! πŸ˜‰

  8. I never wanted kids when I was younger. I didn't even want kids when I had my daughter (as horrible as that sounds, once I had her I realized that I did, in fact, think life was improved by motherhood and really got into it). I assumed that I was just one of those women who was not equipped with a biological clock.

    Then I started dating my fiance.

    Not only do I have a biological clock, as it turns out, but about 20 hours a day it's like "TICK TOCK MOTHERFUCKER. TICK. FUCKING. TOCK." I don't care that I'm unemployed. I don't care that we're not living together, because he was unemployed before I was. I don't care AT ALL that we're not married. All I know is, it is ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that I have another child as soon as humanly possible, often to the annoyance of my darling Andrew, who in his generosity agreed that I could go off of my birth control as soon as we're living together, although he has expressed his opinion that a "herd of children" is probably too many for us. Being around other people's kids doesn't seem to satisfy the craving, either.

    Fingers crossed. Won't have to wait much longer.

    • I scrolled down, reading comments while formulating my own response… and you've already done it! You are my babycrack twin here, down to the fiance living in a different house and the daughter you weren't sure about since you didn't want kids and that damned TICKING clock. Oh lordy.

      Thank god I am going tomorrow for the birth control implant in my arm, because I am liable to do something crazy. Like have a baby before I'm really ready and done with school. That would be a bad situation for me!

    • "TICK TOCK MOTHERFUCKER. TICK. FUCKING. TOCK." SERIOUSLY. I have this constant "babybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby" running through my mind with practically every waking moment. It started when I turned 25 and was married to my (terrible) ex-husband, and got really bad when I met my fiance. He is going to be an excellent babydaddy, and my body really wants that to happen.

      I do FAM and I ovulated unexpectedly early this past cycle, two days after we had unprotected sex. I should have been fertile then, and was half excited, half terrified that I got pregnant. I got my period and was really bummed out for a few days. We're both grad students and barely make enough money to support ourselves, and we're living apart and will be for at least the rest of the year. This is seriously a bad time to have a baby, but I want one so, so badly.

      I'm 32, so I have the extra worries about becoming infertile. Especially now after not getting pregnant last month.

    • i no just what you men im 22 soon 23 i have been married 2 years, right after we got married i fond out i was going to have a baby but i only had the baby for 4 months πŸ™ , so now i have no job and we all know it hard to make ends meet . becuz of what happined last time now my hubby dont wont to have any (but my clock is saying yes NOW )so we had to make a deal to work on it and im hoping in one year to have a baby so fare he likes the deal lol, but your lucky you have a man who loves you and Wont's to have kid

    • Hi, are you me? We're in a similar place. Didn't want one til I had one, now I want another baby so bad. Every time I see one I sing to myself "wait til I get my money right". the fiancΓ© ans I are just starting good jobs but the math is not on our side. Hope we all get what we need soon!

  9. hi my name is Lacey and im a babycrack addict! i have 2 kids already and i want a 3rd so badly lol im probably driving my husband nuts. we have the perfect lil family 1 of each and we are just making it as it is financially. but our family has so much love and i just keep justifying it that it will work out. all rationality in me says that we are good just as we are but than that lil voice chimes in! damn you lil voice!

  10. How many times a day to I smoke that babycrack pipe? I bought my first pregnancy book when I was sixteen. Ten years later, I'm stalking mothering blogs when I should be working. I'm hoping for relief sometime this year after I get married. Thanks for addressing our condition, Ariel!

  11. Hi, my name is Syd. And I'm a babycrack addict.

    I sometimes wonder if my son will think it's totally normal for someone to come up to him and huff his neck like a junkie. Mmmm. Baby. Mmm.

  12. I had a touch of the babycrack addiction until I got pregnant. Then it all went away. Now I feel quite shocked that I'm actually pregnant and growing a human inside of me. It's very surreal and very, very strange. Don't get me wrong, I love my little fetus and I'm sure I'll fall fiercely in love with her once she's out, but right now perhaps it's just babycrack overload. And I'm due in five weeks.

    • This was totally me! And now? I am smitten with my 4 1/2 month old daughter and secretly semi-hoping my mini-pill fails so I can have more! More! More!!! If I weren't also very, very rational, we'd be in big trouble!

  13. hello my name is Jill and I am a babycrack addict. I am a mother of a four year old, teach montessori preschool ( ten toddlers five days a week) and I still cannot ignore that internal clock. You would think that potty training children all day long, all year long would be fix enough. however, alas, I find myself perusing baby name websites. I know, I'm sick!

  14. It's crazy that you posted this as this has been on my mind constantly of late! No matter that I am single and in the middle of a messy custody battle for my oldest, or the fact I am still in school. That damn clock has been ticking SO loud ever since my 27th birthday! I already have two fabulous kids, and am really not that old. But that voice is screaming at me "I WANT ANOTHER BABY". Insane!

  15. I'm living this right now. I KNOW i shouldn't have babies right now. I KNOW my bf wants nothing to do with fatherhood right now and possibly ever, but that clock is pounding away an dit's no longer at the back of my mind in a box somewhere, it's sitting right there. And the closer i get to 30, the louder it gets (i'm 27, about to turn 28 in a month). :Sigh: and Offbeatmama just keeps providing that crack too. I know I shouldn't be on here but it can't help it! ahhrggghhhh

  16. YES. My not-then husband didn't even know if he wanted kids, and we couldn't even get on the same page about marriage, and I used to weep if my period was 20 minutes late and I had started imagining baby bliss. It caused a lot of contention, and an almost-breakup once.

    One morning, I woke up and had come to peace with the fact that it would be years until we decided to have a baby, that there was lots we could do without a baby — turns out when I had this moment of clarity I was already pregnant.

    Now that we're married and loving parenthood, that stupid little voice is going, "IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER RIGHT-FUCKING-NOW."

    It's crazy.

  17. Ariel-
    Your post is freakishly well timed. I thought I had my baby crack addiction beat at least for now, then last night my brother told me that he and his wife are expecting their first and BOOM- yep, it's back with a vengeance, like whoa. All I could think was 'me too! me too! I wanna snort babies too!!!' Hubby and I totally have a plan, but I was ready last night to say the hell with all of it in the midst of the glazed over addict mode.
    Holy hell, baby crack is like no other, grabs you and just doesn't let go.

  18. I got hit with a bad case of babycrack at age 33, when my fertility was probably already waning. (Although at the time I was a preoccupied grad student who was blithely unaware of my biological clock.) My husband and I had been married for 9 years, both of us in grad school the entire time. The conclusion of our respective PhD programs was still on a distant horizon. Although we both wanted kids, we didn't really plan *when* we'd have said kids–which is a not an advisable non-strategy when you're both in your 30s and both of you are in the perpetual apprenticeship of humanities PhD programs.

