1.9k

Individuation: stumbling toward emotional self-reliance

Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.

2.1k

Microdosing pain: how to make things suck less, by sucking more

The truth of my anxiety is revealed: I invested all my time in building little walls all over the place to try to shelter myself from pain, but what I was actually doing was denying myself opportunities to learn and become more capable.

So what if I choose to expose myself to pain in small doses so that I can get better at managing it?

1.2k

Making mom friends: playgrounds & gonorrhea pee

Remember when I wrote about making friends as a grown-up? I talked about putting the work in, being forward and direct, and making plans — not just talking about making plans! Friendships don't "just happen." But sometimes the work that goes into making friends means reaching out to be there for people when they need you. Here's a story…

1.2k

Projections: falling in love with ourselves through what we see in others

Projecting on people, when it's blind, is pretty unkind. But if can catch yourself projecting — it's actually a hugely useful tool for self reflection. If you can be awake enough to the illusion to understand that the real issue isn't really about the other person, but WHAT you're projecting on that person… then you gain access to some remarkable insight into your own values, your own growth edges, and your own story.

1.7k

The year I started dating god with a lowercase g

I think I'm in a polyamorous relationship with god.

This sounds insane in maybe 10 different ways, especially for ME to say, since for most of my life, my spirituality boiled down to don't know, don't care! … but it's probably the most accurate description of happened for me this past year. Of course I'm talking about "god" lower case non-denominational, so maybe it's a little less surprising than if the story here was "Offbeat Bride lady raised by hippies goes evangelical," but still.