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Could-be-babies: my missed miscarriage of twins

I've been up all night deleting my lists of baby names, deleting my secret baby registry, unfollowing the Twins groups I joined on Facebook, throwing away the books and the ultrasound photos that I'd been proudly displaying on our fridge. I've been up all night unbecoming a mother. I had a glass of wine and sushi and it wasn't as good as I needed it to be. Women don't talk about miscarriage, even though it happens to a lot of us. A LOT.

The realness of early pregnancy and loss

My pregnancy was real. Really brief. Really scary. Really exciting. Really surprising. Really sad. Really hopeful. Really exhausting.

There were three emotional weeks between the moment I saw two lines on a pregnancy test in my bathroom at 4am and the moment an ultrasound confirmed we'd lost it. This wasn't our first pregnancy, but it was our first since knowing the pain of losing one. We were scared and sad from the start that we might lose it, yet we were hopeful this might finally be our time…

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A letter to women struggling to get pregnant

If you're trying to get pregnant, there is a lot going on. You may become overwhelmed with emotions. Anger and envy over those who you assume became pregnant easily. Frustration and sadness over another negative pregnancy test. Fear and anxiety that you'll never get pregnant. It may seem like nearly every woman around you is pregnant and you may wonder when you'll have your turn.

Here's my letter to you…

1.7k

How we're re-building a life without children

I'm not a parent, but I want to be. However, after five years of trying to get pregnant and going in circles about the pros and cons of adoption, my partner and I decided it was best for us to stop trying. We're not preventing pregnancy, so there is still a chance, but the statistics are not on our side given the amount of time we've been trying and our respective ages.

That was two years ago. Here's how we're moving forward with a life without children when we planned for them in our lives…

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Let's talk about the silence and uncertainty of possible infertility

I'd started off so optimistic… I was healthy and young, of course I'd get pregnant today or sometime soon. The longer it took, the less I believed that or my doctors reassurance. My mind became wrapped in a negativity I'd never known before.

It is absolutely, positively, fantastic that there is a growing movement of woman making it more socially acceptable to talk about infertility. What we're not talking about is what comes before that. The months of uncertainty, of wondering if you're infertile…