    Fortunately for us and for our chances of conception, I was jolted out of my complacency by a sudden case of babycrack. I was living in Cuba for 15 months while conducting dissertation research on–of all things–an Afro-Cuban (Santeria) fertility goddess. Toward the end of my time in Cuba, I was living in Havana in a tiny apartment, and hosting a crowd of Cuban friends at a big party in honor of my 33rd birthday. In the din of salsa music, dance and laughter, my husband called from the U.S. to wish me a happy birthday. I drunkenly blurted into the crackling phone line: "We've gotta have a baby! Now!" My husband, who was 35 at the time, laughed and said that he looked forward to trying as soon as I returned home in 6 weeks. I stopped taking my birth control pills right then in preparation. Less than 2 months after I got home, I was pregnant.

    When I called a Cuban friend to tell them the news of my pregnancy, they were unsurprised and smug: Of course I was pregnant. Did I think that because I'm a smart North American, that I'd be immune to the influence of their Santeria fertility goddess?

    Oh, and the kicker: the baby's due date coincided with the annual feast day of the Afro-Cuban fertility goddess. Coincidence? My Cuban friends wanted me to name my child after the Catholic saint that is syncretized with the Santeria fertility goddess. I demerred, not wanting to appear so vain as to name my daughter after her mother's dissertation project!

    Postlude: I had another crazy case of babycrack while recovering in the delivery room after giving birth to baby #1. In a dreamy haze of percocet and oxytocin, I creaked, "I already want another one!" I never went back on birthcontrol, and 22 months later, baby #2 was born.

  19. Ugh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

    I'm 23, living with a wonderful boyfriend (and puggle), and — literally — can't go a day without thinking about how badly I want a child. It's maddening.

  20. I too, especially now, am a babycrack addict. i cannot stop thinking about it, i spend all day with kids and just cant get enough. i want my own!

  21. I understand this babycrack thing waaaay more than I'd like to at 19 years old. I didn't think I wanted too many children, and not until "like, way way later, man"… until there was a wave of unplanned pregnancies in my graduating class from high school. The baby-having finally seems to be wrapping up, but the past year and a half or so has seen 20 babies born that I'm aware of. I'm not one to give into peer pressure, but damn. So many cute babies.

  22. I was unaware of what a babycrack addict I was until I read this post. It's not normal for a 20 something engaged woman to daydream about her future children ALL FUCKING DAY?! To have their names picked out? To have their future nursery/space colors and style picked out? To know what local thrift stores have the biggest/cheapest selection of baby items? To read every post on this website and about 10 other baby/mama blogs? Yikes. I need a baby or rehab asap.

    • I am so glad that I'm not the only one that does this. I scope out the thrift stores all the time and sometimes I see something and think "oh, this would go great in my baby room! but wait… I don't have a baby."

  23. This is totally me! I'm 29 years old and have been married for a whole 3 months and i need a baby NOW!!! I've been desperate to get pregnant for as long as i can remember, somehow i've sensibly waited. We finally agreed to start trying next month and i went and had all the pre-conception blood tests to make sure everything was in order and got the news that i have hyperthyroidism and my doctor has told me i'm not allowed to get pregnant. Devastated. I don't know how much longer i can hold off! I have a stash of pregnancy magazines under my bed(it's my form of porn!) and a growing collection of baby clothes hiding in my wardrobe. It's killing me!

  24. Conversation that happened just yesterday:

    Me: "So… what do you think about maybe trying to get pregnant starting in March?"
    Husband: "Wow, that's about what I was thinking! Although probably April or May would be better."

    Seriously, what is this crack and what has it done to my rational brain?

  25. Gosh, I can totally relate to you guys, but in my case it's the weddingcrack (or marriagecrack). I've been dying to marry my honey for more than two years, but he's just not in a good place now and I don't want to pressure him, because that would just make it worse. But I can't help myself, I think about marrying him ALL THE TIME.
    I don't want to think about the babycrack junkie I'll become went I start wanting babies.

    • Ever since I was 16 I've been reading a lot of self help books and marriage was always something I wanted to be prepared for but wasn't in a rush for. Then halfway during being 23 the marriagecrack appeared (after reading Harville Hendrix). I followed his advice and did lots of utilitarian dating (dating widely instead of prejudging people while avoiding commitment until I met an "imago" match) and when I found chemistry with my current fiance I told him up front that after about a year of dating ("learning experience") he should know whether or not he wants to marry me or whether he wants to set me free (no way was I going to settle for an indefinite relationship when my goal was marriage, if he didn't want to marry me then I wanted to be free and single so the next imago match could have that option). Luckily he chose to propose (when I was 24), but I was totally prepared to be broken up with also.

      My baby clock hasn't started ticking yet (I just turned 27) but weirdly over the last year I started becoming obsessed with finding out how to not screw kids up (now that I feel I've done plenty of reading on how not to screw a marriage up). I guess now I'm just waiting for that moment to hit where it stops being a "want a baby one day" to a "want a baby ASAP" … I always told myself I would start trying to conceive at 29 before my fertility dropped as otherwise there's a chance I'd be one of those people who all of a sudden at age 52 suddenly went "hang on, I do want a baby after all" and it being way too late. So now recently I've started trying to get us into a financial position where it would be an option at 29, but I'm not sure whether that's the smartest idea given that my biological clock is still completely silent. If we are in a position where I'm prepared (from my obsession about reading about other people having children) and our relationship is still as amazingly stable as it is now and we've spent two years saving, is that a sufficient enough reason to go get pregnant just so that I don't suddenly wake up at age 52 with regret?

      Something that baffles me even further is all the mothers I know that have grown up kids being desperate for grandchildren (despite all my preparing I'm still worried that my own kid would be a mountain of hard work let alone someone else's, even if they are related). I guess I'll find that out as soon as I have a child.

      However yeah my marriagecrack was helped by me being up front with the person that interested me. If he had said "I don't see marriage as something I want in the near future" then I would have tried to keep it to a few fun dates and leave it at that without becoming too emotionally invested.

      Interestingly though my marriage obsession was never about the wedding … I was just desperate to be part of a lifelong team, the sooner and quicker and easier the better. It's fascinating to read about the majority of women whose biological clocks are louder than mine though and given my marriagecrack I do understand how uncomfortable it must be to want something more than anything yet have to try to be patient and respectful and sensible about it.

      • I can relate a lot to your posts Naomi. I am also a huge researcher/planner. Was researching relationships/marriage techniques etc before finding the guy – then once I found the right guy, the marriage crack hit me hard!

        I've been researching babies/kids etc for about a year and a half now, which was before we decided when/how many.

        I'd always known that if I was going to have kids though, that I wanted to be *finished* procreating by 30 years old. I'm not a high energy person and I know running around after toddlers in my late 30's/early 40's is not for me. I knew I wanted to be young enough to party with them when they were older, not have a huge generational gap between us and have a long time with my grandkids.

        A few days after our wedding, I thought "well, we've got the house, decent income, stable jobs, great support network, hubby has the babycrack, so why not? Not getting any younger."

        If we sat around waiting for *me* to feel the baby cravings or biological clock ticking we might be waiting forever.

