Weird and funny doormats as cool as the rest of your home #Shopping#doors#geeky#pirates#porches/balconies April 29 | Cat Rocketship Dorms, apartments, houses — I've seen doormats at them all. They greet our friends, catch our stuff, and clean our shoes — but it's damn hard to find a good one. I've collected this lot of sarcastic, handmade, and just plain weird doormats to fill the needs of Offbeat Homies. Have to kick off the list with my own doormat! Kikkerland's jolly roger doormat has graced our stoop since we received it as a wedding gift, and everyone says it's how they know they have the right house. Etsy seller damngooddoormats has quite the collection of hand-stenciled porch art, like this Pong mat for retro gamers. Or a bossy Boston Terrier. And a super-handy reminder mat, though I'd definitely flip it 'round to face me on the way out. The swanky nautical doormat (and matching ropework doorstop!) My in-laws have the ever-popular GO AWAY doormat, which frightened my mother. If I only remember one thing I learned today, let it be that The Onion makes doormats. A nerd mat! And remember: there's no place like home. (Available from ThinkGeek.) Got any doormats on your wishlist? Share those links! Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Cat Rocketship I was the Managing Editor of Offbeat Home for a year and a half. I have a rich Internet life and also a pretty good real life. Hobbies include D&D, Twitter, and working on making our household more self-reliant. I also draw things. PREVIOUS An earthy homebirth captured in photos NEXT Tune in: Do these 5 things to optimize the shit out of your home entertainment Show/Hide comments [ 45 ] The one from the Onion definitely graces my wishlist. 2 agree Reply Loving the nerd mat! And the reminder mat! Hmmmmmm must look to this stenciling of door mats….to Google *whoosh* 1 agrees Reply Our last name is Slaughter (I'm newly married) and our friend promised to get us one (written in a nice script) that says, "Welcome to the Slaughter House"–can't wait! 17 agree Reply Just remember: You can't spell Slaughter, without laughter! 4 agree Reply Just steer clear of anything that sends the message of "Welcome." It gives vampires carte blanche on your dwelling. (Thanks, Buffy!) 25 agree Reply O snap! Good point. 2 agree Reply Saw one the other day that said "Come Back With A Warrant" 6 agree Reply Some really cute/funny ones from a Canadian store (Mortimer Snodgrass): http://shop.mortimersnodgrass.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=21_42&zenid=35df5e855d3bcd0a442b0bacb5b20b4d I rather like the whining about being a doormat. I also think the "Beware of Kids" one is hilarious. 🙂 3 agree Reply Hehe, we shop at the same places 😉 Reply Sadly, this link no longer works, and, as of 2014, the store is closed (per their facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/mortimersnodgrass?fref=ts) Reply Labyrinth: http://shop.mortimersnodgrass.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=21_42&products_id=3920 And my personal favourites: Sewer Mats! (Made from recycled fabric but now discontinued by the manufacturer 🙁 ) Boston: http://www.coolstuffcheap.com/boston-sewer-cover-manhole-mat.html London: http://www.coolstuffcheap.com/london-sewer-cover-manhole-mat.html San Francisco:http://www.coolstuffcheap.com/sanfran-sewer-cover-manhole-mat.html New York: Reply We like our Float Rope mat- it's similar to the nautical one, but it also helps to get lobster trap float rope out of the ocean, and comes in cool colors! http://www.mainefloatrope.com/ Reply For a while Target was selling a "come back with a warrant" doormat I was seriously coveting. Don't know if they still are. 2 agree Reply http://www.amazon.com/High-Cotton-Inc-M79-Warrant/dp/B00020O572/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1304297196&sr=8-1 if they're not, amazon has it in two styles 🙂 Reply I get that it's the Onion and all, but yikes, that would be a bad choice in my city where gentrification is a real issue and tensions are often high, and where race is always a part of the conversation. The doormat rubs me the wrong way. (I know, I know, the Onion, but still.) (Also, a doormat + rubbing me the wrong way = unintentional pun) I love the Keys/Wallet/Phone one! 3 agree Reply Mostly agree…except for the "GO AWAY" one. 🙁 We have a neighbor whose property is overgrown with a fire-prone invasive plant (scotch broom) has one of those. He doesn't usually live on the property, but we didn't know that. All we wanted was to know if it was okay that we cut the plants back a few feet from the road to reduce the fire danger (there's only one road out of our neighborhood). Being greeted by silence and a mat that says "GO AWAY" was really disheartening. Reply It's really only funny if you have a reputation as being really social, gracious hosts. 