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Individuation: stumbling toward emotional self-reliance

Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.

My same-sex marriage is as real as yours no matter what happens

With all the movement towards marriage equality in Australia (and now speculation in the US again), I thought it was time to talk about and maybe even open a discussion about gay marriage. Luckily for me and my wife, it is recognized in America post-Obergefell v. Hodges. I have mentioned my upbringing as a late-bloomer in the South, and the fact that I was raised to believe marriage is between a man and a woman. Little did I realize, when hearing these things, that I would find myself deeply in love and married to a woman when I grew up. Falling in love with someone of the same sex really puts a dent in those childhood teachings…

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Swinging: an insider's perspective (plus how it differs from polyamory!)

I've been seeing lots of awesome posts about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. I wanted to offer some thoughts on a variation that I haven't seen talked much about yet: swinging.

Swinging or, "the lifestyle," as we often refer to it with each other (sometimes indicated by a black ring on the right ring finger for those who like to advertise their proclivity), is one subculture among many with countless variations and expressions. Here is my personal perspective…

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I've been married for three years and I still can't pick a married last name

It happens all the time. Someone will look at me, ask for my name, and I'll panic. What is my name here? My doctor and my library know me as Ms. My-Last-Name. Our dog groomer and favorite restaurant know me as Mrs. His-Last-Name. My bank knows me as both. And at some point, my gym changed my name to match my husband's, but I forget and give them the wrong name every time. Who am I this time?

2.6k

My husband doesn't want kids: how do I cope with his choice?

My husband recently told me he definitively doesn’t want children. I knew he’d been leaning that way over the past few years so we’ve been waiting. Silly me, I’d always thought he’d eventually change his mind. If I’m honest my heart is quite broken. I’ve always looked forward to being a parent. How do I move from wanting a child to child-free?