        So now I'm 26 years old, 30 weeks pregnant with our first, and even though I've never felt the babycrack, I'm happy and excited.

        I dont think you need to be obsessed with babies or cooing over tiny socks to be ready to start a family. Your reasons to start at 29 (regardless of babycrack or lack thereof) sound as good as any to other to me.

  26. ahhhhhhhahahhaha this cracked me up. I am such a junkie. Yeah I have baby names and and all the furniture and decor picked out for nursery. I scan the net looking for awesome baby blogs and clothes and… yeah. I am so happy I am not the only one. I feel somewhat psycho sometimes and yeah I do HIDE it like an addiction! ah well. bring on more crack.

  27. I had an abortion 4 years ago, and I've had serious baby-crack issues since then- really nothing has changed- I'm still studying, still poor, still don't have a real home and now I'm single. It feels an injustice to the babies I said I couldn't have to have another in the same circumstances. My mindset has changed recently, I realised that if I did get pregnant now, even though the circumstances are bad, I would not have another abortion- which has put me in the frame of mind of "well now isn't ideal, what do I have to change first". I feel a lot better about it, although obviously the babycrack hasn't gone away as I'm here on offbeatmama when I should be writing essays!

  28. You know who has been snorting the babycrack in my family? My parents. They have been bugging me for years to have a baby, like when I was single and about to start my surgical internship. Super bad time to try and have a baby, by the way. Now that I'm married and almost done with residency and 8.5 months pregnant, my parents couldn't be happier. In fact, I've never seen them so excited in my entire life.

    • HA! that sounds familiar — i'm 4.5 years into a 5 year ortho residency – had zero interest in kids until i woke up one day a couple months ago and my body just said NOW. like, all concern went right out the window. and now that i'm nearing the end of residency and life/rotations is/are a little more calm, (applying for fellowship now — there is a light at the end of the tunnel!) we're going off BC in april. :O

      • Another physician on OBM! I'm an anesthesia resident at the UW and am doing an OB anesthesia fellowship next year. Good luck finishing up residency, getting into fellowship and getting pregnant. Just don't forget to double lead. By the way, double leading is really heavy and just might make nausea worse in the first trimester, especially if you wear a thyroid shield.

        • yeah i have a lightweight apron and will add a wraparound/skirt for the bottom on top of that. makes for a long case.

    • My mum is a total babycrack addict!! She had 5 kids and is now obsessed with getting more grandkids (4 so far is not enough).

      When I was 23 (and single) she would always remind me "you know, I had 3 kids by your age…you dont want to wait too long"

      One time at the airport there was a mother struggling with luggage and a baby – does my mum offer to help with the luggage? No, she insists on taking the woman's baby for her! Lucky the woman didnt mind, but I thought (while watching my mum smell the baby's head deeply) that she was a crazy woman.

      Somehow I've never felt the babycrack calling me and I'm pretty thankful for that.

    • My husband's stepmother asked my father when we were having kids at our wedding! My parents were a bit dumbstruck. We got asked directly at Thanksgiving too. Give us a little time. (And don't remind me of my babycrack addiction) Not yet… Not yet… Not yet… Oh please!!!! I want one.

      So yeah I understand parental babycrack addiction. (I think it is the great-nieces and nephews that have been showing up recently in their family)

  29. I am definitely a victim (willing participant?) of babycrack! My husband and I are waiting until our income levels more closely match our education levels. Just about everyday I have an urge to tell him, "That's it. I'm done with birth control. Let's make a baby". It is also frustrating to see LOTS of people around me procreating without regard for the very things that make me cautious- it only adds fuel to the "Let's make a baby" fire.

  30. This is me, we've been working on it for a while so to quell the addiction I have been obsessing over cloth diapers. It takes my focus off of the real stuff as I'm so impulsive we would have a nursery by now. Instead (due to my semi self control) I know everything there is to know about cloth diapering including how to make them and the best pattern to use. It's like using nicotine patches.

  31. The other day, a friend of mine asked me what it was like to want to have a baby–she's not there yet and was curious to find out about my ever-worsening omglookatthatbaby–maybeicansmellitsheadjustforasecond? psychosis. I likened it to wanting a cigarette–but the craving doesn't go away after ten minutes. Glad to hear that lots of other mamas-to-be (and mamas!) are having the same feeling. *twitchshaketwitch*

  32. Reading this post and comments has been very interesting. I have never felt the babycrack vibe, not in my teens, not in my early or mid twenties. I've hit my late twenties now and still haven't felt it. I enjoy working with kids (do that as part of my job) I enjoy hanging out with with the kidlets in my life and love being an auntie and godmother, but I've never felt the desire for my own. Maybe that will change, maybe it won't. Oddly enough, reading these posts helps me be at peace with my current decision not to have my own children. Knowing that some people have a strong desire to have babies and that their desire is valid and okay to feel helps me own my own feelings while still respecting where my mama-friends are coming from. This one of the reasons I love Offbeat Mama! That and all the great child-rearing/crafting/life advice/maternity photos…helps me be the best auntie I can be and support my mama friends πŸ™‚

  33. My name is Cortney and I have been a babycrack addict since…. childhood. I've always been what my mother lovingly called "a little mama". I went nuts with baby dolls, I babysat younger cousins & every other kid in the neighborhood. I was just biologically engineered to be a mom.

    Now, a financially unstable art student, unmarried & in a long distance relationship with another broke artist on a separate continent, and a very vigilant pill popper, I am not having babies any time soon.

    My fix? My brother's almost three year old daughter. That girl is my safety net, the thing that keeps me grounded. Nothing wakes you out of your babycrack delusions of names, cloth diapers, and home made babyfood faster than a 3 year old throwing a huge temper tantrum. God, love her. <3

  34. Thank you so much for this post! I'm only 21 and dealing with this so much. I'm not even in a stable relationship (long story, "seeing" ex's best friend but I'm still in love with my ex) and I've noticed the babycrack since about the 5th month into my previous relationship. It drives me crazy, but if the right man comes along and when I'm done undergrad, I'm willing… That's my hope right now!

  35. I had a baby at young age. She's now a preschooler. I want another baby so bad though I know now is not the right time or place. I want to at least wait until Hubby and I finish college before having another child but sometimes that is hard. So yeah, I know the feeling.

  36. Well, I was having a baby crack free day until I read this post. Now my eyes are welling up cause the desire to have a baby is sometimes like a physical ache.

    I didn't understand the whole biological clock thing at all until about two years ago. I was on the fence about having kids, until one day I was laying in bed with my fiance and I heard my DNA speaking to me. "Have his baby!" cried my genes.

    Sometimes my rational mind can shut them up for a bit, but it's getting harder. My rational mind knows that we have a plan and the plan is to start trying next spring… First we want to get married, go have a rocking time on our honeymoon, move to a bigger place so it's not all stressful moving while I'm preggers… But it's hard. Especially when my mom reminds me you can't plan everything (I was an accident, as was my sister).

