By: Kate Haskell – CC BY 2.0 My husband hates lotion. He thinks it’s completely disgusting. I can’t even get him to wear sunscreen, despite his history of precancerous moles. Although this is worrisome to me, I’ve always chosen to avoid this battle. Which was fine until we had our baby four months ago.
Our little girl has super-sensitive skin, just like her mama. She is very susceptible to diaper rash and has some eczema, particularly on her scalp. We use cloth diapers — a decision my husband was totally on board with. When we put disposables on her, she breaks out in a rash no matter how much diaper cream we put on. If she is adequately lubed up, I can keep her little bum clear in the cloth diapers. BUT…
My husband finds the diaper cream so yucky on his own fingers that he’ll hardly touch the stuff, let alone cover her bum with it properly. Every single time he puts her heavier night diaper on, she wakes up with a rash. In fact, if he changes her more than twice in a row, she’ll get a rash. We’ve “discussed” (read: argued about) this, and he says it makes no sense to him to put something moisturizing on her if wetness is the problem. I’ve explained the science of barrier creams to him and he says it baffles him. I find myself thinking he’s just trying to justify his own bad parenting. I know that’s a mean thing to think.
I’m at a loss. In most other ways, he’s a wonderful father and husband. I hate to see her in pain from diaper rash but I don’t want to have to do every diaper change myself. Please, please tell me: how do you deal with a partner’s quirks and preconceptions when you believe they are negatively impacting your baby? — Jenny
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Comments on How can I deal with my partner’s baby-unfriendly quirk?
How frustrating. I have a few things to suggest.
1. Have you determined the cause of the diaper rash? Have you considered lots of naked time to avoid having to put cream on her as often? Look into Elimination Communication. (It’s not all or nothing btw)
2. Have you considered alternatives to diaper creams? If you are breastfeeding, that is a WONDERFUL diaper rash ‘cream’. Here’s a website about different diaper rash treatments. http://www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com/diaperrashcreams.htm
3. Talk to your hubs. Tell him that this is not about his discomfort or his quirks. This is about the comfort and health of your baby. We all have to make sacrifices and do things we would rather not. We can’t necessarily pick and choose what we get to do when it comes to that sort of thing. Can he try using gloves or some sort of application device (small spatula ONLY for the cream)?
My husband swore he would never change a poop diaper once our lo started eating solids. I told him that his discomfort was not going to be my burden. It wasn’t mean about it, just very matter of fact. Give your husband printed research on barrier creams if you have to.
I hope this was helpful. I just know there have been several things I have had to skip pleasantries and be blunt with my hubby.
I think diaper cream feels gross too and it’s actually not great for your cloth diapers depending on what kind you use. My 5 mo is also cloth diapered with an extra sensitive tushy but we don’t use diaper cream. I found that the wipes we were using were actually causing her rashes and no matter how much cream we used the rash just seemed to spread. Then we switched to Earth’s Best Sensitive wipes and we’ve been 100% rash free since with not a drop of cream! We went through several brands of wipes and creams before using Earth’s Best, even “natural” or “sensitive” stuff from Huggies & Aveeno. It contains shea butter and aloe in the wipe solution and is alcohol, chlorine and soap free, all of which I think helps. I’ve also found a soap free DIY wipe recipe that’s aloe, water & tea tree oil I might out. Maybe you’d be interested in that since you’re a DIYer too?
It sound like he is having trouble with the idea of the cream, but this might help a little bit:
I can`t stand how diaper cream gets under my nails and STAYS there. Instead of using my finger, I use a tissue. I fold it up a couple of times and slip my finger into it. We also like this method because we`re not putting just-cleaned-up-poop fingers into the tub of cream. I don`t know if this will help your hubby at all, but it`s worth a try! (As for him not “getting” the cream, try putting a layer on the back of your hand and have him watch as you put it under running water. He`ll see the water sheet off.)
Are you guys using wipes at all? When my son was in diapers, we discovered that whenever we used conventional wipes he was more prone to breakouts. We switched to squares of gauze (which is what his NICU used and recommended) to clean him (just used warm water!) and the breakouts stopped. We made sure he was totally dry before putting the diaper back on, and veeeeery rarely used any cream at all, because it seemed to make the problem worse. He has sensitive skin as well (as do I), and it seemed the more stuff we put on it, the worse any breakouts would be. His pediatricians (we moved a few times, so he had a couple) were all big fans of this method as well, and it worked well for us.
