Weird and funny doormats as cool as the rest of your home

April 29 |
This post features offbeat affiliates, meaning that if you buy something featured, you'll be financially supporting this site's mission of bringing awesomeness to readers everywhere.

Dorms, apartments, houses — I've seen doormats at them all. They greet our friends, catch our stuff, and clean our shoes — but it's damn hard to find a good one. I've collected this lot of sarcastic, handmade, and just plain weird doormats to fill the needs of Offbeat Homies.

Have to kick off the list with my own doormat!

Kikkerland's jolly roger doormat has graced our stoop since we received it as a wedding gift, and everyone says it's how they know they have the right house.

Etsy seller damngooddoormats has quite the collection of hand-stenciled porch art, like this Pong mat for retro gamers.
Or a bossy Boston Terrier.
And a super-handy reminder mat, though I'd definitely flip it 'round to face me on the way out.
The swanky nautical doormat (and matching ropework doorstop!)
My in-laws have the ever-popular GO AWAY doormat, which frightened my mother.
If I only remember one thing I learned today, let it be that The Onion makes doormats.
A nerd mat!
Geek lives here
And remember: there's no place like home. (Available from ThinkGeek.)

Got any doormats on your wishlist? Share those links!

  1. The one from the Onion definitely graces my wishlist.

    2 agree
  2. Loving the nerd mat! And the reminder mat! Hmmmmmm must look to this stenciling of door mats….to Google *whoosh*

    1 agrees
  3. Our last name is Slaughter (I'm newly married) and our friend promised to get us one (written in a nice script) that says, "Welcome to the Slaughter House"–can't wait!

    11 agree
    • Just remember: You can't spell Slaughter, without laughter!

      1 agrees
  4. Just steer clear of anything that sends the message of "Welcome." It gives vampires carte blanche on your dwelling.

    (Thanks, Buffy!)

    21 agree
  5. For a while Target was selling a "come back with a warrant" doormat I was seriously coveting. Don't know if they still are.

    2 agree
  6. I get that it's the Onion and all, but yikes, that would be a bad choice in my city where gentrification is a real issue and tensions are often high, and where race is always a part of the conversation. The doormat rubs me the wrong way. (I know, I know, the Onion, but still.) (Also, a doormat + rubbing me the wrong way = unintentional pun)

    I love the Keys/Wallet/Phone one!

    1 agrees
  7. Mostly agree…except for the "GO AWAY" one. :( We have a neighbor whose property is overgrown with a fire-prone invasive plant (scotch broom) has one of those. He doesn't usually live on the property, but we didn't know that. All we wanted was to know if it was okay that we cut the plants back a few feet from the road to reduce the fire danger (there's only one road out of our neighborhood). Being greeted by silence and a mat that says "GO AWAY" was really disheartening.

    0 agree
    • It's really only funny if you have a reputation as being really social, gracious hosts.

      1 agrees
  8. I have the pirate one!!! Squee!!! This makes me one of the cool kids now? Lol

    0 agree
    • i was going to post this! you beat me to it. I think its hilarious.

      0 agree
  9. I saw a "Hi, My Name is Mat" one, which I always found super cute.

    0 agree
  10. We have the "Go Away" mat! Anyone who we have invited to our house has loved it…and added bonus, we haven't had any solicitors or religious people knock since putting it out!

    0 agree
  11. Today I was so pissed off because when my husband picked me up from school he told me that he went to Target without me and bought some stuff for our new place! I literally punched him in the arm (i have very ineffectual tiny fists, unfortunately) He told me he bought a mat and I was so bummed! Then we got home and the mat has a beautiful tree on it! It's nice to know how well my husband knows me! : ) So hooray for welcome mats! (BTW, this is the first time I've ever owned one…!)

    0 agree
  12. I'm having memories of a doormat from a catalogue called The Music Stand that said, Bach later. Offenbach sooner. It warmed my music dork heart. I found some on their website but not that one, alas.

    0 agree
  13. I am oddly attracted to a lot of the ones at Target.
    One says "Enter if you dare" in very convincing blood complete with spatter.
    Another reads "Nice Underwear" (this tickles my inner child)
    And finally "Stay on mat. Your knock will be answered in the order it was received"
    I actually bought the one with a school of blue fish and one red fish that has "hello" written on it. I have no idea why it won. But I love it.

    1 agrees
  14. That pirate mat is the same one we have. It was the very first item purchased off our wedding registry, like, before we even said where the registries were.

    (Then that one was stolen when our neighbors — in their 30s and old enough to know better — got drunk. We bought a replacement from Amazon.)

    0 agree
    • I've got a "hi! Nice underwear!" one, it's awesome :)

      0 agree
  15. We have the jolly roger doormat! I love it sooooo much we bought another one for our patio! I nearly spilled my coffee I was so excited when I saw the picture of it on this post! =)

    0 agree
  16. I have one on my wedding registry that says "Nice Underwear." I think it's from uncommongoods.com

    0 agree
  17. I have the "There's No Place Like Home" one from ThinkGeek. It definitely invites comments from people who visit. Most people have no idea what it is even when I explain it.

    0 agree
  18. we've got one that says 'not you again'
    gets a laugh from everyone that comes over, we found it in a hipster-ish florist (in Western Australia..where I live :)

    0 agree
  19. That nautical rope mat has been on my wishlist for freakin evarrrr!
    I want it so much!

    This is one of those "only funny if it's not applicable" ones
    "Mess with us and you mess with the whole trailer park!"
    http://mookiegifts.com/mewiusyoumew.html

    0 agree
  20. My partner wants a mat that says "Don't blink." in red letters, he also wants these on our towels. I blame it on SCP : Containment Breach.

    0 agree

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.

Biz owners & wedding bloggers

Please just use your real name in your comment, not your business name or blog title. Our comments are not the place to pimp your website. If you want to promote your stuff on Offbeat Bride, join us as an advertiser instead.