1 agrees Reply I don't have this, I just think it's cool: http://www.meninos.us/products.php?product=Unlock-Doormat 1 agrees Reply I have the pirate one!!! Squee!!! This makes me one of the cool kids now? Lol 2 agree Reply a friend of mine has a come in/go away doormat the writing is really cleaver so it actually reads both messages depending on which way up you are reading it http://www.gnr8.biz/product_info.php?products_id=599 3 agree Reply i was going to post this! you beat me to it. I think its hilarious. 1 agrees Reply I've always liked these ones: Nice greeting: http://www.gettingpersonal.co.uk/fun-gifts/oh-no-not-you-again-doormat.htm Afro: http://www.netcadeau.com/fun-insolite/440-cadeau-paillasson-afro-.html Reply This Finish Line doormat has always tickled my fancy: http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/finish-line-doormat I like that it's green and it reminds me of the race home as a child. Reply We have the "Go Away" doormat. <3 Sure has made family laugh when they come to visit. Reply I totally need that "key, wallet, cellphone" one for my husband! he always forgets something… and i mean every, single, time. I've been admiring this one for awhile now, so sweet: http://www.chiasso.com/store/item.aspx?ItemId=55461&from=whatsnew Reply I saw a "Hi, My Name is Mat" one, which I always found super cute. 1 agrees Reply We have the "Go Away" mat! Anyone who we have invited to our house has loved it…and added bonus, we haven't had any solicitors or religious people knock since putting it out! 1 agrees Reply Today I was so pissed off because when my husband picked me up from school he told me that he went to Target without me and bought some stuff for our new place! I literally punched him in the arm (i have very ineffectual tiny fists, unfortunately) He told me he bought a mat and I was so bummed! Then we got home and the mat has a beautiful tree on it! It's nice to know how well my husband knows me! : ) So hooray for welcome mats! (BTW, this is the first time I've ever owned one…!) Reply I'm having memories of a doormat from a catalogue called The Music Stand that said, Bach later. Offenbach sooner. It warmed my music dork heart. I found some on their website but not that one, alas. Reply I am oddly attracted to a lot of the ones at Target. One says "Enter if you dare" in very convincing blood complete with spatter. Another reads "Nice Underwear" (this tickles my inner child) And finally "Stay on mat. Your knock will be answered in the order it was received" I actually bought the one with a school of blue fish and one red fish that has "hello" written on it. I have no idea why it won. But I love it. 1 agrees Reply That pirate mat is the same one we have. It was the very first item purchased off our wedding registry, like, before we even said where the registries were. (Then that one was stolen when our neighbors — in their 30s and old enough to know better — got drunk. We bought a replacement from Amazon.) Reply I've got a "hi! Nice underwear!" one, it's awesome 🙂 Reply Some of these are great: http://www.squidoo.com/funnydoormats http://mookiegifts.com/hirudo.html Reply We have the jolly roger doormat! I love it sooooo much we bought another one for our patio! I nearly spilled my coffee I was so excited when I saw the picture of it on this post! =) Reply I have one on my wedding registry that says "Nice Underwear." I think it's from uncommongoods.com Reply I have one that reads My Dog is not a Biter in bold and the in smaller letters, but he is a humper, probably one of my favorites, and I change mine out often. So often in fact that my passion became a website, http://everythingdoormats.com. 1 agrees Reply I have the "There's No Place Like Home" one from ThinkGeek. It definitely invites comments from people who visit. Most people have no idea what it is even when I explain it. Reply i have *always* wanted this one that just says "Hi. I'm Mat." – http://www.target.com/Hi-Im-Mat-Doormat/dp/B00020O57M thanks to this post, perhaps i'll just stencil one myself! Reply I'm all for this one. "Mind The Gap" http://www.meninos.us/products.php?product=Gap-Doormat Reply we've got one that says 'not you again' gets a laugh from everyone that comes over, we found it in a hipster-ish florist (in Western Australia..where I live 🙂 1 agrees Reply For my birthday a couple years ago my hubby gave me the binary welcome mat from thinkgeek http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/69e3. I coveted it for years so it was a pretty great gift. Reply That nautical rope mat has been on my wishlist for freakin evarrrr! I want it so much! This is one of those "only funny if it's not applicable" ones "Mess with us and you mess with the whole trailer park!" http://mookiegifts.com/mewiusyoumew.html Reply My partner wants a mat that says "Don't blink." in red letters, he also wants these on our towels. I blame it on SCP : Containment Breach. 1 agrees Reply Yay DamnGoodDoormats, from Baltimore! My job is on their UPS route so some afternoons I get to see a stack of doormats heading to their new homes. We have the "No admittance except on party business" at our house. Reply These doormats are cool, especially 'Keys, Wallet, Phone' – love it 🙂 We've got some coming soon! https://www.personalisedgifthouse.co.uk Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.