The Appreciation Song

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#Relationships#Roommates#communicating#laundry#marriage#music#relationship hack

Andreas and I have been living together since 1998, and for the most part, we’re pretty solid domestic partners. I contend that a big part of this compatibility is that we both make a very concerted effort to appreciate and call out the housework the other one has done.

Basically, whenever we notice the other has done something around the house, we tell them how much we appreciate them. In fact, we do it quite literally. “I APPRECIATE YOU,” we’ve said for years. Literal appreciation is literal. Then, a few years ago, it started morphing into a little song:

There’s nothing special about this tuneless, barely-rhyming little song. There’s nothing special about the ridiculous arrhythmic performance art-style dances that often go along with it. The only thing that’s special about it is that it is a way around taking your cohabitants for granted. The song may be ridiculous! The dancing may be awful! But when you take the time to recognize the work your partner or roommates have put in, you’re putting some love pennies into the collective house happiness piggy bank.

No denying: living together can be drudgery, especially when you’ve been living with the same person or people for years and years. But when you take the time every day to demonstratively appreciate the people around you, it makes folding the laundry a little bit less tedious.

About the Author: Ariel

@findyourafterglow

Author of three editions of the Offbeat Bride book and its sequel (From Shitshow To Afterglow, the ultimate offbeat breakup book) Ariel Meadow Stallings is the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire web properties. She lives in Seattle with her son. To read her latest work, follow @arielist.

Comments on The Appreciation Song

  1. The hubs and I like to be completely goofy with each other, so the way we express appreciation has also turned into a song. Granted its our version of the birthday song and goes: This is your appreciation song, it isn’t very long, I love you! Short, silly and to the point. 🙂

  2. I read this when you posted it two years ago, but I wanted to re-find it and comment as you have no idea how often this gets sung in our house and how much of a part of our household life it is. My wife and I sing it to each other, we sing a version of it to our housemate, I love the ethos of it. Noticed something that makes your life easier? Say thank you. Notice something that makes you life more pleasant? Say thank you. Notice how in love you are with someone? Say thank you for them existing. Most days this gets sung!

  3. what you do here is really beautiful. It would have been a lot better if you didn’t add all the expletives. I would have loved to have shared it on my wall, but my friends and I don’t talk like that. of course you are free to do what you want but I’m just sayin’ that it is totally unnecessary and takes away from your beautiful message.

    • Pauline, thanks so much for reading! Playfully coarse language has been a part of the Offbeat Empire’s voice since my book, Offbeat Bride: Creative Alterantives for Independent Brides, was published in 2007. (I say “playfully coarse” because the cursing is almost always used in a positive and hyperbolic context, like “fucking awesome!”) I absolutely do not expect that everyone will like the language — you know your friends better than I do! That said, this is part of how we talk in these parts, and I don’t see it changing any time soon.

      Thanks again for taking the time to share your feedback!

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