Back when I was buying a condo as an unmarried woman about a decade back, I was confronted with the term “spinster” in the legal documentation declaring that I *gasp* had no husband in the process of buying this home. Get your fainting couches ready. I think it would have been far less jarring had I been confronted with the term THORNBACK, though. What’s a thornback you ask? Come with me on this journey of fantastic singlehood, friends…
In our society, it is not acceptable for female-identified people to age. We are all downloaded with the message that we are supposed to look 20 years old forever. We get mad when our bodies begin to droop, sag, slow down, and our physical/mental abilities change.
But aging is a reminder that we are having a finite experience on the planet… and that is beautiful.
“I have never felt this good!” is not what you’re told your 40s are supposed to feel like.
This makes me wonder: what other common narratives around aging aren’t necessarily true?
Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.
I am a 22-year-old woman graduating from undergrad in a few short weeks. My parents are in their 50s and 60s and both have had a lot of health complications. They’re relatively stable, but because I’m their only child and I went to college locally, they have always relied on me for everything from helping with heavy household chores to emergency hospital visits. I know that I owe it to myself to live the life I want, which isn’t really possible where my parents reside, but at the thought of moving away, all I can think about is who would help them do all those things if I wasn’t there.
How do I make this choice without being selfish?
In news I am LOVING, a Russian modeling agency is making our lives by only hiring models over 45-years-old, most of whom are over 60. The youngest model at Oldushka, Sergey Arctica, is 45 and by far their youngest. While most of the modeling world is dominated by the white, young, and ultra thin, some agencies are stretching the boundaries of beauty and it’s working. Just wait until you see these knock-outs…
I think I’m in a polyamorous relationship with god.
This sounds insane in maybe 10 different ways, especially for ME to say, since for most of my life, my spirituality boiled down to don’t know, don’t care! … but it’s probably the most accurate description of happened for me this past year. Of course I’m talking about “god” lower case non-denominational, so maybe it’s a little less surprising than if the story here was “Offbeat Bride lady raised by hippies goes evangelical,” but still.
There were a few books this year that changed my life — not in that hyperbolic “omg this cup of chai is like totally changing my life right now!” way, but as in these books completely shifted how I look at my existence, structure my days, manage my relationships, and handle my sanity. Like, these books actually changed my life this year.