A surprise pregnancy, understanding boyfriend, and a new family

Guest post by Sarita

By: Christian HaugenCC BY 2.0
My boyfriend and I began dating in August 2012. We had met online, in person the next day, and just had this connection. I had been in relationships before — I had been engaged. His longest relationship was about three months. Needless to say, this was a little different for him.

Fast forward two months. Things are going great. I’m working as a waitress, he’s in school and planning to move closer to me after the semester ends. Since I had quit smoking a few months before and was no longer running due to hip problems, I was, admittedly, gaining a bit of weight in my stomach. Not much, mind you, but enough to make customers ask, “How far along are you?”

Before I go on, a bit of background: I have amenorrhea, meaning my periods are irregular. Like, one period a year irregular. I had been told by doctors I wouldn’t have children without medical intervention. So the questions peeved me a little, and I decided to take a test. Then I took two tests. Then six. All said the same thing: positive.

Two days later I finally get into the doctor for a checkup. Expecting only to be a few weeks along, we had decided to terminate the pregnancy. Lo and behold, my uterus measured at 5 months. By the time I got in to ultrasound three weeks later, it was determined that I was actually 34 weeks pregnant, 31 at the time I had found out.

At this point we had decided on adoption. The child, of course, wasn’t his, and he didn’t feel comfortable taking care of a baby at this point in his life. When I saw my son, I knew I couldn’t do it. Guys, let me tell you: It. Was. Rough. Crying and begging and hugging and compromising and pleading that I couldn’t give up my baby, and I was not willing to end the relationship.

Finally, it happened.

My son was born December 14, 2012. My boyfriend was in the room with me until I made him leave as I started pushing. As soon as he was allowed in, he came back and told me how proud of me he was. We went home together two days later, as a family, and now are about to celebrate our first anniversary. He has been nothing short of amazing to me, and to my son Aiden.

Aiden will know that my boyfriend is not his biological father. He will also know how much more this means to his mommy: he’s not here because he has to be, he is here because he wants to be. That kind of love and dedication, the willingness to put aside DNA and open your heart, is what makes a family.

Comments on A surprise pregnancy, understanding boyfriend, and a new family

  1. Congratulations!
    I met my husband right after my son had his first birthday, and my answer to rude people when they ask questions about my son’s parentage (and I do get looks and questions because we are Caucasian and my son is mixed race) is always: I couldn’t have picked a better dad for my children. He’s my son’s father because he wants to be and not because he has to be, and to me that takes more love than DNA ever could. Our boy is turning six in a few weeks and we are now going though the adoption process to make it all official. So, congratulations mom and dad. That little guy is lucky to have both of you in his life!!

  2. Wow,that’s a very inspiring story. My boyfriend and I got pregnant after dating for 4 months and I was not ready to be a mom. Our daughter is 8 months old and we’ve been together a year and half. Things seem really hard right now and I often feel frustrated with life for throwing me all these curve balls. Reading your story just perked me up a bit .Thank you for sharing

  3. Your story is absolutely beautiful, and that last paragraph had me wiping away tears at my desk. You both are so blessed to have found each other, I wish all the best for your new family.

    PS – December 14th babies are the best:-)

  4. I’m so glad you listened to your gut and kept your baby! I’ve known many women who’ve felt pressured (by themselves, their partners/family, or the potential adoptive couple) to go through with the relinquishment even though they were having second thoughts! Glad you have such a supportive guy in your life! Rock on mama!

  5. A couple of decades before the Discovery show “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant” came on to much hilarity [sarcasm] and cruel armchair speculation, I was a guest on an Oprah episode called “Surprise Pregnancies”. The sow featured me and two other ladies to whom the word “surprise” would forevermore mean only one thing! It was (arguably) the first talk show on the subject and the audience was merciless in their third-degree. In my case, I had three negative pregnancy tests, two of which were administered by the same hospital that ultimately delivered my son. I had no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever and didn’t look pregnant at all. [The ambulance driver even thought I had a burst appendix.] I remember Oprah jumping to our defense and deflecting the audience’s cynicism. During the break, she also admonished the producers for not bringing on a supporting medical professional to help convince the skeptics. At the time I thought she was just being kind, but much later it was revealed that as a teen she’d gone through the same thing. Sadly, Oprah’s son did not survive. I suspect that when she heard about my story (which started the whole idea for the show after a friend wrote around looking for information for me after my son was born), she was empathetic and felt compelled to tell it as a way to defend her own story, albeit anonymously.

    Here’s my son in 1992 and in 2004 from the flicker pool. http://offbeatfamilies.com/2011/05/tattooed-mama-photos

    Today he is 25-years-old and still the most amazing gift I have ever received!

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