If it’s his own squick factor about touching the stuff, supply him with a box of latex-free nitrile gloves to use when he’s got diaper duty. Point out that by not using the protective lotion, he’s causing his his daughter to be in needless pain and discomfort.
If he doesn’t want to use a glove, have him use a cotton pad to spread the lotion. If he thinks lotion bottles are gross (they CAN be bacteria magnets), use disposable sample size packets instead of tubes or tubs of lotion.
If he still refuses, I’d do a google image search and show him how bad diaper rash can get. And have your pedi talk to him. This is pretty inexcusable.
We have a very sensitive baby and we 1) started to wash butt instead of use wipes and 2) actually we had to look into her allergies (!!) because we started to get worse when starting solid foods ( every night all the time) and now that we cut out bad foods it is so much better. I was told that this irritation was not just on her butt, it was also on the inside and the butt was a symptom of a bigger problem. It took a dermatologist and an allergist to figure it out so just wanted to give you a heads up to check on allergies as well. ( We have eczema and it is a symptom of an allergy trigger). We cut out wheat or egg related products and we are almost diaper rash free now!
My husband is freaked out by poo and hates changing brown diapers. I usually let it go; after all, he gets the spiders, lizards, cat turds and cat sick that creep me out and make me want to puke. I’m saying that because I believe in helping each other out in a partnership. However, this issue of yours I think goes way beyond what is “yucky” or makes a person uncomfortable. This is an issue involving your child’s health and well-being, and I think he needs to come to terms with his aversion somehow (like the latex glove idea) and put her welfare first. This is what we are supposed to do as parents. And my dear sweet husband does change diapers if he must, knowing that baby’s poo might actually touch his skin. He’s a grown up and sometimes even acts like one. Good luck with everything.
A tip for your husband’s sun protection- checkout Outdoor Outfitters like REI, Cabela’s, Eastern Mtn Sports (am I allowed to list these without it being considered promoting them?) They have long sleeve/long pant sunguard clothing made out of lightweight, cool, breathable fabric. Like, I’m maybe 2 degrees warmer on a hot, humid, Mid-atlantic Day than I would be in something sleeveless. Totally takes away the necessity of gooey sunscreen while protecting my fair, redheaded skin!
Have you thought about changing up the diaper routine at all? I don’t mean actually changing the baby, but how you handle and clean the diapers?
I’m pregnant with our first, so I’m by no means an expert, but we’re planning on cloth diapering and I’ve been doing Research (yes, with a capital ‘R’). And one of the things I’ve noticed is that if you’re using a non-cloth friendly diaper cream, or detergents that leave residue, or or or than those sorts of things can contribute to the diaper rash. You didn’t say anything about the type of cream or detergent you use, so for all I know you’re already aware of this, but if not, this is pretty much where I started on my researches: http://alphamom.com/tag/cloth-diapers/ – the author talks about different rash-prevention schemes a lot (her sons also have very sensitive skin) although it’s not always obvious from the title of the post.
Anyway, just a thought – maybe changing up your detergent or washing process will fix the rash and make the cream less of a necessity.
Am I the only one who uses wipes to spread diaper cream? I don’t have an issue with lotions but I don’t have my own baby–and I’m not sticking my fingers into the butt crack of the children I babysit and then taking several minutes (while active baby runs around creating mayhem) cleaning the grease off my fingers. I just grab an extra wipe, put the dollop of cream on there and I’m very thorough about spreading it. I know it’s a little wasteful but it’s what is working best for me right now. If you use gauze or washcloths, you can still use those to put the cream on.
I am really grossed out by certain lotions and sunscreens, like it is specific to smell and brand. I get very dry hands, so I found one I like and it’s great. Anyway, if I have to touch something that I think is gross to touch (raw meat, doing dishes by hand, touching weird creams) then I use a glove or gauze or whatever alternative to those.
Unfortunately the baby can’t do this themselves, so the parents have to, which means he will have to talk and think about what won’t make him freak out, but that will let him help the baby in this way. I also second the advice to get a medical professional to reiterate the importance.
If the issue is the consistency of diaper cream (which is kind of gross I think) maybe changing the kind you use would be good. I didn’t see anyone else suggest coconut oil….we use coconut oil with some added in essential oils that smells great and seems to clear up diaper problems really rapidly. I usually just pour a little (or scoop depending on how solid it is) oil into my hands and smooth it on any redness…you can use whatever is left to give baby a mini massage or moisturize your own hands.