    Just gotta keep popping my anti-baby pills. I now get my fiance to remind me via text half an hour after I'm supposed to take them, just in case I miss my phone alarm. I'm so paranoid I'll miss a pill after somehow missing one last week.

    Just keep breathing… One more year…

    • Birth control pills suppressed my baby-crack for quite awhile, BUT IT'S NOT WORKING ANYMORE! I commiserate!

  37. Hi, my name is Elisabeth, and I'm a Babycrack addict.

    Married since November, and barely making rent. BUT OMG BABY. I MUST HAVE ONE. I hate going to work (granted, I didn't like my job to being with), I'm looking at my friends who have babies and are stay at home moms and I'm like "D'awwww I waunna do that! Or.. work part time and do that! I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT". And I *WANT* to do that. With my amazing husband who I believe will be an amazing father! My family was all kinds of screwed up, and a huge part of me is craving a loving, stable, wacky family of my own.

    SO, most of my brain is saying hold off, until we're, you know, making rent comfortably. Then I see little tiny socks in a store, and…off I go!

    I think maybe we'll get a puppy first. Corgi's are a whole lotta cute…

  38. Aw man, I have three and at least once a month I look at my husband with a big doe gaze and say, "we should have another" But then I step in milk, or get a headbutt to the labret, or break up a fight over the spiderman mask, and it passes… πŸ™‚

  39. um THIS.
    I have always had a strong maternal instinct. When I was thirteen I saved up two hundered buks for a life like-weighted baby doll.
    My senior year of high school they had the robo baby class. I got sooo attached to robo baby that once i gave her back i started dreaming about her, thinking i heard her crying in the middle of the night. I had withdrawls. I asked the teacher if I could do it again. the answer was no.(baby girl was name 'misha' a nod to my fav series and character "hannible lecter/silence of the lambs")
    NOW I still need a baby. but I know i shouldnt have one, We aren not finacnially stable enough and we are trying to do this whole wedding thing, and id like to have a few married years under my belt.
    Thats my rational side, but my unrational side makes me cry sometimes for the longing to have a child.

    Sometimes I miss the feeling of having a child on my hip, even though ive only held one child like that.
    I daydream about being up late in the middle of the night waiting for Andrew(fiance) to come home so kiss his child goodnight.
    But I HAVE TO wait, so i can be as good a mother as i can πŸ™‚

  40. our baby son is 4 1/2 months old and what do I do on my weekly baby free bath? i read name books to find out how to call number 2. (which is soooo not due until another two years, but still… IΒ΄m thinking Iris, btw. πŸ˜‰
    also scared the hubby to death when he walked in ..

  41. I have a 17 month old and a 2 month old and I already hear that little voice telling me to do it again!!! I know it's not rational but there is something addictive about giving life. I have to keep telling myself that maybe you want lots of babies but you don't want lots of teenagers πŸ™‚

    • Haha yes! That is always how I get myself off the babycrack. I just think of my baby as a teenager losing their virginity or taking crazy chances or any of the number of things that made my parents sad (which annoyed me at the time), and then I'm like "Okay no babies ever!"

  42. I can totally relate to this!!!! AS a matter of fact, It wasn't until I went to see a spiritual medium, for a totally unrelated reason, who told me not to have any babies for at least two years that I finally accepted that it wasn't time. I was heartbroken of course. But after I truly accepted it and started to look forward to things w/o baby that within a couple of months……I was pregnant!!! Wasn't even trying…

  43. I've been feeling this pretty bad since I found out my sister-in-law was having a baby a few months ago. About fifteen minutes after I read this article, my other sister-in-law called to tell me she was pregnant! I don't know how much longer I can hold out!

  44. I never suffered from baby crack until we already had our first baby. Mainline time for me is when I stop breastfeeding them. Hormone hell makes me NEED another baby. Yes, NEED one. I finally have this semi under control, after feeding the need 3 times. Yes, that means four bubs. Our eldest is 10.
    Our youngest is now 3, and I have been 'clean' for 2 years. The pangs still hit at times, but I can now call myself a recovering baby crackaholic.
    The further I get away from changing bums and being chucked up on, the better my recovery gets.

  45. ah!! i thought I was alone too! For the past two years everytime I go to a store like target or past baby stores I hold my (nonexistent) stomach and pretend to be a month or two pregnant so no one gives me weird looks :0) even my fiance gets into the act by going into the crib section and rubbing my stomach. silly kid.Im pretty sure he has more of a babycrack addiction then I do! makes it difficult to plan sensibly to wait a few years after marriage when he gets all puppy dog eyed about the whole thing!

  46. I am definitely experiencing babycrack. My mind is constantly on babies. I just need to wait a little bit longer so that I can get maternity leave from work…

  47. I'm not alone! *weeps in relief*. I'm 21 now, engaged,finishing up undergrad,and looking forward to grad school. And developing a growing addiction to wedding and baby shows and websites. The crazy thing is I'm terrified of becoming pregnant at this very moment, but I still can't help wanting a baby…

  48. I agree! Everyone is having babies and it makes me want one too! I can't wait to get married and hopefully we will have it together enough to start a family! 10 months til' the wedding! πŸ™‚

  49. This is driving me slightly mad. I work in an office where I'm pretty much expected to stop and drop what I'm doing to entertain little kids who come in with their parents.
    The clock is definitely ticking, as much as I hate to admit it. I haven't completely come to terms with wanting a child right away – we planned on waiting so I could work on some sort of career – but it looks like we can't wait anymore… Taking it one tic-at-a-time for now.
    I really enjoyed your post it made me feel really.. … … normal.

  50. Totally what I'm going through! Our first pregnancy was a complete surprise, now that we've been trying NOT to get pregnant for 2 years I'm having that tug-o-war in my head.. "I want my kids close, I want to be a young mom, If I dont do it now I never will.." and the other part saying "I want a house first, I want to be able to pay the midwife out right etc" UGHHHHH

  51. Holy crap yes.

    I've been fighting Baby Fever for way too long given that I'm only in my early twenties. I have decided that the best way to treat the disorder until I have, I don't know, a place to live and steady income of some sort, is to try to get as healthy and fit as I can to prepare my body, and to start a hope chest filled with lots of little baby things (I can also pilfer as needed as friends and family have babies–that way I can make super girly frilly things as well as more neutral things).

    • sounds like a perfect way to deal with Baby Fever – try to get your body as healthy as possible, start a baby savings account (I'm personally too overcautious to actually start accumulating baby things in case I end up being infertile), read Offbeat Mama and other websites and books to inform yourself … that way you will be in a position where it is "sensible" to have a kid much much sooner

  52. MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. 25 and I finally got my baby, and oh my god I look at her face and freak out. Not just a baby! My Baby! How did I get so fantastically lucky!?! She's 11 days old and I'd like to start having more… right away. Ack, baby crack.

    • that's the only scary part about the comments in this thread, that apparently having a baby doesn't solve the craving πŸ™ (not blaming you at all, but yeah you would hope it would be more like other addictions where you have a bit more space and relief and peace before your next craving hits).

