Living with a pregnant teen changes everything

Guest post by Raggedy Ang

My family has recently discovered that my 16-year-old sister is pregnant. This has made life interesting to say the least. I live at home with her, my mom, and my boyfriend of five years. We all have a lot of questions and almost no answers. Every day, I feel pity for her, but I also feel anger and some form of resentment that I am often ashamed of. I constantly ask myself, “How could she do this?” But, I know that it’s too late for that sort of thinking. Now, we need to focus on what to do.

I’m 22 and have spent the past few years of my life defining who I am, getting to know myself, and getting to know and love my boyfriend. Family is extremely important to me, yet I am not excited about what’s happening around me. I feel confused about what I am supposed to do and where I’m supposed to go. We live in a small house that’s already bursting at the seams and adding in more people and more stuff is a stressful thought to me. My mom is upset, but being that this will be her first grandchild she’s also trying to hide her excitement. I feel like such a downer because I’m trying to be realistic.

I confided in my mom the fears that I have about having the baby around — the fear that my room will be needed and this little birdie will have to leave mom’s nest way ahead of schedule. I’m terrified. We all had plans that are being thrown out of the window. My mom retires in a few months and was supposed to move back in with her aging mother to take care of her. In turn, my boyfriend and I would rent the house from her and take care of my sister while she went through school. I would stay here in my home, with my herd of animals that I love and would have to give up if I had to move. Now, everyone is staying. No space is being added and more is being taken away and I feel that I am suffocating with stress and worry.

I told my mom that I didn’t think I could live here with my little sister and help her raise her child. I don’t feel that either of us is ready for that kind of responsibility — after all, I’m still trying to start up my career life. My mom also told me that if she had to choose a child to tend to the family and its subsequent children it would be me.

I’m not ready for a baby, nor those responsibilities, and I am certainly not prepared to raise my sister’s child. But what can I do? I have responsibilities as a sister. I can’t imagine trying to watch my little sister — who is much more interested in maternity clothes than baby supplies — try to do this on her own. I can’t even imagine the fear that she is feeling: sixteen years old and she’s about to become a single parent.

I watched my mom struggle to raise us without my dad around and I knew I never wanted to face that burden. I never wanted to have children with “Mr. Wrong.” Being a big sister is tough stuff, especially when you’re terrified yourself. So I’m trying to bring my household to my level. I keep bringing in baby toys and putting them in my sister’s room. I ask her where she’s going to put the crib. And I was horrified to hear “In Mom’s room” as her reply. I don’t feel like it’s fair. My mom deserves a break. My little sister deserves the time she needs to mature and grow without it directly affecting another being. I feel that she needs to have the chance to make a few more mistakes in her life before having to devote it to caring for a child.

With every week that goes by I fear seeing my little sister like I used to see my mom, alone in an uphill battle against the odds of the world. My mother is an incredible woman with an amazing balance between strength and heart, but it took years of being the “underdog” to become that way. Is that the road my baby sister faces? Will I again stand to the side unable to offer much help at all?

The more I think about it, the more I feel like she won’t. My mom was alone with no one on her side. My little sister is not alone. Because, no matter how scared I am that even I am not ready, I will always be here for her. This tiny home will fit one more and when she needs help, I’ll be one door over. And while she’s trying on maternity clothes I will be stocking up on toys and baby supplies because I know that in the end, being an aunt is going to be the best job ever.

Comments on Living with a pregnant teen changes everything

  1. reading this broke my heart. i had my child a month before my 20th birthday- and even though i was self sufficient, i still had no idea what i was getting into. it wasnt until my child was here that i realized that there was no one to fall back on- I had to get myself together for my kid.

    your sister is more then lucky to have you. though she probably doesnt realize it now, and wont for a while, she will someday. you are a great person. <3

  2. This is tough. I understand your feelings of obligation, but your sister is not your child, and her child is not your child, so you should not be responsible for either. I agree with the previous poster: you need to get out of there. My best friend was in a similar situation: her teenage sister got pregnant, her mother ‘couldn’t’ take care of them, so she moved in with my friend, her husband, and their son, while my friend also had one on the way. My friend and her family were taken advantage of every. single. moment that her sister and son lived with them, and we had to run suicide intervention on my friend because of the stress that feeling obligated to take care of her sister and nephew put on her. You won’t be helping your sister by taking care of her baby; you will be enabling her and allowing her to think that she won’t have to face consequences for her actions. There is help out there for single mothers, continuing education, employment, and daycare assistance. Help her by directing her to those sources and then enjoy being an aunt, not a caregiver.