1) Perhaps there might be a few hours during the day that you can leave your daughter diaperless? That can go a long way combat diaper rash in a cream-fee way.
2) Perhaps your husband can think of barrier cream as a “temporary raincoat for the baby’s ass”. Oil repels water, which is why you are slicking it up. It’s not moisturizer, right? It’s VARNISH.
3) Do your cloth diapers have build-up in them? That can cause rash.
To the people in general who are saying he needs to just get over it – it’s true that the baby’s needs come first and that there needs to be a solution, but the solution really isn’t for him to just get over it, especially if he’s seriously sensorily averse and not just kinda grossed out. There needs to be action, and a lot of the suggestions above make sense, but just on a relationship level between the OP and her husband, not taking him seriously about his psychological needs or kind of implying that they’re a selfish indulgence (even if you think you’re hiding it if you feel like that it’s probably coming out in your behavior) would make anyone defensive and argumentative. Make sure that if you make these suggestions about gloves or having the doctor explain things you’re not accidentally communicating to him “well, since you can’t even be trusted to handle changing diapers, I’ve figured out some solutions that even you can’t screw up.” I’m seriously overstating it here, but I’m sure you get the point – things will probably go much more smoothly if you make sure that the undertone of the communication is about you guys working together to come up with a solution that works for everyone, and his input and issues are just as important and legit as any other factors.
As someone with honest-to-goodness OCD and an extreme sensitivity to textures, THANK YOU for this comment. I was really disappointed to see all the comments condemning or chastising the husband. Yes, the diaper rash absolutely needs to be addressed, but I’m sure there’s a way to go about it that doesn’t dismiss or belittle the father.Emphasizing partnership and eliminating finger-pointing will go a long way here.
I think a lot of the irritation here stems from the fact that it is his problem to address. Yes, it’s a genuine aversion, yes, it needs to be dealt with rather than belittled, but he needs to be the one saying “this is a problem, it’s affecting my daughter’s health, I need to do something about it” rather than just refusing to put the cream on. Having the problem in the first place isn’t irresponsible, refusing to tackle it is.
I cloth diaper (style: prefolds in waterproof covers, pocket-style for overnight), and I’ve been told that traditional barrier creams build up on the diapers and actually make them water proof – so the diaper won’t soak up the urine but hold it against little bottoms. I’m not sure if you use another style of diaper (I.E. pocket-style), but I was under the impression that the same was true for them. How often and well you wash the diapers will make a huge difference too, and because those barrier creams are waterproof they don’t wash off as well as you probably hope they would – even making the diaper water-proof. I actually do 2 complete wash/rinse cycles with an extra rinse at the end to make sure I get the best rinse – and with as much water as my washer will handle. I use Rockin’ Green soap because 1) it comes with some amazing smells and 2) it’s one of two cloth diaper safe detergents I can get locally.
I use LuSa Booty Balm when I see redness (especially after a BM) or any little rashes/bumps – and it’s not really the same texture as lotions or creams. As far as wipes, I use cloth wipes with a sprayer of “wipe juice” so I can adjust how much wetness I need for any given dirty diaper. I actually put some *talc-free* baby powder down on the diaper (instead of poofing it on my baby’s bottom) – especially when I’m going to be driving for a while and need to do so for comfort or its hot outside and I notice heat rash (though, there is some question if this is advisable with fleece-lined diapers, I don’t do this with my overnights).
I’m also lucky enough to have a local diaper store that walked me through the whole cloth diapering process – and they have a lot of their information on their website: http://www.littleneetchersdiapers.com .
Those diaper balm sticks that other commenters have mentioned are actually OK for cloth diapers, so that would probably be a good bet for your specific situation.
I’ve seen lots of good suggestions regarding alternate diaper creams & ways to apply them (& alternate solutions like testing for allergies & going diaper-less for a little bit), all of which could help. But I haven’t seen any mention of powder–have you tried that instead? My daughter had a few really bad bouts of diaper rash that didn’t get better even when we religiously gooped on as much diaper cream as possible (of all different varieties) at every changing. It was so sad to see how raw her skin was & we felt like nothing helped. Then our doctor suggested powder instead of creams–even the water-repelling creams have some sort of moisterizing element to them and in her case the problem was too much moisture. So sealing a rash on skin that is too moist to begin with doesn’t solve the problem, just seals it in.
