I’ve never had an easy time making friends in my life. I had a bit of a meltdown about this recently, thinking about how I have so few friends. I lamented, “I wish I was just at the stage of my life where I didn’t care anymore. Where I didn’t measure personal success by how many friends I have.”
I was feeling like a failure because, when I sat down a couple of months ago and listed the people who I absotively posilutely wanted at the wedding we’re planning, I could only list 30 at the very most.
There are some amazing people who have 100-300 guests on the list that they absolutely cannot possibly trim back any further. And I have 30, at the very most? What does that say about my wedding? What does that say about me?
My future husband nodded, patted me, and hugged me as he does so well when I’m sad, and then I said, “Oh shit, wait — you have fewer friends than I do. How do you cope with this?”
“I just don’t care. I’ve never really had friends. I’ve never really needed friends.”
And then it hit me. Why should I care?
Lives aren’t measured by the number of people in them — it’s the quality of those people. You might be one of those folks who have 100+ people who you adore in your life, and that’s absolutely fantastic. A little part of me is jealous there are so many wonderful people in your life. I don’t have that many wonderful people. And yes, it does make me sad sometimes, but being sad about it isn’t going to multiply those numbers magically.
And wanting to add more numbers to a guest list to “validate” myself won’t help anything either. If the number of friends I have is “too small” that doesn’t make my life/wedding/relationships any “less special.”
The quality of my life doesn’t depend on the number of friends I have I count my true friends as people I can be fully myself around and people who understand that socializing isn’t really my jam most of the time.
And you know what? That’s okay!