What if I told you smoking weed can make you a better parent? It’s no secret that I believe pot gives mothers super powers, and I know what I’m talking about. Having done the parenting thing both ways (sober-mom method and stoner-mom method), I speak as a stoned authority on this.
I live in Colorado, where Amendment 64 gave us the right to blaze up for pleasure in addition to medical reasons. That includes gasp caregivers of children. Sometimes known as parents.
And we’re not alone. Marijuana is legal in some form or another in 23 states and the District of Columbia. Four states — Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Alaska, and the District of Columbia — have legalized recreational marijuana. With weed as popular as it’s ever been, it’s easy to understand that a vast amount of these users are mothers and fathers. Here are some of the many reasons parents are smoking weed…
1. Get a jolt of energy to rival your favorite cappuccino
Getting stoned along with our morning stimulant is a first-world luxury. There is nothing as soothing, calming, and yet energizing, as a morning combo of pot and coffee. One of my earliest discoveries in the stoner world was the “wake and bake” session. Typically around 10 a.m., the pace of the morning slows down enough to really enjoy that first bowl of the day. A clean bong, some finely ground herb, and a cup of freshly ground coffee. Armed with these accessories, I tackle the days work, be it of the house and hearth, creative, or professional variety. I lose track of bong rips while I write and plan or scrub and clean.
The idea that marijuana makes everyone sleepy and dumb is really a misconception. Sure, it can make you sleepy and dumb — sometimes that’s exactly what you need to counteract pain. But the majority of ganja that I consume is straight up sativa or a sativa dominant hybrid. These strains not only give you a real energy boost, they also provide focus, creativity, and a deep thought.
2. Become “that mom” (or dad) — except for real this time
I’ve always been an efficient mother. However, I never felt as efficient as a mom as I have felt as a stoner mom. Like artists and weed, parents and marijuana just kinda go well together. Who needs energy more than a parent? Who needs a chill pill more than a parent? Lessening the stress and tension of the planet’s most worrying species, marijuana is quite literally making the world a better place.
If every parent on the planet was a stoner, how would the world change? If the world’s nurturers are free of anxiety, tension, and hostility, wouldn’t they only do better at their jobs? And so on, and so forth, for generations to come.
3. Set a better eating example
If you are a parent of young children, you probably exist on what I call the “stay at home” diet. It consists of sandwich crusts and Starbucks, with occasional kid snack leftovers thrown in. We all know it’s not healthy, but I know many moms out there that don’t eat well. I’m one of them, and so is my best friend — we’re just too busy to prepare something for ourselves while preparing healthy, perfectly balanced meals to the little ones. There are days when it hits 3 p.m., and I haven’t had a single thing in my stomach other than a tall latte. This is where the weed comes in.
You’ve probably heard of the munchies. Maybe you’ve even experienced them. A lot of marijuana strains make people want to eat. Like, REALLY eat.
Now, maybe the stoner of times long gone would shove fast food down their throat, but today? Millennials aren’t like that. My kitchen is always loaded with healthy basics, specifically tons of fresh fruit, so the munchies really aren’t that bad of a thing. When the munchies set in, it really is possible to control what I feast on.
Imagine sitting down at lunch to a huge salad or some shit and enjoying every bite of it in front of your children. That’s what a stoner parent could be modeling — eating their greens with the gusto only munchies can provide.
4. Maintain a connection to youth
I’m blessed with good Pacific islander genes that make me somewhat impervious to early aging. But as a woman who has only ever been interested in older men, I can say with authority that there’s a big difference between being old and seeming old.
Weed is a youthful drug. It makes you joyful and teaches you to find humor in everything. Spending time like that tends to make a person more relaxed all around, even when stone-cold sober. I’ve always been obsessive about music, but it wasn’t until I started toking up that I really fell in love with rap and developed an appreciation for electronic dance music.
Pot makes you silly, makes you roll around with your kids on the floor, makes you come up with hilarious stories for Barbies to reenact. It makes you go outside and look at the sky, makes you see the wonder and the beauty in the things you forgot. It makes you fuck like a wild animal. This is youth. This is youthful living, and it’s great.
5. Have a personal hobby
I’m a strong believer that parents need to have a damn hobby. It’s very easy to forget about yourself once you begin living for the care of someone else.
Cannabis lends itself to so many different hobbies. Gardening takes on a new science. You know you’re talking to a stoner when they start chatting you up about crossbreeding plants and making clones. More interested in social stuff? Stoners are the most social lot! Take a joint out on a night downtown, and everyone wants to be your friend. Hobbies from gorgeous blown glass, cold-pressed oils, new technology, leading health advances, baking, cooking, photography, art. The best thing about a hobby in the cannabis world is that everything is so new and changing every day. It’s the wild west, and it’s a blast to be a part of something.
6. Get along better with your spouse
From crazy fun date nights to getting juices flowing in the bedroom — marijuana is a marriage’s best friend. Got an anxious partner who’s immune to your seductions? Weed. Partner acts like a dick when drinking? Weed instead. Can’t agree on what to do with extra income? Weed again. Seriously.
7. Sleep like a baby — wait, no, because babies don’t sleep — sleep like a new mom given an empty luxury suite
Have an Indica, go to sleep, and get up the next morning and tell me you didn’t love the fuck out of that night of sleep.
What is the ONE THING that parents need more of? No matter where you go or who you ask, there’s one resounding answer from those who nurture the next generation. WE NEED SLEEP. Get on a regular sleeping schedule, and you’ve got someone who is more active, engaged, and in love with being a parent.
It’s long time we threw out those misconceptions that any parent who smokes pot is a bad parent. Weed is medicine, and when used responsibly, weed can make you a far more patient, present, and nurturing.