The most frequent question I get about my pregnancy is whether I want a boy a girl. The second question is whether I want to know. The only reason I would like to know is for practical reasons, the baby shower. My husband says he wants a boy because of the “boyfriend issue” if we had a girl. I’ve noticed that’s something that freaks many men out about having a daughter.
It makes no difference to me whether it’s a boy or a girl, whether he has brown skin like me or she has light skin like my husband. I was born in Mexico City and my husband is from California, he is half Mexican and half Guatemalan with British ancestry (we think, sometimes he seems more Scottish to me) that makes him look white.
People are always shocked when he starts talking Spanish and he’s even had to face racism from more brown-looking Mexicans he has met. Racism has also shown its ugly face in comments that our baby will be a beautiful light-skinned baby.
I know it’s so ingrained in our society to look at white babies as more beautiful than those of color, but it angers me. At this point in our so-called evolved society, shouldn’t we have grown out of that? Sadly we are nowhere close to seeing people from the inside out.
I doesn’t matter to me whether our baby is a boy or a girl or brown or white.
Another comment I hear a lot is, “It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl as long as it’s healthy.” Of course I wish the best for my child and I hope more than anything she will be healthy and I am taking precautions to take care of her while she is inside me, growing and preparing to come out into this strange world.
But I will not love him any less if something goes wrong. She is my baby no matter what. I know it’s an innocent comment and just good wishes but it makes me think about parents and children who have to learn to live with a disability and how society at large sees this. We no longer see it as punishment for our sins perhaps but there is still an element of discrimination.
All these issues have made me realize how hard it is to be born into this world, where being a specific gender or color already maps out part of you life. I do have the hope that despite stereotypes and racism, despite all the hate in this world, it is possible to succeed and have a fruitful life, whatever that path may be for my child.
There are many who have fought for civil rights and struggled with much more discrimination than my child will ever face and I thank them for that. I am thankful for Jesus and Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks, Cesar Chavez and Digna Ochoa, all revolutionaries in the name of love for those who have been outcast, those who have been discarded by society.
So to my son or daughter I want to say, that it doesn’t matter to me what gender you are or what you look like, I already love you forever and nothing will ever change that. If the world sees you for what you look like, show them who you are inside, show them your true beauty.
I will do my best to teach you about the truth, the faith, the hope and the love that I have found in my life, the most important tools to battle all the hate, discrimination, and racism that still plagues this planet.