Powder was the only thing that worked for us, and the great thing is that it’s super easy to apply (no touching anything but the bottle) and it smells nice. You just have to be careful not to put too much on & get the cloud for the baby to breath in, but that hasn’t been much of a problem either, just something to be aware of & keep an eye on when applying. Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for you both!
I just wanted to add that the diaper fabric content could be contributing. I am sensitive to polyester and apparently my daughter is also. Also using cloth wipes with a spray bottle so I can clean her and blot her dry seems to make a difference.
Good luck!
My friends had a good experience with the Elimination Communication method with their daughter, which could help bypass the whole diaper thing much earlier than usual if it works with your lifestyle.
Not an immediate solution, but perhaps some relief down the road?
My amazing-half has sensory issues, including a lotion/cream/anything-sticky/tacky aversion. We’ve discussed this, as our firstborn is due to arrive in October. We’ve used the poly gloves for sunscreen and other purposes, which are thicker than latex and help keep the texture-feeling to a minimum, so that was our initial plan. The sticks are a WONDERFUL idea we’re looking into, and I’ve read about how you can even make your own and pour it into tins or into an empty stick (much like making your own lipgloss but using diaper cream instead of vaseline). Friends suggested using a small, plastic baby-feeding shallow spoon or knife and using that as a spreader for the cream to the diaper — and as long as you spread on the diaper, it’s not “contaminated” and can be wiped off with a wipe or tissue and reused.
Two thoughts:
1- can you do an experiment with the baby? Put the cream on one cheek and not the other. Note how the rash develops or does not? (Yes, this is not approved by IRB for human subjects, and I don’t think allowing your baby to get a horrible rash is a good idea, but if she’s going to get one anyway, this may be a way to drive the “science” home)
2- natural consequences. Your DH needs to be up all night with the baby or take the baby to the doctor if she gets a rash based on his neglect of using the creme. (see above disclaimer about human subjects)
Has he tried using gloves to put the cream on? I think sometimes simple solutions like that can get overlooked when two people are very sure that “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
As a complete aside to this. Please try chamomile tea for nappy rash. It is magic! And it’s not slimy, like cream s or lotions (yes, I have sensory processing problems and totally get where your husband is coming from).
You make up a strong two tea bag cuppa, allow it to cool, then use it as a bottom wash AND you can soak a thin cotton cloth in it and lay it in the overnight nappy as a barrier. It just works for some reason.
You can also buy nappy liners with it already in.
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How frustrating. I have a few things to suggest.
1. Have you determined the cause of the diaper rash? Have you considered lots of naked time to avoid having to put cream on her as often? Look into Elimination Communication. (It’s not all or nothing btw)
2. Have you considered alternatives to diaper creams? If you are breastfeeding, that is a WONDERFUL diaper rash ‘cream’. Here’s a website about different diaper rash treatments. http://www.pinstripesandpolkadots.com/diaperrashcreams.htm
3. Talk to your hubs. Tell him that this is not about his discomfort or his quirks. This is about the comfort and health of your baby. We all have to make sacrifices and do things we would rather not. We can’t necessarily pick and choose what we get to do when it comes to that sort of thing. Can he try using gloves or some sort of application device (small spatula ONLY for the cream)?
My husband swore he would never change a poop diaper once our lo started eating solids. I told him that his discomfort was not going to be my burden. It wasn’t mean about it, just very matter of fact. Give your husband printed research on barrier creams if you have to.
I hope this was helpful. I just know there have been several things I have had to skip pleasantries and be blunt with my hubby.
Edit: another website
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/skin-care/diaper-rash
I think diaper cream feels gross too and it’s actually not great for your cloth diapers depending on what kind you use. My 5 mo is also cloth diapered with an extra sensitive tushy but we don’t use diaper cream. I found that the wipes we were using were actually causing her rashes and no matter how much cream we used the rash just seemed to spread. Then we switched to Earth’s Best Sensitive wipes and we’ve been 100% rash free since with not a drop of cream! We went through several brands of wipes and creams before using Earth’s Best, even “natural” or “sensitive” stuff from Huggies & Aveeno. It contains shea butter and aloe in the wipe solution and is alcohol, chlorine and soap free, all of which I think helps. I’ve also found a soap free DIY wipe recipe that’s aloe, water & tea tree oil I might out. Maybe you’d be interested in that since you’re a DIYer too?
