Category Archive

consent

My child sexually was harassed on the school bus & the reality set in

My child was sexually harassed on the school bus & the reality set in

Yesterday should have been a normal day. It started off that way. But instead it became a first for my eldest daughter. My daughter asked a boy to stop using profanities, and instead, he used them more and more, especially directed at her. And then he threatened her, repeatedly.

When the bus did stop, she ran as fast as she could and into my arms. Her whole body shook with fear and anger. That was the day our daughter became the victim of sexually violent language. She is ten years old. The boy was twelve. She was riding the school bus home from fifth grade.

When kids books go bad: how Mr. Men and Little Miss teach kids to hate themselves

When kids books go bad: how Mr. Men and Little Miss teach kids to hate themselves

There are a lot of books that I enjoyed as a child that dismay me as an adult. I try not to be a loud feminist killjoy too often, but occasionally I come out of hiding from my lair, like when I read this outdated series of books that somehow ended up in my house and has been taken up by my son with great enthusiasm…

When it comes to harassment and abuse, are internal investigations enough?

In the cases of Catfish’s Nev Schulman and AMC’s Chris Hardwick, each men got “justice” via internal investigations from their respective large media companies. It seems that this is enough for a lot of people to accept their innocence after being accused of sexual harassment. But is justice from a self-serving legal team in a huge company REALLY justice?

How Aziz Ansari is highlighting the differences in consent among the generations

How the Aziz Ansari accusation highlights differences in consent among the generations

I’ve been a fan of Aziz Ansari for years. So when I saw his name pop up in the headlines attached to a sexual encounter, my heart dropped. The issue wasn’t whether she was believed or “right” for me, it was how responses in the media seemed very much divided by age. And where we go from here when it’s not a cut and dry issue of power structures, but rather how consent is dealt with between all of us. Here’s how I’m seeing responses in the different generations…

#MeToo pissed me off until I looked inside to see why

#MeToo pissed me off until I looked inside to see why

When I checked Facebook, nearly every status said or referred to #MeToo. I felt annoyed at the whiplash of public consciousness, that we were constantly ping-ponged from tragedy to tragedy. I assumed it would die out within a few days when something else came up for everyone to angst about online. Obviously, I was wrong. Instead of dying out, #MeToo has grown and started a cultural shift so grand and overdue and amazing that it still feels too good to be true. Women are rising and abusive men are falling. Still, instead of celebrating, I felt disgust. I had to finally sit down and journal about this to try to figure out why. As I wrote, I peeled back the layers of my reaction.

I don't want to say #metoo, but here's why I will

I don’t want to say #metoo, but here’s why I will

“I wish we didn’t have to rip our pasts open & show you everything & let you ogle our pain for you to believe us about predation and trauma.” – Lindy West. The sad fact is, though, that the #metoo phenomenon of sharing seems to be the only way to make any headway in chipping away at the bedrock that allows people with any modicum of power to exploit the vulnerabilities of those who have been raised to be silent and self-blaming. Victims are forced to either take on the system themselves or join together to raise a tiny flag to create larger flag aiming for change.

From rape-y to spacey: The evolution of sex scenes in Blade Runner

Consensual robo sex? The evolution of sex scenes in Blade Runner

In Blade Runner 2049, there’s a spacey three-way between humans and replicants that was fascinating and compelling. We could debate the finer points of whether or not replicants can actually consent, but I’m going to instead compare it to its predecessor, the original Blade Runner from 1982. There was one particular scene that still sticks with me as highly controversial…

How do you make the invasiveness of pregnancy less scary for a rape survivor?

I’ve talked to my husband and I’ve talked to a therapist and now I thought I would share my question to see if I could hear from other people who may have been there before or are looking down a similar path. Do you have any coping suggestions for making the OB/midwife (and pregnancy) less scary for a rape survivor?