      My biological clock is not ticking yet and I hope to only have one child if any, but I am worried that not only will I understand baby cravings once I have one but that my pre-decision of only having one (which I feel is all I could handle) will fly out the window.

  53. I have been trying to keep mine underwraps lately. I used to talkn about it with a wistful look in my eye, BUT whenever I talked about no one ever had the answer I wanted you know "you should totaly do it now" or "honey I agree lets try to have a baby now, I'm sure you can finish your masters in voice performance give a senior recital and audition for opera companies with a gigantic baby bump, of course" yeah so I've been silent. Silently of course given my husbands desire to have a happy accident but reluctancy to plan I think I'll plan on getting prego in august lol crack baby crack

  54. Oh, me too! I dream babies. Its awful. Now is not the time! Married 4.5 months and we have plans next year that do not involve babies. Maybe after that, but I am not convinced that we can have me in grad school (and actually finish) and him working his job (supposedly flexible, but he works 60-80+ hours a week and I don't actually see him cutting back) have a baby and stay sane and married. And the biological clock is ticking. I'm 28 and I am totally with the "Tick Tock Motherfucker, Tick Fucking Tock" crowd.

  55. I have a daughter who is 6 months old and i feel very strongly about only having 2 kids. I am really struggling with desire to have another baby soon vs. the huge desire I will probably feel after the 2nd when i am "done" having kids. I'm pretty sure if the world weren't already way too full I would have at least 5 kids.:/ belch

  56. Im a babycrack addict as well besides I feel that now is the PERFECT time! My husband and I have been together for 5 years, we have money in the bank, are homeowners and both have steady careers…..We've been doing the deed w/o protection for 9 mo now and actively trying to conceive for 4 of those….and it hasn't happened yet!

  57. I think wee need a babycrack support group. I was married in August and we just bought a house in December. I have been with my husband for 5 yrs before we were married. I knew we needed to wait for kids and we did. Over the last year the babycrack has taken over. I would like to stop Not-NOT trying, however the hubby wants to wait till we are more settled in. (He's a worrier) Good luck to everyone trying to stay away from the babycrack, keep strong.

  58. I'm a reader that doesn't have children and has chosen not to have any. I find the site to be a great, supportive community for parenting. I think the tone of acceptance and openness is what makes me curious to see what's out there. (And the site is a great resource when I have to throw showers, attend bday parties, give gifts, etc.)

    Anyway, this blog entry left me feeling a little… put off. I think I felt this "baby crack" when I was in high school, but I account a lot of that to being a very busy baby-sitter and "I thought that's how life is supposed to progress" naivete. I'm 29 yrs old, financially stable, done with school, and in a committed relationship. Conditions are perfect for babycrack. But since high school, I have never felt that urge again.

    This post and the comments that follow… they make me feel like something's wrong with me.

    • I'm sorry you feel that way, Val. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with you, and the intention of this post certainly was not to say, "if you don't feel this way, something's wrong with you."

      In fact, that title of my post refers to babycrack as "weird." If anything, my goal was to point at the irrational desire to have children as the "otherness." It was a very foreign sensation for me.

    • it is "weird" but that's ok. Val, no one is saying because you don't feel the same us all these crazy ladies (me included) doesn't mean there is something wrong with you nor is it implied.

      There are all kinds of offbeat situations featured here on offbeat mama, I think what is nice about a variety being featured is that every once in a while you go OOOOHHH thats so me! You don't feel like there is something wrong with you when you don't connect personally with the other articles, do you?

    • Dont worry Val, I'm 26, currently pregnant with my first (planned) and I have NEVER in my life felt clucky or the inklings of this baby crack.

      My husband is the clucky type but I decided having kids was right for me from a logical, thought out place rather than an emotional one.

      We may not be in the majority of women, but there is certainly nothing wrong with us!

      • i appreciate your post, jesscar. after i put up my comments, it became a subject of conversation among a few female friends and with my partner.

        a couple of people asked if it was an issue of being able to relate or not relate to the article and commentators. my partner asked me "why on earth are you reading this blog in the first place? you're not a bride or a mama!" in part, it was an inability to relate, but i didn't want to dismiss my feelings. relate or not relate, there was a definite reaction to it. the consensus was though baby fever or no baby fever… no matter what side of the fence, it's all normal.

        i guess it became a question if there was a chemical (something biological) that was missing b/c i've always known there is the emotional chip that could take me as far as "oh that baby is cute" but never to "I must have one" (shoes on the other hand is all emotions – I MUST have them all).

        i'm glad to see someone identified the biological and emotional drive to wanting babies… or lack there of. i think it's a good thing to examine regardless of where you find yourself.

        all the best to you, your "clucky" husband, and baby to come.

      • Personally, I am trying to distinguish between my actual logical desires and the hormonal drive…it's hard. You aren't just having a cute little baby, you are bring another PERSON into the world. The logical side of me was able to arrive at "do I want kids?" by first considering if I wanted adult children, then teenagers, then preteens, etc. This all happened (luckily) before the babycrack, so I think my logical brain made the decision.

        As a logical person blindsided by this babycrack, I have to say that I think the logical decisions are more sound than the hormonal ones…but the hormonal ones still influence your life daily!

    • Nope nothing wrong with you πŸ™‚ I'm supposed nearing period before my fertility starts its slow decline (late twenties) and my body still hasn't kicked in any sort of biological desire.

      I am obsessed about reading about how to not screw kids up though (not sure why exactly) … though still weirdly this doesn't translate into any sort of strong feeling of wanting one of my own. I am thankful that Offbeat Mama has prepared me with real birth stories and real information about breastfeeding and forcing me to consider important topics that would have never occurred to me so that hopefully I will be well prepared if an accident or biological clock suddenly decides to make itself known.

      And having had a case of marriage-crack I understand desperately wanting something more than anything else ever before while trying to be patient and sensible and respectful to my partner. I think that's why despite being straight I'm a big supporter of homosexuals being allowed to marry (I went to a course on how to better campaign just this morning) – I love everything about marriage and hate the idea that they don't have the choice to have their marriages recognised by society as as valid and special as my own.

      • >I am obsessed about reading about how not screw kids up though (not sure why exactly) … though still weirdly this doesn't translate into any sort of strong feeling of wanting one of my own.

        As am I Naomi! I think a lot of it is to understand myself and how my parents how child-rearing translated into who I am today. I think a lot of it is my friends, peers and collegues are on that road, so I can't help but want to investigate what parenting methods are out there. And then I think the last part of it is curiousity and my own sense of responsibility to my community and society. I mean it does take a village, right?

        Yet… don't have any of my own, and don't see a future with that desire either.

        By having this discourse (here and with other people), I think I've gotten past the initial "am I not normal for not hitting the babycrack?" and I've moved on to "why are people hitting the babycrack?"

  59. Count me in on this one. On paper, it even seems logical: she's 25, he's 27. Been together 5 years, both have solid careers, a happy home, disposable income.