It sound like he is having trouble with the idea of the cream, but this might help a little bit:
I can`t stand how diaper cream gets under my nails and STAYS there. Instead of using my finger, I use a tissue. I fold it up a couple of times and slip my finger into it. We also like this method because we`re not putting just-cleaned-up-poop fingers into the tub of cream. I don`t know if this will help your hubby at all, but it`s worth a try! (As for him not “getting” the cream, try putting a layer on the back of your hand and have him watch as you put it under running water. He`ll see the water sheet off.)
I use to work at a day care and we used popsicle sticks to really slather on the creams, it was genuis, maybe this would help you!
Are you guys using wipes at all? When my son was in diapers, we discovered that whenever we used conventional wipes he was more prone to breakouts. We switched to squares of gauze (which is what his NICU used and recommended) to clean him (just used warm water!) and the breakouts stopped. We made sure he was totally dry before putting the diaper back on, and veeeeery rarely used any cream at all, because it seemed to make the problem worse. He has sensitive skin as well (as do I), and it seemed the more stuff we put on it, the worse any breakouts would be. His pediatricians (we moved a few times, so he had a couple) were all big fans of this method as well, and it worked well for us.
If it’s his own squick factor about touching the stuff, supply him with a box of latex-free nitrile gloves to use when he’s got diaper duty. Point out that by not using the protective lotion, he’s causing his his daughter to be in needless pain and discomfort.
If he doesn’t want to use a glove, have him use a cotton pad to spread the lotion. If he thinks lotion bottles are gross (they CAN be bacteria magnets), use disposable sample size packets instead of tubes or tubs of lotion.
If he still refuses, I’d do a google image search and show him how bad diaper rash can get. And have your pedi talk to him. This is pretty inexcusable.
We have a very sensitive baby and we 1) started to wash butt instead of use wipes and 2) actually we had to look into her allergies (!!) because we started to get worse when starting solid foods ( every night all the time) and now that we cut out bad foods it is so much better. I was told that this irritation was not just on her butt, it was also on the inside and the butt was a symptom of a bigger problem. It took a dermatologist and an allergist to figure it out so just wanted to give you a heads up to check on allergies as well. ( We have eczema and it is a symptom of an allergy trigger). We cut out wheat or egg related products and we are almost diaper rash free now!
My husband is freaked out by poo and hates changing brown diapers. I usually let it go; after all, he gets the spiders, lizards, cat turds and cat sick that creep me out and make me want to puke. I’m saying that because I believe in helping each other out in a partnership. However, this issue of yours I think goes way beyond what is “yucky” or makes a person uncomfortable. This is an issue involving your child’s health and well-being, and I think he needs to come to terms with his aversion somehow (like the latex glove idea) and put her welfare first. This is what we are supposed to do as parents. And my dear sweet husband does change diapers if he must, knowing that baby’s poo might actually touch his skin. He’s a grown up and sometimes even acts like one. Good luck with everything.
A tip for your husband’s sun protection- checkout Outdoor Outfitters like REI, Cabela’s, Eastern Mtn Sports (am I allowed to list these without it being considered promoting them?) They have long sleeve/long pant sunguard clothing made out of lightweight, cool, breathable fabric. Like, I’m maybe 2 degrees warmer on a hot, humid, Mid-atlantic Day than I would be in something sleeveless. Totally takes away the necessity of gooey sunscreen while protecting my fair, redheaded skin!
Have you thought about changing up the diaper routine at all? I don’t mean actually changing the baby, but how you handle and clean the diapers?
I’m pregnant with our first, so I’m by no means an expert, but we’re planning on cloth diapering and I’ve been doing Research (yes, with a capital ‘R’). And one of the things I’ve noticed is that if you’re using a non-cloth friendly diaper cream, or detergents that leave residue, or or or than those sorts of things can contribute to the diaper rash. You didn’t say anything about the type of cream or detergent you use, so for all I know you’re already aware of this, but if not, this is pretty much where I started on my researches: http://alphamom.com/tag/cloth-diapers/ – the author talks about different rash-prevention schemes a lot (her sons also have very sensitive skin) although it’s not always obvious from the title of the post.