  3. Reading this makes me think about all the different ideas/beliefs I’ve encountered in different cultures about the obligation of family. In my own family there’s conflicting messages: take care of yourself by yourself vs. family will always be there for you in time of need. If I were in this situation, I imagine it would be hard for me to determine whether it was for the best, for everyone involved, for me to stay and help with the baby, or go out on my own. For the most part we’re all just making decisions and seeing how they turn out, right?

    • This has me wondering: in all the cultures that raise generations of families together, how many of them would put up with the mom-to-be not being actively concerned or involved in preparing/parenting? I’m not worldly by any means, but it seems to me that this is mostly an American problem.

  4. Just don’t let your “obligations” become a crutch to leading your own fulfilling life.

    Your sister made a poor decision and now has the responsibilites that come along with that decision. It’s admirable that you want to help, but you need to also preserve your own well-being.

    It sounds to me like deep down you want to move out. And I think you should if
    that’s what you want to do. You can still be a help to your family without having to be responsible for their actions. I understand your fears about your mother taking on too much of the burden or your sister not figuring things out… and I’m certainly not saying you should allow the baby to be mistreated, neglected or poorly cared for…. but to some degree you may need to let go a bit and let them work this out while you tend to your own blossoming adult life.

  5. i agree with the above comments. i’d start reworking my future plans. i had my child at 22, and i definitely didn’t realize what i was getting into. and two things could happen to your sister when she has the baby: she’ll be a responsible great mom or she’ll continue to be a teenager. but you can’t be selfish in your anger towards her because this whole situation is probably going to turn out way harder for her. have you talked to her about adoption? i would give this very serious consideration. there are plenty of beautiful couples looking for babies.

  6. With my counsellor hat on: You’re clearly in a tricky situation, and I sense a feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of change and high emotions around you. It’s also hard to get clarity in a situation, when you’re so immersed in it. Sometimes, we need to physically step away to see things properly.

    I also feel like there may be a bit of resentment towards your sister, for creating this change and upheaval. No emotions are wrong, and it’s fair to feel this way, but it might help you to assess and work through these emotions. To put it bluntly, a baby is not a punishment for having sex, nor should any woman ‘pay the price’ for the circumstances behind an unplanned pregnancy.

    Your sister is going through a very difficult time, and she sounds lucky to have someone as supportive and caring as you along with her. It’s natural to be worried about her future. But she is her own person, and has made her own choices. She may have a tough journey ahead, but it’s important she’s able to shape that journey as she chooses, with support rather than direction from others.

    Sometimes, we become so involved in someone else’s situation because we care so deeply, that we forget to look after ourselves. We also need to check any urge to project onto others our own fears, and instead walk with them while they find their own path in life.

    • First, to the author — I hope you are able to work out a good solution for all of you. It sounds tough, and I don’t have an answer for you.

      To the above commenter — thank you for pointing out that a baby is NOT a punishment or a price to pay. This baby is his/her whole own little person. NONE of us is responsible for his/her circumstances of conception (which may not have been ideal, in the case of many of us!).

  7. I feel like the original poster has written this to share an experience, and to get some catharsis, not necessarily to get advice.

    So I just want to say, I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. I hope you can reach a situation you are happy with, even if it’s difficult, even if it takes a while.

    And thank you for writing this – we hear a lot in the media about teen pregnancy, and sometimes about the teenagers involved, but very little about the families it affects. So thank you for putting your perspective out there.

