How much should I sacrifice self-expression for a relationship?

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flclI met my husband six years ago. When he first met me, I was wearing tights with thigh-high, green fishnets over them, held up by a garter belt, with a pair of shorts and a tank top. I had just got the word “punk bitch” tattooed behind my ear in lime green, which matched my lime green mohawk perfectly.

Since we’ve been together my appearance has changed. But I noticed that somewhere along the way, I started dressing in a way to please him, more than myself…

I toned down my appearance, and I’ve resisted cutting my hair, because he liked the length. We also butt heads over me getting more tattoos and piercings.

My husband is a good man, who loves me and our children. But I can’t help wondering… How can I express myself and maintain peace in my relationship? -Charlie

What are your thoughts on sacrificing self-expression for a relationship?

Comments on How much should I sacrifice self-expression for a relationship?

  1. This is hard. Does he resist your love for piercings and tattoos because he wants you to appear more like the mainstream Mom? Or is he doing it to keep you under some form of control? If he says you’re beautiful as you are, he is probably expressing some kind of concern for how your expressive body modifications might affect society’s perception of your family. I think a good compromise would be to cut your hair short, maybe with long bangs, and dye it an awesome color (oVertone, anyone?), and to keep the face jewelry to a minimum if you think your hubby’s resistance comes from a good place. I say this because you made the choice to keep it short. The head butting over more permanent appearance changes seems more serious. Hair, in 98% of cases, will just grow back.

  2. I could have written this during my first marriage. My ex didn’t bat an eye over my wild, artsy vibe when we were dating, but he DID express his disapproval of all piercings and tattoos. After marriage, he expected me to conform to his definition of “normal.”

    I’d sit down and try to have an honest, non-charged conversation with your husband about aesthetics. He fell in love with you when you were more expressive. Explain the pressure you are feeling and try to determine the source. Is there some underlying sex-role, marriage, or parenting expectation that he didn’t reveal earlier? Is it the financial cost of piercings and tattoos? Try an honest, heartfelt conversation and make a rule at the beginning that voices won’t be raised.

    Ultimately, if you are unhappy and don’t feel free to express yourself, that can be just as destructive to your marriage in the long run as complete nonconformity.

    • My first husband also often expressed his dislike of piercings and tattoos that I wanted, or my hair choices. I found myself at first NOT doing these things to please him, and then towards the end, purposely going out and getting piercings or coloring my hair in an effort to display control over myself. I’m not saying it’s like that for you, but I ended up feeling like his dislike of my more ‘alt’ fashion choices was one of many chains I had dragging me down and keeping me from pursuing my own self actualization. In turn, he felt like I was ‘leaving him behind’ and my alt choices contributed to those feelings of inadequacy that he had.

      • My first husband was abusive, and his attempts to control my self-expression were only one symptom (He didn’t respect my bodily autonomy in other ways, either 🙁 Fortunately, I have a wonderful second husband who loves my self-expression and even paid for my most recent tattoo as a birthday gift).

        The really important thing both relationships have taught me is that success depends on partners really being open to understanding each other and communicating from a genuine, non-controlling place about their needs. Hopefully Charlie’s partner will be willing to work this out together.

  3. You should not have to sacrifice your self-expression for your marriage. There are many compromises in a relationship but bodily autonomy should not be one of them. Josie is right (and much kinder than this old cynic) about having a chat with your man about where this is coming from.

    How would he react to you placing restrictions on his physical appearance? Is this the way he wants to model relationships for your children? I don’t know if you have a daughter but would he want her to be treated in a similar way? I am a mum too and, to me, a positive demonstration of autonomy and equality in a relationship is more important than conventional looking parents.

  4. I agree with Josie; this is something you need to talk about with him to find out why he’s putting pressure on you to appear a certain way, and whether he’s aware he’s doing it. He may think he’s supporting your current choices, or doing what he thinks is best for the family.

    I wonder, did you start changing to meet what you thought were his expectations before he expressed them? He may not realise why you’ve changed and wonder why you want to change back. A few years ago a poster asked about getting tattoos when her partner wasn’t keen on them, and there was an interesting response from someone whose partner had panicked when she dyed her hair because his ex had done the same thing just before leaving him. Does your husband feel insecure about the changes you want to make because they are aspects he associates with you being single?