Anyway, just a thought – maybe changing up your detergent or washing process will fix the rash and make the cream less of a necessity.
As a side note, a good sun-block for the lotion averse is spray on alcohol based in a aerosol can. ther are lots of brands, but basically it’s this.
You might be able to convince him to wear that, if you’re worried about it.
Am I the only one who uses wipes to spread diaper cream? I don’t have an issue with lotions but I don’t have my own baby–and I’m not sticking my fingers into the butt crack of the children I babysit and then taking several minutes (while active baby runs around creating mayhem) cleaning the grease off my fingers. I just grab an extra wipe, put the dollop of cream on there and I’m very thorough about spreading it. I know it’s a little wasteful but it’s what is working best for me right now. If you use gauze or washcloths, you can still use those to put the cream on.
BASKETS MOMENT.
I am really grossed out by certain lotions and sunscreens, like it is specific to smell and brand. I get very dry hands, so I found one I like and it’s great. Anyway, if I have to touch something that I think is gross to touch (raw meat, doing dishes by hand, touching weird creams) then I use a glove or gauze or whatever alternative to those.
Unfortunately the baby can’t do this themselves, so the parents have to, which means he will have to talk and think about what won’t make him freak out, but that will let him help the baby in this way. I also second the advice to get a medical professional to reiterate the importance.
If the issue is the consistency of diaper cream (which is kind of gross I think) maybe changing the kind you use would be good. I didn’t see anyone else suggest coconut oil….we use coconut oil with some added in essential oils that smells great and seems to clear up diaper problems really rapidly. I usually just pour a little (or scoop depending on how solid it is) oil into my hands and smooth it on any redness…you can use whatever is left to give baby a mini massage or moisturize your own hands.
I have a few ideas:
1) Perhaps there might be a few hours during the day that you can leave your daughter diaperless? That can go a long way combat diaper rash in a cream-fee way.
2) Perhaps your husband can think of barrier cream as a “temporary raincoat for the baby’s ass”. Oil repels water, which is why you are slicking it up. It’s not moisturizer, right? It’s VARNISH.
3) Do your cloth diapers have build-up in them? That can cause rash.
Butt Varnish is hilarious and now I can’t stop giggling. I’m going to use that from now on. Thank you.
To the people in general who are saying he needs to just get over it – it’s true that the baby’s needs come first and that there needs to be a solution, but the solution really isn’t for him to just get over it, especially if he’s seriously sensorily averse and not just kinda grossed out. There needs to be action, and a lot of the suggestions above make sense, but just on a relationship level between the OP and her husband, not taking him seriously about his psychological needs or kind of implying that they’re a selfish indulgence (even if you think you’re hiding it if you feel like that it’s probably coming out in your behavior) would make anyone defensive and argumentative. Make sure that if you make these suggestions about gloves or having the doctor explain things you’re not accidentally communicating to him “well, since you can’t even be trusted to handle changing diapers, I’ve figured out some solutions that even you can’t screw up.” I’m seriously overstating it here, but I’m sure you get the point – things will probably go much more smoothly if you make sure that the undertone of the communication is about you guys working together to come up with a solution that works for everyone, and his input and issues are just as important and legit as any other factors.
Thank you for articulating what I’ve been trying to think of a way to say. Seriously, thank you. Great comment!
As someone with honest-to-goodness OCD and an extreme sensitivity to textures, THANK YOU for this comment. I was really disappointed to see all the comments condemning or chastising the husband. Yes, the diaper rash absolutely needs to be addressed, but I’m sure there’s a way to go about it that doesn’t dismiss or belittle the father.Emphasizing partnership and eliminating finger-pointing will go a long way here.
I think a lot of the irritation here stems from the fact that it is his problem to address. Yes, it’s a genuine aversion, yes, it needs to be dealt with rather than belittled, but he needs to be the one saying “this is a problem, it’s affecting my daughter’s health, I need to do something about it” rather than just refusing to put the cream on. Having the problem in the first place isn’t irresponsible, refusing to tackle it is.
I cloth diaper (style: prefolds in waterproof covers, pocket-style for overnight), and I’ve been told that traditional barrier creams build up on the diapers and actually make them water proof – so the diaper won’t soak up the urine but hold it against little bottoms. I’m not sure if you use another style of diaper (I.E. pocket-style), but I was under the impression that the same was true for them. How often and well you wash the diapers will make a huge difference too, and because those barrier creams are waterproof they don’t wash off as well as you probably hope they would – even making the diaper water-proof. I actually do 2 complete wash/rinse cycles with an extra rinse at the end to make sure I get the best rinse – and with as much water as my washer will handle. I use Rockin’ Green soap because 1) it comes with some amazing smells and 2) it’s one of two cloth diaper safe detergents I can get locally.