    Luckily, there's an equally loud voice in my head screaming, "YOU ARE SO NOT EVEN REMOTELY PREPARED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A HUMAN BEING!"

    But they're just so cute…

  60. The whole reason I read this site is babycrack. I had hoped it would quell my desire to have children RIGHT NOW, but no. It just makes it worse.

    • I am with you! I read this site so that my want for babies can be soothed until we start trying to conceive this November (planned around work things). November seems FOREVER away, and I just want to read all I can. I think my husband is getting scared at my obsession lol

  61. Sounds exactly like me. I got pregnant at the worst time and could not be happier about how it all worked out. My daughter is a gem and I can't wait to have another one.

  62. I am about to turn 24 in eight days and have been non legaly married to my husband for almost eight years now. (he just turned 24 last month) I have been a stalker on this and other pregnancy websites for a little over a year now and I have been a babycrack addict this whole time!(duh!) We live in a one bedroom rental home with a large yard and a semi working vehicle in a small town in a small valley. We are both disabled but nothing life threatening or baby making challenging. I just stopped my birth control last month and went to my preconception checkup a couple days ago(they didn't do any blood work or anything though, weird?) I already knew everything she told me because of all my researching. We are going to try to wait a couple months to let my body chill out and get all the nutrients from my prenatals but it is hard!! I realy want to get pregnant and start our own family! Damn Clock, Damn babycrack!! We are in debt and shit and will be pretty crowded here but I have read lots of stories of lots of different ways to raise a baby and pregnancy stories so I feel we can make it work. But still… Damn ticking and addiction!!

  63. I am so glad you posted this. I have always thought I was a total weirdo for being so "baby crazy" for the past few years. I find myself browsing parenting websites, shopping online for baby things that I will "someday buy," and sneakily looking in the baby section at department stores, prepared with the alibi that I am "just looking for a friend of mine who is having a baby." TOTAL LIE. I'm looking for my "someday baby." This post made me feel like way less of a weirdo for wanting a baby so badly.

  64. yeah, I have had an intermittent babycrack problem for a while now. It was really bad a few years ago (when I had fairly dire finances and no hope of becoming a home owner for the next 20 odd years), died down a little for about 6 months and just came back full force! I've been married for 2 and a half years, have career prospects, husband has a job and we bought our first home 4 months ago, perfect timing? It would be if I weren't in my 2nd year of a 3 year degree funded by my employers so that I can get qualified and move up in my job (a degree that I have to be working in practice basically full time to be eligible for whilst doing weekly assignments and spending 2 2week blocks a year away at college) which leaves me with limited spare time. Am I grateful for the opportunity to do this? Do I realise how lucky I am to be funded? Absolutely. Do I wish I'd never started the damn course so I could be holding a baby right now instead of having to wait for another year? You'd better believe it! Logic and babycrack definitely do not go together well.

  65. Hi Ariel! First I wanted to say thank you for using my picture πŸ˜€ Secondly, I also was hit with babycrack syndrome… my boyfriend (now fiance) and I were no where near "ready" to even think about having kids… but we NEEDED one!! Now here we are, happy as can be and loving life and sniffing our babycrack every chance we get.

  66. I think i'm a double super baby crack addict. I've been ttc for 7 *fucking* years now so both my rational and unrational brain are constantly screaming "babybabybabybabybabyBABYBABYBABYBABYBABYMOTHERFUCKINGBABYGODDAMNIT!"

    I'm a nanny and postpartum doula so I get regular fixes but, like most addicts, i'm developing a tolerance and need more & more baby time to get my fix.

  67. You have no idea what a relief it is to see this posting and all these comments. I am approaching 25 and I hear the "MUST HAVE BABY NOW!!!" voice screaming in my ear daily. I have had the desire to be a mom since I was very young and have spent a disturbing amount of time picking out the perfect baby names starting in jr. high. My husband is in school until May of next year so we have planned on waiting, but I still find myself looking at my calendar every day while at work and daydreaming about when our baby would be born if we got pregnant this month! (P.S. I am a full time nanny…you'd think I would have had enough! It's so different when they're not yours…) I feel psychotic!
    Anyway…we just decided we are going to start trying soon-ish and I am over the moon excited and hope everything goes okay.
    Thanks SO much for this and helping me feel a little less like a huge weirdo πŸ˜€

  68. I feel confused.Me: 29 yrs old, have masters in art. Husband: 30 yrs old: musician and illustrator, no college degree. Money situation: very unsteady income, some debt, long time renters. Relationship: very good, together 9 yrs, married 2. Heres my conundrum: On the one hand I tear up watching videos of home births, and looove hanging out with my 3 yr old nephew and 10 day old niece (squeee!) I understand baby crack, but don't know if I "suffer" from it. BUT….. I have career goals. Serious ones. I'm an artist (ceramic sculpture). I want to be an artist and professor and as much as I fantasize about having a baby, I know that it would seriously delay/compromise my career goals. It really seems like some women's baby crack issues result in obvious career sabotage. It almost seems like the worse some women's finances/career status is, the more they want a baby. Is it a distraction? I am very much a planner and I'm very careful with what tiny bit of money we have. I just can't fathom how these "we were soooo financially unstable and not in good job situations but had a baby anyway and now I'm soooo happy!! " situations work out. What about YOU?? What about the goals you had for yourself? YWhere did the money come from? I'm asking all this NOT in an an insulting, judgmental way (I know it sounds like that). I genuinely want to know how it works because I want a baby too but it seems so unwise! I really want to know how it has worked out for the people who ignored all the rational reasons not to and did it anyway. People keep telling me "there will always be reason not too" but I also feel like I would be voluntarily postponing my personal goals/dreams for an indefinite period of time! So confusing!

    • I feel very much the same way as you do. My situation is that I have almost finished my Phd in English, and I KNOW I want a career, but with academia how it is right now I don't know what form that career will take. My boyfriend has known exactly what he wants to do since he was a child, and although he's happy about the idea of probably having a family someday, he's not as excited as I am, and he's made it clear that his career goals are more important to him than children.

      So, this means that my career would probably be the one taking a beating if I have kids, and I just don't know if I'm ready for that.

      I think it's really interesting that my worst moments of babycrack are when my dissertation or job search are going really badly. I start feeling like, "well, even if I can't succeed in my career, I can do something that matters by raising a family!" But then when career stuff is going well, suddenly I can't imagine making a child-sized dent in it.

      • Wow, way to hit home!

        My chances for a career in academia seem bleak right now with current funding situations and job demand… and the baby crack started right around the same time as that realization. But I also got married right around then, too.

        It sounds like we've really internalized the "career OR kids" thing, if subconsciously. To put a positive spin on it, EITHER outcome means you make an impact on the world. And a lot of women manage to do both!