    • I was thinking many of the same things. Did he explicitly ask you to make these changes? He may think he was just sharing an opinion and had no intention of making you feel as if you had to conform to it at all times.

      But even if that’s not the case it may be possible to reach a compromise.

      When I first started dating my husband he said he didn’t want me to get more tattoos because he thinks they’re unattractive. We talked about it periodically (in both general terms and specifically about me) and his concerns got more specific. He assumed getting more would mean adding to the current one on my shoulder, eventually ending up with a sleeve and that’s what he doesn’t like. He also knows a lot of people with generic tattoos picked out of books which don’t match or have any rhyme or reason to them and he doesn’t like that either.

      I told him I actually wanted my next one around my ankle, showed him the designs in my sketch book for my previous one (a record of all the thought I’d put into it) and discussed my plans for the next one and the story behind it.

      Eventually we realised there wasn’t actually any conflict here. What I had planned was very different to what he didn’t like and he’s now quite supportive (as long as he doesn’t have to watch it being done!)

      • I’ve had a variant of this conversation with almost everyone I’ve dated. My ex fiancé hated when I shaved the sides of my head. So I shaved the rest of it off to spite him. (That relationship had lots of problems, he was controlling and abusive. I left him about a month after I shaved my head.) Another BF didn’t mind my style but was leery of what his family members would think of my fishnets and purple hair. (In the end, his family didn’t care.) At the other end of the spectrum, the punk I dated enthusiastically shaved my mohawk when I said I wanted one and fully supported me in wearing whatever I wanted. By and large I stuck to my guns and stayed true to myself.

        Since I got married I noticed that I am way more conscious of what my partner does and doesn’t like. I want him to still find me attractive but I want to feel like myself too. Sometimes what makes me feel comfortable bothers him (a certain pair of leopard pants comes to mind). We have semi-regular discussions on this topic actually since my aesthetic has changed dramatically since we met (now I have tattoos and shaved off half my hair). He’s gotten really good at articulating why he does or doesn’t like a certain look. And I’ve learned that often a picture helps in describing haircuts or tattoos I want. A few times he didn’t like something because he couldn’t visualize it. At one point he told me that he was worried my changing aesthetic meant I was outgrowing him. I was glad he brought it up because we were able to talk through it. He explained why he felt that way and I explained that I was the same person but I wanted my outside to match my inside. We both felt closer after having that discussion.

        The game changer was when he saw how much my mood improved when I dressed how I feel comfortable. He still isn’t 100% crazy about everything I wear but he likes that I am happier now. When I’m happier he’s happier and vice versa. He’s been extremely supportive since he realized my style helps my mental health. He dyed my hair pink, paid for my first tattoo, and regularly shaves the side of my head. In return, I’ve donated some outfits that he didn’t like that I rarely wore; I try to wear the pants he hates on days he works late or when he’s out of town; and I make an effort to wear something he likes on our anniversary or date nights. We’ve come to the agreement that I give him a heads up when I’m thinking about a drastic change and he gives me his opinion. In the end my style is my choice just like his style is his choice.

  5. I’m going to echo Beth and Josie here – bodily autonomy is so incredibly important.

    My knee-jerk response is actually quite angry and defensive for you but it’s a result of my relationship with my ex-husband who was incredibly abusive. We were great at first but it started to go downhill just like this – little comments about my appearance, questioning my wardrobe, my makeup, my hair. It ended with me completely isolated from friends and family because he ultimately didn’t approve of them either. And so convinced that I was ugly that I struggled to even look at myself in the mirror. But it started so small and so innocently – “do you really want to wear THAT? You’d look better in this”.

    I get that it could come from a well-meaning place as well (this is me, trying to understand from your husband’s point of view) but I really struggle to see how anyone can feel they have the right to dictate how others appear.

  6. If I were to answer the post title question directly, I’d say sacrifice enough to reach a mutual compromise but not so much you start to resent him for it.

  7. Unlike a lot of the previous posters, I don’t actually think that bodily autonomy is crazy important in a marriage. I believe that when you marry, you’re giving the person you’ve married equal say over your body (and yes, I think that goes both ways). So if you want tats and he wants you to not get tats, then you have to come to a compromise.

    BUT. That’s me and my marriage and my opinions of marriage. Every marriage is different and has their own rules of engagement.