  8. I got pregnant with my son when I was 23, and just like you – had no immediate plans of ‘leaving the nest’. I had just started up my career and knew nothing about having babies. But take it from me – Moving out was the best thing I could have done. It’s big and scary and a world of unknowns, but it’s easier than you might think it is and life settles very fast! The stress levels I have now are nil compared to the stress I was under while still living with my folks. And this isn’t your baby! Your sister will have to step up to the plate and accept the consequences of having sex. Hopefully she will realize that her baby is one of the best possible things life has to offer her and grow up fast for the sake of her child. Try not to over indulge in the ‘what if’s’ about your situation. There is no point stressing out when you can’t even say for sure what life will be like once that baby arrives. Wait and see, and like you said – give her the correct guidance and assurance but don’t automatically assume that you or your mother will end up as the primary caregivers for her child – Give her a chance. She might surprise you 🙂

  9. You know, depending on where she is living, that may not be possible. Where I live a 1-bedroom in a safe-ish neighborhood is over 1200/mo. Trying to start a career translates to not financially secure either.

  10. The ending of your post saved it – other wise all I felt while reading was that you were concentrating too much on your own feelings and making her pregnancy about you and how it would impact your life. All you can do is decide on your own boundaries and then leave your sister handle her own situation with whatever support you decide to offer. It’s her life and her situation, not yours. Glad you’ve decided to support her though.

  11. As an oldest child of a rather large and extremely close family, first and foremost, I’m sending loads of hugs and support your way.

    That being said, if I was going to offer another viewpoint, I might suggest talking to your mother about possibly helping out with your Grandmother. I don’t know if this is a viable option for you, as you have your own life (as many other posters have pointed out). However, since you feel that family is important, and you seem to want to help out perhaps this is a way to ease the stress your mom is feeling without the anxiety you’ve expressed about your sister’s situation.

    Regardless, I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you 🙂

      • I’d be cautious with this. It’s easy to underestimate the amount of work and care an older person needs, and a granddaughter may have more trouble with it than a daughter.
        When my grandfather died, I moved into my grandmother’s house to help her out and because I needed a place to stay. She doesn’t drive, so it seemed like an ideal situation, she was pretty independent other than the driving and had no health problems to speak of. 4 years later, I moved out and got married, but I’m still the primary caretaker. It used to be that she just needed rides for groceries and shopping and appointments but it has swiftly become much more than that and I am left trying to deal with it. I can tell her to make a Dr appointment when she isn’t feeling well, but she won’t. My mother (her daughter) can tell her to do it and put some force behind it. I’m left dealing with the day-to-day though, if she falls while we’re out (it’s happened) or has another kind of accident, I’m cleaning up or calling ambulances or whatever else and I’m dealing with the stress and pressure. In a lot of ways, caring for a grandparent or parent is a lot more difficult than helping with an infant, especially if the parent is already at a health stage where the author’s mother was going to move herself.
        Certainly it may be an option for the author but I would be very cautious about it, so she doesn’t risk losing herself or her freedom/future to the infant or to her grandmother.

        • My heart goes out to you as well as the OP. Your comment is a very telling picture of how life goes caring for the elderly. I moved into my grandmother’s house for some stability while going to college and it became me quitting my job and school to care for her every waking (or sleeping!) moment. Caring for the elderly is like raising a child in reverse. It is harder on you physically and mentally because they require more delicacy and understand what is happening around them. Your child is not blossoming and gaining autonomy… it’s heartbreaking to watch a loved one debilitate.
          The possibilities are there for government assistance in elderly care, or possibly hiring someone to “sit” as I had to so the OP does not have to do everything but it will still get tougher as time goes on. There is a program (at least in my state, I’m not sure where the OP is from!) where they will pay for hired help or pay you to be the hired help. It’s possible that this could be a source of small income and still be a way to help out the family!
          OP, do not be your sister’s keeper… helping her does not mean sacrificing your life, that is not a responsibility for you OR your mother to take on! Be there for her, but encourage her and don’t for a second let her get away with going back to her old life while you guys pick up the slack. I applaud you OP for writing out your thoughts and assessing your feelings, it’s a very mature thing to do.

