polyamory

Asexuality and queerness redefined sex for us (& how we’re making it work)

What is sexual compatibility? Insecurity made our life a little rocky early on. I worried that my partner’s asexuality was simply disinterest in me, while she worried that I might prefer someone else. But after nearly seven years together, we’ve ironed that out — and in the process, built a sex life that we both find satisfying, exploring a non-traditional definition of sex. Here are the tools that we use to help us to define sex for ourselves…

Swinging: an insider's perspective (plus how it differs from polyamory!)

Swinging: an insider’s perspective (plus how it differs from polyamory!)

I’ve been seeing lots of awesome posts about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. I wanted to offer some thoughts on a variation that I haven’t seen talked much about yet: swinging.

Swinging or, “the lifestyle,” as we often refer to it with each other (sometimes indicated by a black ring on the right ring finger for those who like to advertise their proclivity), is one subculture among many with countless variations and expressions. Here is my personal perspective…

My poly tips for working with jealousy (even if you're not polyamorous!)

My poly tips for working with jealousy (even if you’re not polyamorous!)

A theme in poly articles I see a lot: non-monogamy requires so much effort — likely too much effort for most of us. And I have a growing appetite for unpacking our assumptions that non-monogamy is so much harder than other ways of being in relationship.

I’m not here to tell you that scheduling time with and navigating the feelings of multiple partners doesn’t require a lot of work, or even that I think everyone needs to want to do the kind of work polyamory requires. Non-monogamy isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach any more than monogamy is and both require dedication and communication…

Is polyamory a lifestyle or an orientation?

Is polyamory a lifestyle or an orientation?

My husband recently told me that he is thinking more and more about a polyamorous lifestyle. He told me that he feels he needs to come out of the closet as poly. Aside from all of the considerations for the relationship itself (I saw you already address that well here and here), I’m more interested […]

My partner wants to become polyamorous, what do I do?

My partner wants to become polyamorous, what should I do?

You may remember Logan from her poignant post about coming out to your family as polyamorous. She was kind enough to answer this reader’s question for us and we are so grateful for her insight! I’m in a long-term, serious, and happy relationship with my partner. When we first met we discussed relationships and limits […]

5 books that changed my life this year (no, like, ACTUALLY changed my life)

There were a few books this year that changed my life — not in that hyperbolic “omg this cup of chai is like totally changing my life right now!” way, but as in these books completely shifted how I look at my existence, structure my days, manage my relationships, and handle my sanity. Like, these books actually changed my life this year.

Coming out as polyamorous (how I did it and how it may help you!)

Coming out as polyamorous to family (how I did it and how it may help you!)

In the spring of 2015, I was planning my wedding. However, the elephant in the room was that I was in love with someone else. My non-fiancé partner was a huge part of my life, and I couldn’t imagine them not being at our wedding.

The problem was, I hadn’t told my family about the polyamorous aspect of my life or my long-established queerness. It was one of those things that I cowardly wanted to save until there was “something to report,” lest I draw my parents into my straight-presenting relationship and the hypothetical non-monogamous sex and love I was open to having with imaginary future people of indiscriminate gender.

Advice for being the polyamorous partner to a monogamous spouse

I’m monogamous to my soul. My husband of 21 years recently dropped the Poly bomb. And, I’m sorry poly people, no matter how gently you think you’re approaching it, it still feels like a bomb. But he doesn’t want to lose his family, and God help me, I still love him, so I’m staying. He’ll have his happiness, the girls will have their family and home intact, and I’ll learn to live with it.

That being said, there are some things you can do if your monogamous spouse agrees to open your marriage…