    One thing no one has mentioned that I will–fluid bonding. As in, you and your partner (I assume) share bodily fluids and thus any fluid-borne diseases one has, both has. When you pierce, tattoo, brand, etc, you are opening your body up to infections that you would then pass on to your husband. I assume you take good care of your body mods and only use reputable tattoo parlors, but that is something you should be open to discussing with him.

    • I think that compromise hasn’t been mentioned enough in this thread. Unfortunately, a lot women go through abuse and controlling partners and that makes your knee jerk reaction “NO!”. This is completely understandable but I don’t that’s the case in every situation though. It’s certainly not mine although I have this struggle with my husband as well. Although, every other poster in this thread and if OP or anyone else is feeling like they are being abused or controlled they should take steps to get out of that situation.

      My husband is incredibly uncomfortable with every mod I’ve had since we’ve met. He made these opinions known. And I’ve had my thoughts about his appearance as well. And we compromised. He gets a haircut more often because long hair makes him look homeless and I keep my hair (mostly) natural colors. He has retired so many of his hideous old man shoes and in return I eventually let my lobes grow back up. It comes from a place of love and we respect each other’s feelings enough that we compromise even when it’s hard and we both come out happier for it, I think.

  8. My husband has preferences for my appearance that I don’t always agree with, and vice versa. For me I always try to weight his preferences against mine. Will this bother him more than it will empower me? Will this make him more unhappy than it makes me happy. When I was depressed, giving myself the badass haircut I’d wanted for sometime instantly made me feel more awesome (and continues to everytime I redo it). He’d been saying for years that he didn’t want me to have that haircut, but when I finally did it he didn’t say anything. Two years later, I don’t know if he still hates it, but I think he appreciates the mood boost it gives me, and he can clearly still find me attractive in spite of it.

    So if he’s just telling you his preferences (rather than being controlling) by all means listen. He is, after all the person you most want to find you attractive. Just don’t give his preferences more weight than your own. If his oobjection is minor and your desire is major, then go with what you want. If he really dislikes something and you’re only kinda interested, go with what he wants. Presumably, his love for you means he will find you attractive regardless

  9. I think it’s probably time for a talk.
    I know I’m totally jumping to conclusions, but I’m willing to wager that he had certain expectations about how your style would progress over time. I’m willing to wager that he thought you would be less “punk bitch” as you got older, had kids, “became a wife”. Because that’s what happens to a lot of people, right? Their Wild Child evolves into Slightly Wacky Adult. I’m willing to grant him the benefit of thinking that this probably wasn’t even a conscious thought, but more a subconscious assumption. I mean, this is the Offbeat Empire and we all know that there’s this cultural idea that adults, moms and wives gotta stop being cool.
    So it’s time for a talk. Lay out that you’re feeling his resistance to your ideas about your appearance is a pressure to overall be less [insert your style ethos here]. Maybe he has no idea that he’s doing it. Maybe he knows he’s doing it, but he has a reasoning that hasn’t come to light yet. And I think that reasoning will better inform you how to navigate your personal expression versus his expectations. And while just because he has A reason doesn’t mean you have to capitulate, it may help you consider your self-expression in a different light, or at least with less confusion

  10. Thats, not really something i comprehend. My FH actively encourages my style, he’s as alternative as I am, and when I try to ask what he wants me to wear he says i should wear what makes Me more happy and confident. Id be happy him telling me the kind of things he likes but i wouldnt want him to tell me to not wear something or to change my style. He’s even supported me in things he wasnt a fan of but knew i really wanted like my piercings.
    Im not yet married and i dont have kids so i cant comment from experience but an earlier commenter said maybe he wanted you to change so your appearance wouldnt affect your kids/how society sees your family? But to me that feels like hes far too hung up on what other people think of your family and not the family itself. If changing would make you unhappy then it would affect how your family ran as a whole. And who cares what others think? People are more accepting these days anyway and if not then, whats the use of an opinion thats judged purely on appearances? They dont know anything.
    I think in regards to husbands/couples, image is something they are welcome to have an opinion on (especially if you ask for it) but not something you should change for them. Personal expression is a powerful tool for confidence and happiness. (And i mean, if someone wanted their partner to look nonalternative then why did they go out with an alternative right :p )

  11. I’m in a similar situation with my husband. I entered the relationship with a tattoo and multiple ear piercings. Since our wedding, I’ve expressed a desire to get more piercings (nostril), more tattoos, and possibly dye my hair wacky colors. He doesn’t want me to. Part of this is because he is very resistant to change. Part of this is also because he just doesn’t like those things. That being said, he only expresses his opinion on these things when I ASK for it. He doesn’t try to control me in any way, but when asked, he’ll voice his opinion and it’s totally fair for him to have one. Likewise, I have opinions on his appearance. I think he’d look sexy with a goatee, but he prefers to be clean shaven (which also looks nice, but is my second choice) Since clean shaven is his choice, I just go with it – but if asked, I tell him what I’d like.

