Should we get divorced but stay together?

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Should we set these aside to reap the financial benefits? By: PhotKingCC BY 2.0
My husband and I have been together for quite a while and we got married this past November. Not even a year in we realized that maybe we should have waited until after I graduated, or maybe not even made the leap at all. Not that we don’t want to be together — we love each other very much!

But when we weren’t married I had “zero” income. Now that we’re married and I’m on his healthcare and I’m trying to continue my education I’m realizing that my low/no income healthcare was far better than actually being insured. And now I’m worried about me receiving enough aid to finish school.

Has anyone else thought about just getting a divorce on paper in order to reap the financial benefits? -Jessie

Update: before you comment, you may want to read Jessie’s clarifying comment.

Comments on Should we get divorced but stay together?

  1. I know I am a bit late but this is interesting. I just need to say as much as I do complain about the Aus healthcare system (medicare), its is awesome! as are interest free higher education government loans!
    and now for my 2 cents: I can defiantly see both side of this, you gotta be able to go to the doctor sometimes but marriage is not (in my opinion) a thing to be entered into or out of lightly.
    I just wonder will you get married again later? how much will that cost? would you do it again and again depending on your financial circumstance?

    • I’m curious what you ended up doing because I find myself in a similar situation. My husband and I have already lived apart for 2 years because it’s all we could afford to do. Our divorce has even been paid for. My health concerns have spiraled and with his income we appear to make money but we really don’t. My medical bills cost more than that. But it seems if we were divorced I could get insurance at a lower cost. Because right now I can’t afford it at all.

  2. My husband and I are thinking about doing the same thing so we can reap the tax benefits and also I can go back to school. We won’t break up or anything. I am up and down about this. Don’t know what to do…:

  3. I wish this was a newer conversation as this seems to be the only place to bring up a subject people seem to be so crazy about. I am an atheist and have been a firm believer of Buddhism with studies my entire life. I really respect people deep in their faith but I am against anything that forces beliefs such as the institution we have no choice but to be in. My husband and I have been together for twelve years and going on our 8th wedding anniversary. Our anniversary is and always will be the day we met in person and made our commitment to each other then, not a ceremony we were forced into. We love each other more deeply then the day we met and that won’t change.

    My husband is from Italy. For two years we went back and forth talking about visas and options to just be together. Neither of us would have chosen to marry each other but to just commit to each other in the Buddhist way without the paper. After almost three years of this, we were tired of two countries and married. This is just the beginning of our entire lives being dictated by all these religious and government dictated paperwork. We lived in his country for some years and it was much easier. As an Australian said here, lucky he’s not in this country. Italy paid for all healthcare for my children and I before our Permesso was even complete just by his tax id. My permesso took 2 months and literally a few hours at the local embassy while children are automatically added with the paperwork for the Permesso.

    When we decided to return to the US (basically because our children were getting into college years and wanted to return) we spent a gruelling 18 months apart until his green card could be given. After ending up here, we struggle all the time. Let’s put aside the costs of living here with this precious little piece of paper that was shoved down our throats. The intrusive and judgemental process my husband and I had to go through (and still go through until he is naturalized-which we’ve already applied to but were told we would wait another year and half or so in reality for that to happen after the three years we’ve been here in the US): the interview was humiliating for both of us. We have to keep in touch with immigration for any move or job change. What does Italy make us do to maintain our Italian citizenship? Nothing.

    My husband lucked out on a 60 hour work week at a factory where we pay over 400 a month for health insurance with a thousand dollar deductible and huge stipulations for my daughter, whom had the best health care for severe asthma in Italy and now can’t get the proper treatment because, of course, American doctors know everything and European doctors just aren’t as modern with treatment. We don’t get help and can’t anyhow. We are taxpayers (and how, we live in NY and one of the highest tax counties in the US). We accept that and just keep struggling. We came to this country with a sufficient savings but between the thousands to just get the green card and the thousands we paid to have two households and live in two countries while my husband lost his job in Rome after a year of waiting on the green card, we’ve gotten a modest home and pay large taxes with little left but we live and get through it.

    But what always rankles on me is that pretty piece of paper so many people bash others for whom are not Christian or do not want to be in the majority group of Christian believers. People are so appalled at those that don’t need this paper, the government, nor their God. I never would have married my husband this way. I don’t want to be married to my husband this way and he never was a firm believer in the Catholic beliefs but studied Buddhism with me. I would divorce in an instant and forget what anyone is always shoving down our throats in how we should only respect this one belief of morals in government and religion. It does nothing but try to keep control of all citizens following how these people feel are the ways people should live and love and what morals they should have. But I don’t have the option to divorce as it will be more judgement against us then even normal couples.

    I don’t really even care about the consequences monetarily. This is going against every belief and moral I personally have in needing something from state and a God I don’t believe in telling my husband and I that we are bad and will got someplace bad if we stray from our commitment. I am very much against this-my husband and I are very committed in our love and that’s all we ever needed.

    I wait for the time we can divorce and live happily with our own morals without this belief and constraint held over our lives. My son is 20, lgbt and goes to church. With both our support. He wants the right to marry and looks forward to it and I cheered along with everyone when more states began giving rights to marry. I am also frustrated that there is the same government constraint and religious bias for him to marry as he chooses as well. Wouldn’t it be great if we could live as we want and not be judged based on whom we love and our own beliefs without not only the government, but family, friends and even people on this forum yelling their own outrage and ‘sadness’ based on their own judgement of how a person should live? I got bashed and always will for being in the very small margin of people in this country whom dare to not view Christianity and marriage to be the belief and morals we should live by.

    I would hug the equal rights lawyer here whom so accurately stated there is something wrong with the system and that should be under attack. As far as holding someone for fraud for choosing to divorce, whatever their private reasons are for, is insane and just goes to show how much control citizens are having to live under. I can’t even fathom the other comments bashing the op. This woman is obviously going through a lot. No one’s attacking how anyone lives here in life and literally everyone struggles. I wondered what a bit of compassion and understanding would accomplish instead.

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