    • i think it is a distraction to some women. If they are unhappy with their day-to-day lives then they can give themselves purpose by taking care of a child. While this may be an unwise, illogical, completely emotional decision, i doubt it is often regretted. I think it would be hard to regret having a child no matter what the situation is/was.

      this is coming from someone who is a 25 year old first year teacher and has no children so far. I've always know i wanted children, but also know I am not yet ready. Being a first year teacher is an emotional roller coaster. I think about having a baby often, on my good days and bad days, but i do notice that the feeling is much more urgent when I am having a day that I am not satisfied with my career. I am waiting until my emotions are a little more leveled out to make a decision about when I will have a child.

  69. Ohh my fiance told me the sweetest thing to me yesterday and he doesn't even see it as unusual πŸ™‚ I asked him if it was odd/bad/unsettling that sometimes I want a baby even though we aren't planning any soon. All he said was of course not, you're a female. that's just something some of you do

  70. Okay, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience and if it is totally due to the babycrack affliction:

    I am newly married (Dec 30 2010) and have been experiencing babycrack affliction ever since (and maybe a bit before). We are totally not ready to have a baby financially, in fact we're trying to buy a house right now and will be stretched financially just due to that until I'm out of school. The current plan is to wait until I'm done with grad school (May 2013…TOO LONG!) to start thinking seriously about having children.

    Anyway, I'm taking birth control pills, but the past week or so I've been wondering if I am somehow pregnant. I've had moderate nausea twice now, more frequent urination, and cravings (which is not totally unusual for me anyway). I've also been somewhat more tired than usual not to mention the fact that about 95% of my brain is now occupied an inner debate between the part of me that thinks I could be pregnant and the part of me that knows it is statistically so very unlikely. That debate is accompanied by another one between the part of me that would be SO SO SO excited to be pregnant, and the part of me that would be so upset because it would totally change our lifestyle, which we were fine with doing a few years down the road but would really not like to do right now. I also wouldn't be able to finish school very easily if at all.

    I'm supposed to get my period this week, so it could come as soon as 30 seconds from now, but I can't help but think (hope?) that it won't.

    Has anyone else experience a possible pregnancy and wondered if you just created it in your head due to babycrack?

    It probably doesn't help that I'm currently working full-time as a nanny for 2 families with children 1 year and under.

    • Although I'm replying well after you would have found out if you were or not, I have to say that I experience this at least once every couple of months. Now that we're actually planning on having one, it's a little scarier/exciting. But before, when we were waiting until the time was right, that's all I could think about. Every nauseous moment, any fatigue, and breast pain, I automatically thought (and secretly hoped) that I was pregs. So it's normal, I suppose, and it's hard to sit with the fact that birth control is 99.9% efffective and it is MOST likely not pregnancy. There's always hope, though! lol

  71. Oh my gosh! I'm rather relieved to know there's actually a term for this insanity I'm experiencing!

    I was one of the girls growing up who vowed I was never having kids. Had zero interest in them, and frankly other kids pissed me off even when I was a kid myself. I continued to feel this way as I got older, and once I hit my 20s my mom began to despair of ever being a grandma, the way I talked.

    Then my then-boyfriend's (now-fiance) sisters both got pregnant two months apart, and in helping care for the daughter of the one who lives here in town I decided that maybe SOME children aren't so bad.

    Fast-forward to about four months ago when my body suddenly bellowed "BABY NAO!!!!!!" I swear to everything holy, I'm like the dog on the Beggin' Strips commercial: "Baby? Baby? Where's the baby? I smell baby! Baby? It's baby! I'd get it myself but I DON'T HAVE SPERM!!!" (I do, actually, and I'm pretty sure he's willing. *cackle*) There's no way we're financially stable enough to have a child, though, and every time we're making love and he whispers in my ear "let's make a baby" it's SO DAMN HARD to be responsible and say no. πŸ™

    Thus my stalking of websites containing anything and everything pregnancy/baby, and my first comment here! πŸ˜€

    • OMG if my fiance whispered, "let's make a baby," I think I would finish right then and there, and have another go just to try and make one lol

  72. I've already commented on this BUT an update on my babycrack situation: I'm still DYING to be a mommy but we recently started to very actively (hehehehe and lol) try to make ourselves a baby, and now I find myself I'm freaked at the prospect of serendering my body to the unknown world of pregnancy is freaky, and I'm not sure but I might be pregnant right now……. baby baby baby

  73. Wow…I just re-read this post, and…yeah. My biological clock has been screaming at me for a year now, but my husband and I agreed not to start until he's got his doctorate. I'm 27 now and will be at least 31 then, and it just seems so old.

    I'm working on a master's in counseling, and sadly, my favorite class also leaves me the most anxious because the majority of people in the class are parents (including the women my age), and a few are pregnant right now. They talk about it all the time. It also seems I can't go on Facebook without finding out another friend is pregnant. It's all like rubbing salt in wounds…and I realized that I was feeling so down because my self-worth was getting tied up in having a child. I'm starting to dig out a little and focus on enjoying the immediate future, but the fact that I'm crying as I write this tells me I'm still pretty sore over it.

    For now, I'll read Offbeat Mama for a fix and focus on my own growth. Thanks for listening πŸ™‚

  74. i've gone back and forth between baby crazy for myself and happily enjoying the babies of others. i worked in postpartum and newborn nursery for three years while going to nursing school and i thoroughly enjoyed getting take care of babies on a weekly basis (it really helped). my husband and i talk about our someday-kids all the time and smile knowing how loved they are before they're even a reality. watching him scoop up our friends' babies with ease and love makes my ovaries explode, but i know we're on the right path right now and that kids will come when it's time. at least that's how i feel tonight… πŸ™‚

    • "how loved they are before they're even a reality" is exactly on point! We talk about our future kids and my heart swells with such a love that I'm afraid to know once I am pregs. You have to love when guys take an active role in kids around them.

  75. I am a stepmother of a teenage girl, so I am totally off having a baby… but I definitely had this feeling with kittens. Kittencrack. I have them now and I am ecstatic.

  76. I have the babycrack addiction bad!

    I have a little girl that will be three in July and have been aching to have another baby since she was about two.

    Thank goodness my sis is having a baby in December. hahaha.

  77. I've got a 2 1/2 year old and an 18-month-old (14 months apart). Neither was planned, but if I hadn't gotten pregnant with #2 when I did, I'd probably have wanted to within a month or two. Now that he's walking and talking and playing with his sister, I'm DYING to have another one. I keep saying "if we got pregnant this month, then the baby would be (blank)years/months younger than the first two…"
    My husband admits to being a victim of babycrack only if no one else is around. If any family members (particularly his parents) are around, he pretends that I'm insane for even thinking about a third one. We've agreed that as soon as I find another job (we just moved for his job) that we can talk about trying for a third one, so that I can get maternity leave.
    Some days I think a third one is crazy, particularly after pulling two screeching toddlers apart, but most of the time, I can't wait for the tiny-new-baby smell and miniature clothes and all the snuggles:)

  78. I've got it alright. So does my fiance. We want a child so bad, but we're currently living in a room at his aunt's house and can't seem to find an apartment. And even if we do find an apartment, we can't afford a 2 bedroom. We can barely afford to live as in and I get that god damn voice. "babybabybabybabybaby NOW. RIGHT THE FUCK NOW." When we're both almost 21 and the living sitituation is not stable.

