I’m a new mom, which means I’m hanging out with a lot of new moms. Occasionally one of the new parents will make comments about wishing they were childless again. I get blowing off steam sometime, but I’m constantly rattled by one friend in particular who’s been saying this, strongly, for two years now. I don’t know how to respond to these comments.
At what point is it more than just frustration and something I should be concerned with? -Valencia
Real talk: Parenting is hard, and there are times when some moms regret having kids. Whether you’re in that position yourself, or have a friend who going through that… here are some great pieces of advice from women who have BEEN THERE. Here’s what moms who have (at one time or another) regretted being moms have to say about moms who regret having kids…
Being a mother isn’t the bliss I’d always believed it to be
I feel your friend, honestly. I only have one child (almost four); I love him dearly (like, overwhelmingly) but I realized that being a mother isn’t the bliss I’d always believed it to be, and that I don’t want this prison-ish identity of mother. I hate the expectations. I hate the chains. I hate that it’s changed my relationship with my husband.
All that said, I have it relatively easy. My husband has been good about letting me take the breaks I need, and I never did talk him into the second I thought would make it all okay.
I hope to change my mind someday, because a part of me still wants a daughter. But motherhood, man… -Ashes
She’s not a monster, she’s tired
Being a parent comes naturally to some people (and I envy them every day), but for others, it can be a joy that turns into a sleepless, frustrating grind… the same thing every day. Lack of privacy, lack of personal space, constant, never-ending needy needy needy little creatures who can’t do a lot for themselves. I often feel the same way as your friend, and I’ve felt the same way for days at a time. My children are not neglected, and I’m not going to murder them. What your friend needs is a day off.
Your friend is remembering all the time she used to have to be her own person, to do what she used to take for granted; whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She’s not a monster, she’s tired.
I’m lucky in that I’ve been able to go on some vacations with my husband.. and every time I do, it is like I am remembering how to be my own person, and I come back missing my kids, and feeling okay again. Even a short afternoon can help.. being able to eat a meal on your own, and not worry about anything except what YOU want to do. She needs a break. -Autumn
It may be just normal venting or an indicator of a bigger problem
I’ve been having these thoughts myself recently. They are usually fleeting and surface when I’m feeling overwhelmed and short on sleep. Parenting is freakin’ hard all on its own even without the many other life challenges that may come along with it. It requires many sacrifices. So it’s hard not to feel a little like the grass is greener on the other side when you look at your child-free friends. As much as I love my daughter, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if we had waited longer to have her. More money? More free time? More sex? More sleep?
Your friend’s comments may be just normal venting or they may be an indicator of a bigger problem like postpartum depression. If you have reason to believe that she may be a danger to herself or her child, you should encourage her to seek help, notify her partner or family members, and if necessary call your local authorities. -Ashley
Getting out of the house works wonders
I used to feel this way a lot. I was married for nearly nine years and grew to resent my whole life. My husband, my kids, all of it. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved my children but I really didn’t like being a mom all the time.
Is your friend a full-time stay at home mom or does she work? If she is a full-time stay at home mom, perhaps she needs a break and needs to get back into the working world a bit — maybe not necessarily a full-time job, but a part-time job might help.
Getting out of the house works wonders. I did so much better as a working parent. I had more patience and could deal with the kids better than if I were home with them all day every day. -Laurel
Any other tired moms out there? Let’s get real with each other in the comments…