When my 18-year partnership abruptly ended in late 2015, my life completely fell apart. It was a complete shitshow… kind of like this year. Here’s how surviving divorce taught me 9 lessons that are helping me survive 2020.
Hey guys! It’s me, Ariel — the publisher of Offbeat Home. My new book, From Sh!tshow To Afterglow is about how to rebound after loss, grief, and the other cruel crises life throws your way — basically, it’s the anti-self-help book.
Sometimes on my walks, I even leave my phone at home.…I KNOW! Lately, I’ve been trying to imagine my phone in my hand as a strong cocktail — do I really need to take this cocktail on a walk with me? Yikes. Do I really need to have this cocktail in my hand while I’m hugging my son? Eep. Is 7am really a good time for a cocktail? Barf.
Here’s the thing about blaming others: it might feel sort of good for a moment, but ultimately when you hold yourself accountable for your choices, you regain a sense of agency and power. When you blame others, you’re trading responsibility for power… and I truly believe we all want to feel more powerful.
I truly want to believe that it doesn’t take heartbreak to make you remember the love inside you… But evidence suggests that it takes that agony, that searing burn of loneliness and anxiety and isolation to truly help you find the lover that’s been within you, waiting for you, all this time.
When I was going through the shitshow of my post-divorce emotional recovery process, I read SO MANY BOOKS. With 50/50 custody, suddenly half my time was very very empty and I was adrift and confused and so I did what nerds have always done: I buried my feelings in words, and went searching for my redemption in books. These are the crisis and resilience books that helped me the most…
Where are my fellow discontents? My fellow day-dreamers and strategizers and ladder climbers? This post is for you, my fellow folks who spend your days up in your heads, dreaming and scheming about how things would or could be better if you only had this, or if you only did that, or if this thing was different or that thing was changed.
“I have never felt this good!” is not what you’re told your 40s are supposed to feel like.
This makes me wonder: what other common narratives around aging aren’t necessarily true?