How to have great sex as a disabled person

Guest post by Minerva Siegel
Photo of the author by Cayan Ashley Photography.
Photo of the author by Cayan Ashley Photography.

When you’re physically disabled, sex can be a touchy subject. No matter what kind of disability you have, having a disability can sometimes make sex difficult physically and even emotionally. When I became physically disabled due to a rare, incurable bone disease, I found that my favorite, go-to sex position was no longer achievable. Having a physical disability made a lot of things about sex awkward or uncomfortable, which really hurt my self-confidence and self-esteem in a way that I wasn’t expecting at all.

So, how does a disabled person take charge of their sexuality and enjoy themselves? What are some ways that disabled people can physically be comfortable during sex? I have some helpful tips…

No matter your disability, you’re entitled to great sex

People with disabilities can sometimes feel like their disability makes them unlovable or like a non-sexual person, and that honestly couldn’t be less true! Never forget that you’re lovely and that having a physical disability doesn’t make you any less of a sexual being. You absolutely deserved to be happy and satisfied.

Build up your self-confidence

For some disabled babes — especially newly-disabled ones — self-confidence can be a huge barrier preventing them from having good sex. When I was first disabled, I felt like Frankenstein’s monster. I have lots of big scars from operations that made me horribly self-conscious. The scars combined with having to give up the career I’d worked so hard for had me feeling lower than ever. Subsequently, my self-confidence and sex life suffered.

Remember that you’re more than your disability. You have so much to offer and so many great abilities! It’s your abilities that define who you are, not your disabilities. Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.

Pamper yourself

Self-care always makes me feel great, and ready for a good time! Look into the Body Positive movement, which is all about promoting positive self-image and self-love. Remove negative self-talk from your inner dialogue and replace it with positivity. When you’re confident and happy, you’ll enjoy sex so much more!

Toys, toys, toys!

There are so many sex toys out there that can be so helpful for people who have physical disabilities! There are ones that are extra long, ones that curve, ones that use suction to adhere firmly to a surface, etc. If you have a physical obstacle preventing you from enjoying yourself, chances are there’s a sex toy out there that will help you reach your goal! Don’t be afraid to explore your options.

Communication is so worth it

Many disabled babes feel too self-conscious, or worried about what their partner is thinking, to let them know what they want or need. Speak up! If a position is uncomfortable, stop and switch it up! If something just isn’t working for you, let them know! Advocate for your own sexual satisfaction. Give your partner tips on what would make sex better and more comfortable for you. Work it out. It may take some experimenting to figure out what works for both of you, and that’s totally normal and okay. A few minutes of adjusting and trial and error is totally worth it, because it will help improve your sex life overall.

Sex furniture exists!

When I became disabled, and found that I couldn’t have sex in some of my favorite positions, I was more devastated than I thought I would be. Then, I discovered sex furniture. Now, even as a plus-size disabled person, I can have sex in positions I never thought I’d ever be able to get into, even before I was diagnosed with my bone disease!

There are ramps, wedges, chaise lounges, lifters, tie-downs, etc, made just for sex out of furniture-grade foam that can make having comfortable sex as a disabled person so easy, no matter what your disability is. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to invest in your sex life. Liberator makes my favorite sex furniture, personally, because they come in wider varieties for plus size bodies like mine.

Finding sex furniture that works for me really helped me get my confidence back as a disabled person. It’s enabled both my husband and I to have a great time comfortably and effortlessly.

Remember that you’re so worthy of sexual pleasure

Physical disabilities can seem like huge obstacles in the way of having a great sex life, but they don’t have to be. We’re so lucky to live in an age where adaptive sex toys and sex furniture exists! And that being open and communicative with partners is the absolute key to having a comfortable and fulfilling sex life. Even if it takes some experimenting, finding out what works for you is so worth it!

Now, go out there and have great sex. You’ve earned it!

What are the things that have worked for you to have sex as a disabled person?

Comments on How to have great sex as a disabled person

  1. This one depends a lot on your specific disability. A paraplegic is going to need a very different set of adaptations than someone with COPD, and they’re both likely to need something different from what the person with a sensory processing disorder needs. Aside from the general mindset stuff (which this post covers pretty well), it’s probably most useful to look at resources meant to help with your specific disability. Googling “sex and [disability]” can be surprisingly useful here. Depending on your disability, you may also be able to get information from your doctor – a friend of mine got a multi-page handout on how she should adapt her sex life after being diagnosed with a severe chronic lung disease.

  2. Real life moment – I entered the world of physical disability (I’ve had sensory processing disorder and severe ADHD since I was 4, so I’ve been in the mental disability world a while) back in Sept, formally so last week upon diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Anyone else ever had sex-affecting side effects from methotrexate? I swear I have less sensation down there since I began MTX. I need some advice on that one, stat! I usually ask my mom about all my RA related problems (she has it too), but I’m not comfortable discussing this one with her.

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