After a year of trying to get pregnant and all the anxiety, paranoia, and superstition that goes with it, I was pretty convinced that I was the problem. With each perfectly timed period I had slowly accepted that we’d probably need help and I had begun to work up the nerve to face all of the tests I was going to have to undergo. Almost as an afterthought I’d asked my partner to get tested, mostly because I thought the doctors would want to know that he is fine.
Now that we know my partner is infertile, for the first time I realize that there’s a good chance that I’ll never get pregnant, that we’ll never make a child together. When we thought the problem was me he would always know the right thing to say or do to make me feel better, but now that the situation is reversed I don’t know what to say to him, “I love you” doesn’t really seem like enough.
It’s not that I just want children, it’s that I want OUR children. When I dream about my future children they are always reflections of everything I love best about my partner. We’re not giving up: he’ll do the tests, we’ll try to fix the problem, and we’ll raise a wonderful family together, even if the kids aren’t biologically related to us — but right now I can’t help but grieve over the worst-case scenario. Does anyone have advice or suggestions for how each of us can cope with my partner’s infertility? — E