Some people have asked me: if I identify with a term today does that mean you always have to identify that way? The answer to that question can be complicated and contentious. Here’s my take: HELL FREAKING NO!
My heartfelt advice: Don’t worry so much about labels. Labels are great, but, in some ways, they’re also for cans.
In December of 2009, I bought my first sex toy, and it was incredible. Here was an entire industry dedicated to the act of bringing my body pleasure. Not for anyone else, but for my own enjoyment. And it wasn’t presented as secretive and embarrassing and shameful: it was bright purple. And for the first time, my body felt like mine and my sexuality belonged to me. Since then, sex toys have been an active interest of mine, and I’ve learned a lot about them — and about how important they are.
What is sexual compatibility? Insecurity made our life a little rocky early on. I worried that my partner’s asexuality was simply disinterest in me, while she worried that I might prefer someone else. But after nearly seven years together, we’ve ironed that out — and in the process, built a sex life that we both find satisfying, exploring a non-traditional definition of sex. Here are the tools that we use to help us to define sex for ourselves…
Tumblr announced that they are going scorched earth with pornographic content by removing it from the site entirely. Tumblr’s decision feels very much like a condemnation of sex work and pornography as a whole, and specifically ends up targeting marginalized groups who rely on the site in a number of ways. For those of us who don’t have a problem with safe, consensual sex work, this has the appearance of making it unnecessarily harder for folks to make a living online. For others, it feels like the only way to save the children (why won’t somebody think of the children?!).
I’ve just recently come to the realization that I am genderfluid. Ever since I was a toddler, I’ve been this mix of feminine and masculine, insisting on wearing fluffy dresses while playing Power Rangers. I’ve always felt too masculine to be a girl and too feminine to be a boy.
How do others in the trans and genderqueer community handle physical body changes like weight loss? Does anyone else worry their perception of their own gender, or lack thereof, could change at the end of that particular journey?
Travis Alabanza is a London-based performance artist, writer, and fashion gurl. Released in 2017, Travis’ stunning chap book, Before I Step Outside (You Love Me) documents the experience of navigating public space as a trans person. Let’s hear what motivates Travis in fashion, writing, and performance…