I should probably start by identifying my gender, but that is… complicated. I am a female, physically. What I identify as is where it gets blurry.
I like “non-binary.” But most people aren’t satisfied with the term because it’s a label-that-isn’t-a-label and it doesn’t help them place me in a box.
One thing that is certain is that I am not transgender, and I am not cisgender. Trans rights are being more and more recognized and accepted. Yeah! But I have read, and agree, that what seems to be happening is that a new binary is being created. Before it was male or female. Now it’s trans or cis, depending on wether you identify with your physical attributes.
I don’t like “bigender,” because I feel it implies a scale from one to the other, blue-to-pink. I am not a shade of purple.
I feel both pink and blue, always. It’s just that sometimes I dip my paint brush more into one or the other. (Okay, rather more often into the blue than pink.)
The only gender identity that feels right is “Two-Spirit.” However I don’t like to use it because it is linked to Native American culture and traditions that I don’t feel entitled to.
Gender dysphoria is what happens when your body/appearance does not match how you identify.
Body dysphoria, however, is worse, and in my case pretty mild. (My boobs are the plague of my life. They don’t belong on me. I’ve had fantasies of double mastectomies. However at the moment, I don’t feel the actual need to go through surgery.)
So… I am still not anywhere on this (new and improved) scale! I dress like a man, but I still like my feminine pronouns. As stated earlier, it’s not either/or for me. It’s both.
And all this is not even a new thing for me. As a teenager, in the early nineties, I had no internet to help me figure it out. And, as a broke young adult in the new millenia, I still didn’t have the amazing resources and web connection of, “Hey, my specific gender identity has a name and I’m not alone!”
But don’t worry about me and my lack of labels.
I am not still trying to figure myself out. I am not a confused teenager anymore. I am close to forty, so I am practically ancient! And if this gender blurriness has not changed in the past twenty years, I doubt it will in the next twenty.
So I say… eff the [any] binary. Just take people as they are.
Who else has gender identity confusion? Have you ever found a label that worked for you? If so, what is it? If not, what are your experiences?