I use LuSa Booty Balm when I see redness (especially after a BM) or any little rashes/bumps – and it’s not really the same texture as lotions or creams. As far as wipes, I use cloth wipes with a sprayer of “wipe juice” so I can adjust how much wetness I need for any given dirty diaper. I actually put some *talc-free* baby powder down on the diaper (instead of poofing it on my baby’s bottom) – especially when I’m going to be driving for a while and need to do so for comfort or its hot outside and I notice heat rash (though, there is some question if this is advisable with fleece-lined diapers, I don’t do this with my overnights).
I’m also lucky enough to have a local diaper store that walked me through the whole cloth diapering process – and they have a lot of their information on their website: http://www.littleneetchersdiapers.com .
Those diaper balm sticks that other commenters have mentioned are actually OK for cloth diapers, so that would probably be a good bet for your specific situation.
I’ve seen lots of good suggestions regarding alternate diaper creams & ways to apply them (& alternate solutions like testing for allergies & going diaper-less for a little bit), all of which could help. But I haven’t seen any mention of powder–have you tried that instead? My daughter had a few really bad bouts of diaper rash that didn’t get better even when we religiously gooped on as much diaper cream as possible (of all different varieties) at every changing. It was so sad to see how raw her skin was & we felt like nothing helped. Then our doctor suggested powder instead of creams–even the water-repelling creams have some sort of moisterizing element to them and in her case the problem was too much moisture. So sealing a rash on skin that is too moist to begin with doesn’t solve the problem, just seals it in.
Powder was the only thing that worked for us, and the great thing is that it’s super easy to apply (no touching anything but the bottle) and it smells nice. You just have to be careful not to put too much on & get the cloud for the baby to breath in, but that hasn’t been much of a problem either, just something to be aware of & keep an eye on when applying. Good luck, I hope you find a solution that works for you both!
I just wanted to add that the diaper fabric content could be contributing. I am sensitive to polyester and apparently my daughter is also. Also using cloth wipes with a spray bottle so I can clean her and blot her dry seems to make a difference.
Good luck!
My friends had a good experience with the Elimination Communication method with their daughter, which could help bypass the whole diaper thing much earlier than usual if it works with your lifestyle.
Not an immediate solution, but perhaps some relief down the road?
My amazing-half has sensory issues, including a lotion/cream/anything-sticky/tacky aversion. We’ve discussed this, as our firstborn is due to arrive in October. We’ve used the poly gloves for sunscreen and other purposes, which are thicker than latex and help keep the texture-feeling to a minimum, so that was our initial plan. The sticks are a WONDERFUL idea we’re looking into, and I’ve read about how you can even make your own and pour it into tins or into an empty stick (much like making your own lipgloss but using diaper cream instead of vaseline). Friends suggested using a small, plastic baby-feeding shallow spoon or knife and using that as a spreader for the cream to the diaper — and as long as you spread on the diaper, it’s not “contaminated” and can be wiped off with a wipe or tissue and reused.
Two thoughts:
1- can you do an experiment with the baby? Put the cream on one cheek and not the other. Note how the rash develops or does not? (Yes, this is not approved by IRB for human subjects, and I don’t think allowing your baby to get a horrible rash is a good idea, but if she’s going to get one anyway, this may be a way to drive the “science” home)
2- natural consequences. Your DH needs to be up all night with the baby or take the baby to the doctor if she gets a rash based on his neglect of using the creme. (see above disclaimer about human subjects)
Has he tried using gloves to put the cream on? I think sometimes simple solutions like that can get overlooked when two people are very sure that “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
As a complete aside to this. Please try chamomile tea for nappy rash. It is magic! And it’s not slimy, like cream s or lotions (yes, I have sensory processing problems and totally get where your husband is coming from).
You make up a strong two tea bag cuppa, allow it to cool, then use it as a bottom wash AND you can soak a thin cotton cloth in it and lay it in the overnight nappy as a barrier. It just works for some reason.
You can also buy nappy liners with it already in.