    I’ve decided not to get the piercing or to dye my hair (partially because the colors I want would need reapplication every couple weeks and I am super lazy), but I am getting the tattoo. I wrote him a very long email explaining the reasonings behind the tattoo’s symbolism and the thought process behind the location. He said that he respected my choice to adorn my body how I choose and even though it’s not what he prefers, he still thinks I’m beautiful. And that works for me.

  12. I think sometimes this can also be sort of self-inflicted. I know with my ex AND with my current partner, I have taken comments they’ve made as gospel only to later find out they really don’t care that much. Case in point: hair length. My ex said he “preferred it long” and I just took that and ran with it as this kind of proscription for what I could and could not do with my hair….but when we actually talked about it, it became clear he really didn’t care that much, he was just stating his opinion.

    Now, that being said, sometimes even just an opinion or preference can make you feel backed into a corner – like “I feel like I want to do the thing that my partner finds most attractive”. For me, this is where I try to weigh how much I want something for myself against how much I want to appeal to my partner. Also…sometimes you just have to learn to let go of that impulse to want to please, or to put your partner’s needs or desires before your own.

    I agree with a lot of other posters who have said bodily autonomy is really important – but I’ve been in the situation where I took that to an extreme and made a decision about my own appearance almost to spite my (ex) husband’s opinion and then also did not end up loving it – like it turned out I was doing it more to “rebel” then because I actually wanted it – so I would just also make sure that if you want to make a big change, you really *want* to, for you. Basically, if you’re potentially going to have to “fight” for something, make sure it’s something you actually think is worth fighting for.

  13. It definitely depends on how your husband is handling the message. Is he putting his foot down and being controlling? Or is it more a desire we all have to be attractive to our partners and do what we know their preferences are from minor comments? I like a more alternative style (though more quirky than punk), and my husband is very normal in his appearance . Most of the time he is very supportive of my appearance quirks (especially since they aren’t that extreme), but occasionally he has concerns. Having a deep talk helped, turned out he was afraid of me “taking it too far” which really meant deep down that he was afraid of me becoming a different person. I have found I need to show him pictures of what I’m planning, which really helps, I think he visualizes the worst. Goes both ways though, I hate khaki pants, and made him get rid of them all (I have no idea why I hate them so much, but ahhh so ugly!)

    His mother though, she told him that he should have put his foot down and forbidden me from getting my tattoo, UM WHAT?!

  14. This isn’t the sort of thing where there’s a day-glo, distinct line in the sand to cross. It’s fuzzy and how much say your SO has in your appearance varies from person to person. In a healthy relationships there’s room for compromise (both ways), but if something is really important then you need to do it.

    It can be controlling. It can be the result of an unspoken “I thought it was a phase.” I can be “I just want to blend in with the normies.” But it could also be “I love your natural beauty and it would make me a bit sad if you did something to it, but I’ll love you with your new addition.”

    In the end it’s a conversation you have to have with your SO to find out where the pushback is coming from. And a conversation you have to have with yourself to figure out what really matters and why.

  15. Honestly, it depends on how it’s conveyed. My ex-fiance was fine with the idea of me getting tattoos, and as he is an artist, we played with non-permanent body markers. We did a lot with my arms but at one point, he did a vine of roses around my breasts, and I really liked how it looked. He freaked out, thinking I was going to get a tattoo on my breasts, and, according to him, that would “ruin them.”

    Now, I wasn’t intending on getting a tattoo in that location anyway, but the way he addressed it pissed me off, and I said it was my body, my choice, but if he must know, I wouldn’t want a tattoo there, anyway. That mollified him while making the point clear.

    Since it is something that you want to get done, I think a conversation is in order. Why is he so against tattoos, when he came into the relationship knowing you had them? My partner prefers long hair, but it was much shorter when we got together, and it will be extremely short in the relatively near future. He’s accepted this because it’s my body. Expressing a preference is one thing; “putting your foot down” is quite another.