  12. My heart goes out to you. I hear what you’re saying about fear, plans changing, and a feeling of obligation. It really sucks. And you’re right that there’s no pont in griping about it now because it happened and now everyone has to deal with it. It’s a real shame that your sister expects others to take responsibility for her actions. (My jaw dropped when I read the part about putting the crib in your mom’s room.) But there’s very little you can do except be there for that baby. It’s not your responsibility, but someone has to speak for him or her because babies are completely helpless and have even less control over the situation than you do. Your mom and sister will make whatever choices they want, and you can’t change that. But this baby is at least lucky to have an aunt who cares enough to make sure their needs are met.

  13. Your sister is obviously not thinking clearly and no one is correcting her on the mistakes that she is making, they’re going along with her. Your family needs to make clear lines RIGHT NOW.

    1. This baby is your sister’s baby. She raises it, she is responsible for it. You are there for her to help her out in giving her a place to live only. there is no crib in your mom’s room, the baby stays in HER room with HER so that SHE is the one that takes care of every responsibility. She wakes up with baby, she changes baby, she feeds and bathes the baby. No one else should do any of those things for her.

    If she is still going to school, she needs to find a daycare. There is no reason that any of you should change your lives for her or her child. She got herself into this and she has you there to give her a place to live, but you don’t need to bend over backwards and “raise her child”.

    I had my son as a teen and it was clear from the very beginning that he was my son and my responsibility. I have worked jobs, my son has been in daycare, and I have a University degree. My kid is 11 years old now and he is a brilliant boy at the top of his class. My parents provided us with a house to live in, and are supportive and loving, but they were never in a position where they had to “raise my child”. I am forever grateful that they DID make me step up and be responsible, even though it was hard and I was scared.

    Everyone needs to set their ground rules now so that your sister doesn’t get the idea that she’s going to have this kid and pawn it off on everyone else because I know many teen moms that HAVE done that and it not only sucks for you guys, it really sucks for the kid.

    • I totally agree with you. The little sister made many of her own choices, that will result in her being a parent. In exchange for those choices, she will have to sacrifice a typical teenage life for one of being a parent. No one would be doing her any favors by taking on all the responsibility of the baby. She needs to do it herself, and in 10 years she will be proud of herself for raising her child herself, and truly being a parental figure, and not a pseudo-mommy/ big sister to the child. She needs to start the bonding and parenting from day one, not pick it up years from now after she’s done having fun. Sounds harsh, but I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.

    • I agree with this 100% When I read that the crib would be in the mom’s (grandma’s) room, I was overwhelmed with sadness. How can someone think that is okay? My sister is a teen mom and still lives with the family. Yes, everyone helps so she can continue school and better herself, however SHE is responsible for her own child. She has a crib in her teeny room and she makes it work. Her daughter is now one and even though it has been hard for her, she has become a really great mom.

      • Exactly! Teen moms CAN be good moms! Putting the crib in the mom’s room won’t teach the sister anything.

        I’ve known teen mom’s who weren’t made to take responsibility when they had their first baby and in almost every case, they went out and got pregnant AGAIN within a few years. She needs to be held accountable for her baby, it will help them both in the long run.

        • putting the crib in the mothers room does not mean that no one should help with anything. People who live with a baby should help out with diapers and baths and that kind of thing. The primary responsibility should be the mothers, but all mothers need support from other people if they are teens or no. This baby is not a punishment, it needs love from all the people that it will live with.

