To my (unhappily) single friends on Valentine's Day #Families#Relationships#friendships#holidays#mother's day#valentine's day Posted Feb 14 2018 Guest post by Kae Pat "Happy Single Awareness Day" t-shirt from youngdumbandbrokeco To my unhappily single friends on Valentine's Day (happily single friends, you won't need this one!): I love you. I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you, without a doubt, that someday the void you feel today will be filled in exactly the way you want it to be. That if you just stop looking for a partner, one will find you. Bliss will be forever yours. I know we both wish the future was as predictable and happy-ending filled as a movie. Related Post What Valentine's Day traditions can single parents establish? I'm a newly singled momma. New momma, newly singled. This will be my first Valentine's Day with my son, who is 11 months old and... Read more I think perhaps this May, on Mother's Day, I will feel the same way you do today. Last Mother's Day I was blissfully looking forward to becoming a mother; a month later I lost that pregnancy. There were those who looked me in the eye shortly after and told me that I would someday become a mom; that they themselves carried a healthy child after they had a miscarriage. It came from the most generous, loving place in their heart. And it sounded so familiar, so much like what I'd heard from coupled friends when I was single. I've come to realize that uncertainty is one of the hardest, cruelest parts of life. I'm sorry I can't offer you the reassurance you deserve. I'm sorry that life isn't all roses and chocolates and I know those aren't even what you want right now. You know as well as I do that if that is what you longed for, you'd buy them for yourself. (And you'd buy them tomorrow, when they go on clearance!) My husband gave me a Valentine's Day gift once, the first year we dated. A pair of "real nice technical ski gloves." You know how little kids are with gloves? I know, I teach skiing to three year-olds. They lose them all the time. Let's just say I'm like a little kid when it comes to gloves and I haven't gotten a Valentine's Day present since. I'm totally okay with that. And I'm trying to be okay with the fact that I'm not a mom right now. In the months that have passed since last spring, I've sat in the ER with a terrified seven-year-old at ten o'clock at night; I've let a tired, tearful, ski boot wearing three-year-old plop on my lap for a story; I've held my weeks-old niece who doesn't know she should've had a cousin born the same week. The classic definition of both Valentine's Day and Mother's Day is to celebrate the love found in this very specific relationship between either, depending on the holiday, romantic partners or mother and child. And then of course, we must buy stuff to symbolize that love. Rather than guarantee that either of us will end up celebrating these holidays as they are intended to be celebrated, I'm going to offer this… Perhaps you and I are just wiser than those who try to contain their love to one relationship or another according to the holiday schedule. I'm going to offer love. There is enough to go around — don't let anyone else tell you there's not. You are loved by and love many. Perhaps you and I are just wiser than those who try to contain their love to one relationship or another according to the holiday schedule. Perhaps that's why I mentioned some of the children that I've "mothered" without myself being a mother. I know there are many who've received your love without being your lover. I consider myself one of them. I absolutely, positively, without a doubt a hope that someday the void you feel today will be filled in exactly the way you want it to be. But I can't and won't insist that will happen. For now, I will tell you I hear you and I'm sorry about that void. Let me know what you need*. (*Unless it's a pair of gloves and you're anything like me.) Related Post Get over hating Valentine's Day, and start culture jamming The day that everyone loves to hate is coming right up! Oh, Valentine's Day. It's not just the single people who hate Valentine's Day ("the holiday designed to make me… Read More A version of this post was originally published on the author's blog at sixW2s. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Guest post written by Kae Pat Kae lives in the mountains of Vermont with her husband and piles of outdoor gear for rock climbing, canoeing and skiing. When not teaching youngsters to follow in her adventurous footsteps, she enjoys knitting, writing, and eating ice cream with peanut butter sauce. https://sixw2s.wordpress.com/ PREVIOUS Projections: falling in love with ourselves through what we see in others NEXT Learn how to make this super easy DIY canvas light art Show/Hide comments [ 8 ] I have never suffered a miscarriage, so I can't even begin to imagine what that experience has been like for you. However, I can relate to feeling left out when everyone else is having children and you're still trying. We just found out this past December that I have low progesterone after two doctors have brushed off our concerns, which is a huge reason why we are still childless. I just keep trying to remind myself that I now have a midwife who is willing to help me with my problem, I still have plenty of time to try to have children, and trust that things can still work out in your favor, even if it doesn't happen exactly within the time frame you envisioned. Reply Best wishes as you continue towards your dream! Reply Your wishes mean so much more than words can ever express. Thank you. *air hugs* Reply As someone who spent all of last year single and not happy about it, I spent a lot of time working on the concept of being loved vs FEELING loved. Most of us are loved, we just don't always feel it if we don't have a primary person whose job it is to tell us. Reply Thank you for this ❤️ Reply You're welcome. Much love! Reply Thank you. Reply Sending you much love! Reply Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 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