    Either way I think you need to have a conversation to figure out why this is a problem when it wasn’t in the past. That’s the part that gets me, because he knew coming in that you had tattoos. Most people who get one tattoo end up getting more, in my experience.

    Good luck

  16. One of the major differences between my ex and my husband is that my ex expressed strong views about the way I dressed, wore my hair, etc and the only view my husband has ever expressed is that he loves me for who I am. By the time the relationship with my ex ended I couldn’t remember what it was like to choose a piece of clothing because I liked it, without considering what he would think. I was a teenager when we started dating so my naivety and youth contributed greatly to how much I was willing to change for him. But it was so refreshing to be able to think “I HATE styling my hair. I’m going to wear a ponytail 98% of the time” or “Fuck make-up. It takes too long and makes my face feel weird” or “I have never liked the way jeans feel and I’m never going to purchase another pair” and know that my husband would be totally cool with all of that!
    For my part, I could care how my husband dresses or wears his hair. He’s a t-shirt and jeans guy who currently has a ponytail that I love. Someday he’ll get sick of it and chop it off and that’s cool. It’s not my decision. So based on my experience I don’t think one should have to sacrifice anything about themselves for a marriage but instead should find a partner who accepts them for exactly who they are. In this situation, since the marriage has already happened, I would say a good conversation needs to happen about why the husband feels this way. Once that happens hopefully a compromise can be reached and if it can’t then, if it were me, I’d just do what I wanted.

  17. I think you both need to consider something that hasn’t yet come up in this conversation. Sometimes somebody suppresses something in themselves, and then misses it without realizing it. He or she then feels strangely attracted to somebody who has that lost something in abundance. But once they marry, once they “Become one”, he or she will feel a compulsion to suppress it in the other person as well. I have seen this wreck too many marriages, but bringing it to the surface could avert that.

    Ask him about what he used to like about you when you were first dating. Ask if there’s anything he’s not letting himself be or do because he’s “not supposed to” and whether it might actually be harmless or positive. Ask him if he really wants you to change or if he just thinks he ought to want you to change. His own answers might surprise him, and it might open up whole new territory for both of you.

  18. I would just like to point out that, unlike many comments, sometimes your partner does not have mild or vague opinions on your look. And disagreement concerning this can lead to real ugly fights. And sometimes, your partner might not be able to explain his thoughts much more than “I don’t like it” Basically, it’s a power struggle. It’s up to every person and couple to find what works.

    We are a very independant couple, it is strange to me how my straight-laced partner has such deep emotional feelings about my appearance because I don’t mind whatever he chooses for himself. If he has no problem with me going on a back-packing trip for two weeks with a girlfriend in a foreign country, how can he possibly be bothered by my hair-cut? But he is. I respect his feelings and don’t purposely provoke him. In fifteen years, none of the fights concerning this subject has ever led to an agreement that satisfies both.

    Tattoos and piercings are much more permanent changes than hair. I give more thought and more consideration to my partners opinion the more irreversible the modification. So I have mostly respected his wishes there. I got one more tattoo because it was so important to me it was unbearable and I was beginning to resent him for real. I got more piercings up my ears, since strangely those don’t bother him.

    My hair, however, is not permanent. It grows back and as such I do what I want with it. We used to fight for two weeks, I would get it cut anyway, then fight another week. Now I just tell him the morning of I am getting it done and save two weeks of useless bickering. It is a point we have agreed to disagree on. (Or actually, I decided this. I know I rock my current nape undercut with cool shaved designs, whether he approves or not.)

    The answer to your question really depends on your couple. If he fell in love with you for your strong, fun independant nature, he will not fall out of love with you even if your haircut is not to his tastes. He might argue a lot though… If he really seems to love you less because you are not doing what he wants, then you have deeper issues.

  19. I haven’t been in that kind of controlling relationship (or, I was very briefly, but got out of it in time that it didn’t come to fights about appearance – just a few months) and my first reaction is still a knee-jerk “NO!” – even though I know my husband wouldn’t care two licks how I present myself. My first thought is that how much say the other person has over your body (and vice versa) is limited only to what you are comfortable with them having a say over. And that goes both ways. So, if you are not comfortable with your husband having a say over your hair, piercings, clothes, tattoos etc. then he doesn’t get a say (and, again, that also goes the other way – you only get a say in what he is comfortable giving you a say in).

