After oodles of talking and careful planning, my husband and I have decided to try to conceive our first baby. There’s one thing that is making me really nervous — it’s not about the child so much as the pregnancy. And not so much the pregnancy itself, but seeing an OB/midwife.
To explain: when I was a teenager, I was raped. It’s been nearly ten years, but since then, I’ve been dealing with the ramifications, namely a profound fear of being touched by anyone other than my closest friends, family, and husband.
One of the scariest places for me is the OBGYN. Now, I’ve been mostly good about going to regular check ups, though they often end in tears and are followed by an emotionally rough day. Once pregnant though, I know that I will have to go routinely, and there will be lots of people involved in my care. Everyone always says, “Oh you get used to everyone seeing you splayed out and naked,” but I can’t see how I would ever get used to it.
I’ve talked to my husband and I’ve talked to a therapist and now I thought I would share my question to see if I could hear from other people who may have been there before or are looking down a similar path. Do you have any coping suggestions for dealing with OB/midwifes and pregnancy for a rape survivor?
I am beyond thankful for your time and your thoughts. Thank you!