How to feel safe participating in online communities

Guest post by Dootsiebug
#Pop Culture#blogs#internet#social media

Many of you know Dootsie’s name because she’s one of our more active commenters…. but did you know she used to be a lurker?

dootsiebugActively participating in online communities certainly isn’t for everyone, and it’s definitely important to take care of yourself and do what’s comfortable for you. But I’m going to share my lil’ story. his may not be helpful for anybody, but I thought I’d put it out there in case somebody needed to hear it…

I’m a former Offbeat Empire Lurker. Since I started commenting and participating (including guest posts), my experience has been overwhelmingly positive!

I always have intense insecurity about commenting and “joining” an online community — a fact that would probably surprise some folks around these parts! It’s just so far out of my comfort zone to actively try to be part of a group and I have a lot of anxiety about what I say.

When I first found Offbeat Bride, I was sort of only vaguely thinking about getting married, and I just didn’t feel like I had much to contribute. I noticed that there definitely seemed to be some “regulars,” and the commenting policy honestly scared me a little. I was afraid I was going to hurt some feelings or have nothing of value to say–which I assumed would be annoying and unwanted.

I was really wrong about that.

Related Post When previous homeowners find your home reno blog

You know we love us some house blogs, and you KNOW we love hearing about your before and afters. But what happens if your "after"... Read more

At very least, just saying “This wedding is a stunner” makes the people involved feel good, and everyone here supports that. I’ve had questions answered that I never would’ve even asked anywhere else… and I’ve answered some of those sorts of questions, too. And yeah, I’ve made some friends!

And in the interest of full-disclosure, I’ve made some comments that didn’t sit well with some people, and I’ve had comments deleted. But by and large, commenters on the Empire are so respectful and I’m so aware of the moderation end that I came away from each situation a little more informed.

And I feel like that’s why it’s been so easy for me to go from Lurker to Commenter — I know that pretty much every person sitting in the comment section wants me, and everyone else, to succeed and be heard! That’s pretty gosh-darn awesome.

I do get overwhelmed sometimes with the connectedyness of it all, so when that happens… I just take a break from commenting for a while. And there’s no pressure to get back into the swing of participating (which happens a lot on forums, I’ve noticed).

Anyway, all of this to say… I’d love to hear from you if you ever do comment, but we’re all glad you’re out there, either way.

Guest Post By: Dootsiebug

Dootsie Bug is a magazine layout queen/editor from Central Kentucky. Aside from being totally officious, Dootsie enjoys staring at her cat and pretending to be a knitter.

Comments on How to feel safe participating in online communities

  1. I comment pretty frequently, but I have two confessions to make:
    1 – I almost never check back to see what happened to my comments or the general discussion
    2 – I often reply to other comments, which I always feel a little bad about because it seems like cutting in line since your post shows up closer to the top. Of course it’s even worse when someone else has said the same thing or something similar further later in the thread.

    So – sorry about that. I hope nobody minds too much (assuming my comments haven’t been deleted since I never check, ha ha).

    I really enjoy this community and can only second what others are saying about it being basically the only place on the internet worth reading comments (or commenting for that matter). So, thanks OBE! (the only acronym I’ll use)

    • I find that replying to other comments is a great way to keep the discussion somewhat organized — it puts similar things together. Even though it might feel like “cutting ahead”, it also makes it clear that you’ve been reading others’ comments, and for those of us who *do* check back, seeing that someone has responded to your comment is always cool.

  2. Last September, I asked a question on Offbeat Families about how to handle an abusive situation and got about 50 comments. The support and advice led both me and I my sister to achieve greater health, safety, and happiness. Things aren’t perfect, but they’re getting better fast and a big part of that is due to those comments. So comments can be VERY important.

    Also, Dootsie, I always hope that you comment on the articles I read. You always have very interesting things to say.

  3. Thanks for this contribution Dootsie 🙂 Your input is always insightful.

    I don’t comment as much as I would like to here on OBH, both because I’m European and English is not my first language. And I feel like I have to justify myself every time for not mastering English enough and/or not having a North American perspective (just like right now), so I tend to skip commenting.

    But I’ve gone through the “Lurker-Regular Commenter-Awfully Active Commenter-Official Contributor” sequence on a French blog, so I can contribute on that. I think once you know that the moderation policy is effective, that the readers’ community is like a little bubble of sweet little unicorns farting happiness and that you’re comfortable with the language, all it takes is to comment once. Then it’s like an awesome spiral of fascinating comments in a kind community, and BAM, next thing you know, you’re commenting almost too often for the blog to keep up. I may even go as far as say that emerging from the lurking shadows to start commenting on that blog was one of the best decisions I ever took: I became part of a community, made friends IRL and broadened my perspectives in ways I couldn’t imagine.

    I have duplicated this experience on another online community and have found similar results. It may be that that I’m well suited to connecting/making friends via blogs, or that participating in an online community definitely is a very powerful tool to connect with others, both online and IRL.

  5. I lurked for awhile, but then I became a singular employee. (I have 3 rooms almost completely to myself, which is great if I want to blast Meatloaf.) But the social isolation eventually tipped the scale from lurker to commenting.

    • I’ll admit, my work definitely had a hand to play in my commenting.
      I work in an office full of people, but sometimes I need to communicate without even the slightest possibility that someone will kvetch about all the things I am totally and completely OVER worrying about (read: deadlines, The Big Project.) And especially about Home… it’s nice to focus on home life when my work life is BLECK.

  6. Wow, this thread is blowing up…

    “….have nothing of value to say–which I assumed would be annoying and unwanted.”

    I almost never have anything of value to say, and noone ever This’s me…. annnnnnd I have a habbit of killing threads…. Sooooo I’m probably annoying and unwanted. But I comment anyway. All the time. Cuz I love you guys anyways.

Read more comments

Join the Conversation