Up until now, I’ve always identified as heterosexual. I mean, I’m attracted to guys, and that’s what that means right?
Well, that’s because I didn’t know that sexuality was how you’re attracted to some one sexually. I know, it’s right there in the name but I didn’t realize some things. I am attracted to my future husband, but more so as a person.
I love intimacy in touching and kissing, but sex is something that has never been a big deal for me. I mean, I enjoy the sensation but I don’t necessarily look at someone and think that I want to jump them. If I find someone attractive it is really that I think they are super-good-looking, but I don’t really want to have sex with them. Most of the time, I find sex to be boring. I can be, and sometimes am, VERY frisky. But this is, I wouldn’t say rare, but… not common.
All that being said, I knew of asexuality but I thought that it was cut and dry; I didn’t understand it was a spectrum. I thought “well that doesn’t apply to me, I want sex sometimes.” Then I became made aware that things like Demi Asexual and Grey Asexual were, well, things. Grey Asexual. When I found out what that was, my head started screaming “Yes! That’s us! That’s what we are!”
I felt incredibly relieved. I was no longer unsure of what my sexuality was, and it explained so much about sex to me and how I experienced it. So, at five in the morning, I sent a text message to my future husband letting him know as much.
I was concerned that he would be upset. Our differences in sex drives is something that concerned him and made him worry. A lot of the time I would become affectionate and he would take it, as understandably you would, as me wanting sex.
Spoilers: I didn’t.
After explaining what it was, he said that “yeah, that sounds like you.” He was so very supportive and just in general pretty amazing about it all. He also said “I’m cool with exactly who you are. This realization changes absolutely nothing except what we call it.” That is what I figured I would have to work on getting across to him, and I didn’t even have to!
So the TL;DR of it is: Communicate with your partner. Trust them enough to support you. And hey, who knows, they just may surprise you with how amazing and accepting they can truly be.