    I am comfortable with my husband critiquing my clothes (though he never does) or makeup (though I almost never wear it, and he never asks me to – but my comfort is limited to his opinion on the outcome if I choose to wear it, he doesn’t get a say in whether I wear it or not). If he had a strong opinion about my hair I’d listen, but wouldn’t necessarily do as he wanted.

    But unlike others here who feel – not without good reason – that hair etc. can be compromised on because it grows back but permanent mods need more discussion – I am absolutely not OK with anyone, including my wonderful husband, having any say whatsoever in whether I get a tattoo, piercing etc. I would quite comfortably get a tattoo – I never have but am considering one – without even telling him first. He’d be OK with it because that’s who he is, but also because he’d have to be, and also because I wouldn’t be married to someone who wasn’t. I know that sounds harsh but this is a dealbreaker for me, much like smoking or fair allocation of housework or my earning more being a non-issue. This is one area where I really don’t believe in compromise. It’s my BODY. I will never compromise on that. If I came home with a tattoo he was upset about (he wouldn’t be), if it weren’t resolved fairly quickly through discussion then it’d be marriage-counselor-level alert. I feel very strongly about this, and very strongly that I shouldn’t have to “fight” about it.

    But, I made sure I knew that about myself early on – so I was able to consider marriage with it in mind. Not everyone follows that timeline, and many come to their beliefs after they’re already married. There, it’s trickier.

    Of course, these sorts of things need to be discussed – it’s not smart to just decide how things are going to be when you are already married. So discussing the general idea of how much say the other has in appearance and what you are comfortable with him having a say in (and vice-versa) is important to have as soon as possible.

    But never forget – it IS your body, and therefore you DO get to make the final decision, even if that decision is to give your husband some say. You don’t have to.

  20. Another thought occurred to me. He might be worried about the impact on the kids–that they will feel embarrassed about their Mom. Kids feel embarrassed about their Mom anyway. Besides, they’ll change their minds later. I was mortified when my mother dyed her hair pink–in 1962, long before there was any punk movement to back it up. But as an adult I became quite proud of the memory, that she had the guts to do that! I remember her saying, “Oh, I just liked walking down the streets, listening to the brakes screech as I passed by.”

  21. well to sum up

    we got into a arguement

    i didnt talk to him for 2 days

    he sent flowers to my work with a card saying “im sorry im terrible with words”

    we talked and he said “i was just expressing my opinion and what i like has changed, but i love you no matter what you look like”

    and now i have a freshly buzzed afro hawk

    my take away is “its easier to ask for forgiveness, than permission”

    thank you everyone for your help, i feel like a lot of your advice will really come in handy in the future

  22. When we started dating, I had short spiky red hair. It didn’t quite go with my personality — I’m incredibly shy and not fond of being in the spotlight — but I loved it because it represented my love for adventure. Over the past few years, I’ve grown my hair out and stopped dying it. Occasionally, I mention wanting to cut/spike/dye it again, but my fiance tends to dismiss that — pointing out that it took forever to grow out and that I need to look professional. And that’s true, but it still hurts.

  23. I am happy to say that I have gone past this point. But I do feel sympathy with you. Ultimately, all the “other” things to think about like jobs and trends and what the kids will think and in laws and blah blah…. none of those things mean anywhere near as much to me as bodily autonomy. So what I want to do always wins out.

    Not to say that I don’t think about it and make sure it’s really what I want aesthetically. I do.

    But now, I have enough very visible tattoos and dreadlocks and other body mods, that it is abundantly clear, and if it isn’t I’ll say it within an hour of meeting someone in just casual conversation anyway, that I am going for full body coverage, and nobody else’s personal preference means squat to me. A tattoo artist with experience for knowing how it will change with my body over time, or a friend who knows my taste, or a partner who knows how my style evolves, yes. But someone who just doesn’t want me to go that extra step towards full-blown freak, or someone who is that person but pretends they aren’t, definitely not.

    And I am very happy to be in this place 😀 Hand tattoos and tongue splits work great on my tinder profile. They bring in people who want to talk about body fun, and keep out those that would be struck dumb if they met me in person, or fling a bible at me.

    I’m glad you stood your ground and have a buzzcut now! 😀

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