Move over "spinster": this old term for an unmarried woman is bad-ass #Identity#aging#identity#relationships#self esteem#single parents Posted Apr 1 2019 Catherine Clark bijouxandbits Back when I was buying a condo as an unmarried woman about a decade back, I was confronted with the term "spinster" in the legal documentation declaring that I *gasp* had no husband in the process of buying this home. Get your fainting couches ready. I don't think this term for a single lass over a certain age is still being widely used in these documents now (though don't quote me?), but at the time it was a wee bit jarring. I think it would have been far less jarring had I been confronted with the term THORNBACK, though. What's a thornback you ask? Come with me on this journey of fantastic singlehood, friends… Over on Twitter, user Sophia Benoit discovered the following: Omg I just found out that spinster used to be reserved for women 23-26 and that after you turned 26 if you were unmarried you became a…. THORNBACK. How fucking great is that name!? — Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 13, 2019 "Omg I just found out that spinster used to be reserved for women 23-26 and that after you turned 26 if you were unmarried you became a…. THORNBACK. How fucking great is that name!?" To my unbridled delight, there were many inspired new definitions for us unwed ladies that made us sound far more badass than any old spinster term could. Check this chronology out and tell me you don't now aspire to "RED MARY, OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE, THE UNMAKER OF THE BONDS OF HEART, DESTROYER OF THE LABYRINTH, OBLITERATOR OF MENS"… After 26: THORNBACK After 36: DOOMWITCH After 46: HENGEQUEEN After 56: LIBERATED PAINMOTHER After 66: THE UNBURDENED EMPRESS After 76: RED MARY, OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE, THE UNMAKER OF THE BONDS OF HEART, DESTROYER OF THE LABYRINTH, OBLITERATOR OF MENS At age 84: JUDI DENCH https://t.co/6AARj5KbQY — Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) March 13, 2019 Or how about "Fanged Dowager"… 23-26: Spinster26-29: Thornback29-35: Venus Deathtrap35-40: Lady of the Blade40-45: Fanged Dowager45+: terrified silence, shifting eyes, if you speak of her she will know and she will show you no mercy https://t.co/7zLDyY0CJc — Gideon's Kazoo (@woke_dicta) March 13, 2019 Unite, friends, as thornbacks, doomwitches, hengequeens, and Judi Denches to beat back those social pressures and embrace your majesty. Related Post How do you stay happy being single in a world of families? I'm 32 years old and broke up with a longtime boyfriend about two years ago. At the time, half of my friends were single and only a couple of them… Read More Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Catherine Clark Catherine Clark loiters at her local library, makes art, watches movies en masse, plays video and tabletop games, poorly cooks healthy things, cuddles with her feline fur babies, and blogs at BijouxandBits.com. @enidjcoleslaw @bijouxandbits @bijouxandbits PREVIOUS There's an app that'll help you find places where you can actually take up space as a larger person NEXT SEATTLE EVENT: Sex Work is a Feminist Issue on April 22, 2019 Show/Hide comments [ 7 ] I'm disappointed I didn't make it to Doomwitch/Lady of the Blade. Both are cooler than Cougar. Reply HA! Agree with you there. I think my personal fave is "The Unburdened Empress." Reply How appropriate! As of yesterday, I've orbited the sun 57 times. Color me LIBERATED PAINMOTHER! [Insert creepy Willem Dafoe grin here…specifically this one: https://www.outerplaces.com/media/k2/items/cache/5ce77d30d0a91846dfb4e63b697fc12c_L.jpg ] Reply That is perhaps the perfect grin for this 😉 Reply Also happy birthday! Reply I feel like I should have known about this list before I got married with lost of help from the Empire and also … before poly. because I wanna be called a thornback but I love my men. Reply Life is hectic and I'm far behind on my blogs so I'm only just getting to this but had to comment anyway: I've been a knitter for many years, and took up spinning my own yarn a few years ago. I read somewhere that a spinster is literally a woman who spins. Before the Industrial Revolution, when fabric was woven from hand-spun yarn, spinning was an essential and valuable skill. A productive spinster could earn enough through spinning to be financially independent and therefore didn't need to marry. So cool! Reply Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.