  79. UUUUUGGGHHHH the babycrack is getting worse. Now that we're getting closer and closer to moving into our house (May 25!) it's getting harder and harder for me to accept that we shouldn't have a baby now. I know we're going to have a baby in that house, we've already picked out names, and much to my surprise, my husband bought something for our future baby's room recently (yes, we've already chosen the decor).

    I'm currently a nanny for 2 kids under 2, and despite what everyone told me would happen, this job has made me want a little one of my own even more.

    Even though we just got married in December, our friends are already excitedly asking us when we are going to have kids. I think they know we're likely to be the first ones to have kids.

    Of course, since I'm still a student and we're going to be stretched financially until I'm not as it is, it wouldn't be entirely responsible to choose now to have a child. But there's always a part of me that says there's never a "right" time to have a child and if you wait until you know you're 100% ready, you'll never do it.

    Bah!!! Baby baby baby baby baby baby…

  80. The baby crack is getting worse for me too. The worst is that three of my neighbors are pregnant right now which makes every woman of childbearing age who doesn't already have kids. Now everyone is looking at me significantly and asking "Do you have any announcements to make?" And I have to be no, no and no. (While my internal monologue is "Shut the F up. I want one so bad and you are making it worse.")

    The worst is my next door neighbor, a single woman who complains when we talk too loud in our unit. One of the pregnancies is on the other side of her unit, but for some reason she seems to think she wants to be sandwiched between two crying babies. I suspect she will be far less enthusiastic when our turn actually comes around having lived next to a baby once.

  81. My personal strategy: obsess over getting a dog to keep myself from even going "there" at the moment. πŸ˜‰ Also, we made a time plan which made me feel a lot better (like "okay, this will happen").

    Why can't I be happy with our life as it is?? Glad I'm not alone at least! Thanks Ariel! πŸ™‚

  82. I find myself wishing someone anyone would come up to me and ask me to hold their baby. Please let me hold your baby… baby baby

  83. This post pretty much sums up why I started visiting obm. I'm 22 years old, married, and for the past year I have had a severe case of what my sister-in-law and I call "The fever." (Baby fever, of course) I think the worst part is that feeling of "no time will ever be a good enough time for a baby." Which in my mind equates to "You will never get to have a baby." I know this isn't the case but who needs logic when you have this fever.

  84. ive been dealing with babycrack since i was 16/17 and it has only gotten worse (now 21) im currently engaged and its made worse by the fact that i have very severe PCOS that seems to only be getting worse and i feel as though now is my only time to actually try because the insurance i have right now covers fertility but i unfortunately am not going to be covered by them for much longer but my fiance says no way its just driving me crazy i see babies and people announcing their pregnancies etc. it all just feels like a slap in the face i know what i need i know what i want i know what i am capable of and i can't have it even if it is only a try, a chance, a glimmer…. im feeling beyond strung out on babycrack and i know the worst has yet to come (-___-)'

  85. I had (have!) The babycrack addiction! My boyfriend and I nowhere near ready, at 22 & 25, and weren't planning on it for a long time, and we have been SO exceptionally careful, but, fate has a different plan for us. Just found out yesterday that im six weeks along! My ticking clock is rejoicing, and while im terrified about providing for the baby, I know ill do absolutely everything I can to give him or her the best childhood possible, even if it means maybe cutting back on my own guilty pleasures Haha. We are both SO excited, and definitely feeling the baby vibe! I've had the babycrack addiction since I was eight and was given my first baby doll, and have had names picked out and accounts on parenting websites all over the web since I was 18. Wish us luck!

  86. I had this when I first met my now husband. It was like my loins were say "you've found him now procreate!" but I knew we had no cash, no stability at all financially. I somehow waited and waited.

    Then I out of the blue had a suprise and well thats were Im at now. I wasn't even baby craving then either, I actually kept going back and forth on having kids at all.

    I actually had the talk with my mom maybe a month prior, after being in a grocery store with screaming babies, about not having babies.

    Yeah well, oops haha spoke too soon.

  87. I had a short case of this when I was 20 or so, and then it went away for a long time. And then when I was 29, I somehow managed to get pregnant with the wrong guy, at the wrong time, while I had an IUD that should have still been working. I ended that pregnancy, but it changed something in my body and hormones, and since then I have been more or less babycracked – especially now that I live in the house with a newborn (my downstairs neighbors just had one). The proximity gives me the opportunity to constantly ask myself, would I do x the same way? What about y? I'm supposed to be finishing my graduate degree, and I'm still always researching babies.

    It's weird, though, how at the very same time, I'm very uncertain. All the research means that I'm also always running into possible complications and problems, and sometimes makes me wonder if maybe it would be better to just stay child free. Does anyone else have that weird internal dialogue, not between baby and logic, but between desires..? like, "oooh, baby baby, want want want, except no, maybe more money for vacations and wow that would be tough on my body ouch, but sweet wiggly baby but no sleep but…"

  88. Hi, Im angel, and Im addicted to babycrack. I am 26 and have suffered for over 12 years! I live with my bf right now and just started a new job that doesnt pay all that well. I have no kids. But I cant help remembering that im running out of time. I have tried in past relationships to have a baby, with no luck. So im really worried that Maybe I cant. I have irregular cycles and just had a D&C because I was bleeding for 7 weeks. (sorry TMI) baby sitting never helps and only makes it worse. I want a baby so bad and know that its the only thing that will make me whole.. to experience pregnancy and be a mommy.. how do I cope?

  89. Very true! I think many women go through this. I'm in my mid-20s now and there are times when my body viscerally reacts to seeing babies. Oh, Lord yes.

    But having said that, sometimes I do wish people suffering from babycrack addictions would think beyond the baby. That's how I like to think about it. That is to say, it's great to want a baby, but you also have to REALLY WANT a person. Yep, you have to want to bring a person into this crazy, messed up world, and make them deal with that. You have to want a real, grown-up, flawed and different from you, contributing-to-society, PERSON. Because that's what your baby will turn into, and proportionally, the amount of time you have a baby as compared to everything else won't be that long.

    As for me, I'd love to raise a person when the time is right… having a cute baby for awhile is just like an extra perk πŸ™‚

  90. Oh lord, I thought I was the only one. As an undergraduate with a loaded schedule, now is obviously not the time to be starting a family, but I've had a huge love for pregnancy ever since I was a little kid. Most of my "playing house" activities centered around me being the pregnant mother πŸ™‚

  91. I love this article! Seriously I thought I was the ONLY one feeling this way. I am 26 divorced, but in a committed relationship and can't help but think baby all the time. My boyfriend and I do not live together and I fight about this all the TIME! Lol! I even tell him I'm going to stop taking birth control. I know its not "right" but I can't help how I feel! I hope I don't have to wait too much longer…

Read more comments

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.