  14. This is going to be tough. Very tough. I myself was in your sister’s shoes at the age of 16. I know this is a very touchy subject and everyone has their own beliefs, but has your sister considered placing her child for adoption? I did and let me tell you, it was nothing like Juno no matter how many of my friends tried to say my situation was that way. No one sang quirky songs and I didn’t find the couple in the newspaper. It sounds like your sister isn’t ready for motherhood and no one in the house is ready for a baby either, but there may be a couple out there who want one so badly and can’t. The couple I adopted to and I are still in close contact and my whole family and I get to watch my birth daughter grow up in a home I could never provide. My family offered me all the support I would want if I chose to parent, but I knew I still needed to grow up and it would be hard to raise a child while being raised myself. There are agencies and support groups out there that can spell out ALL of your sisters options to help her make an informed decision. Now I can say with no regrets that mine was the right decision for me. My birth daughter is happy and well, two people have the gift they could never give themselves, she knows who I am and my whole family too and now I am happily married with a child of my own that I was ready for.
    I hope that no matter the outcome, your sister is happy. And I hope that you, as a big sister, can give her the support she needs with out cheating yourself out of the bright future you surely have ahead of you. You have all the offbeat mamas in the world rooting for you!

  15. First off, “who is much more interested in maternity clothes than baby supplies”–Don’t you think that maternity clothes come before baby supplies? I mean, you say you’re bringing home more and more *toys*… But first your sister has to worry about clothing a body that is changing around her! She’s going to grow out of her current wardrobe long before she needs to put any diapers on the kid. Moreover, kids really don’t need a lot of toys or supplies. Babies don’t take up a whole lot of space right away.

    I know you want to care for your sister, and maybe she’s being super immature about this. But maybe you could be that offbeat aunt who says hey, if we’re tight on space, let’s think about ways to minimize the space we need. Co-sleeping is a thing, and a lot of people do it ONLY for the space-convenience factor and ignore the rest of the benefits. Most everyone in first world countries can afford to purge a bit of their extra stuff, you could help your sister arrange a garage sale to make space and money for the things she WILL need.

    Minimize the money your sister will need so that she can finish school without having to worry about as much income: Suggest things like cloth diapers that are a one-time investment, and if she starts investing a little here and there throughout the pregnancy then that cost is less overwhelming; minimizing baby clothes also means less to store, smaller laundry hamper, and less to get rid of when the baby grows out of them. That sort of stuff.

    If you decide that you can’t live with your sister and her baby, then don’t. Keep in mind though that life changes no matter what plans you make, and you can’t blame her for you having to move out before you wanted to. Plenty of people have started careers while living out on their own, so barring any factors you haven’t mentioned, it may mean a bit of a sacrifice but it’s not the end of the world. Really though, plenty of people have packing more than 5 people into a three bedroom house, and that wouldn’t be the end of the world either.

    • Hmm… the “not the end of the world” thoughts are supposed to be encouraging, not demeaning, but re-reading I could see how it might seem otherwise. Assume an encouraging tone while reading 😉

  16. When I am worried about how others will handle a situation, I try to remember two things:

    1. I cannot control how others behave; I can only control my reactions and actions.

    2. I cannot control how others behave, but if I treat them in a manner consistent with what I hope to receive from them, I am more like to receive it. Specifically, if you treat your sister like a capable, strong person who can handle this situation, then she is much more likely to become that. We have a way of influencing others with our projections, so project your highest hopes.

  17. Tough stuff indeed. Really, really good for you for being a loving, dedicated sister. Lots of people commenting here are encouraging you to continue that beautiful support from your own home-base outside of your current home. I think it is deeply worth it to keep considering all your options as time goes on, including moving into your own space… that said… I just wanted to acknowledge how much more heart-wrenching the decision to leave would be when you have that beloved herd of animals at THIS home. When there is such a flurry of big, human life-changes going on, people may forget how much those bonds with other creatures are a profound part of our story.

    Such difficult decisions! Every answer brings it’s own sacrifices and celebrations.

    I really liked/agree with Katy’s comment too.

  18. Your intitled to feel stressed or bummed but realize looking at the negative is a rut that is hard to get out of focus on the good. baby’s are amazing and your going to be the cool aunt if there is no oprotunity for your boyfriend and you to move out then you have no choice but to make the best of it, I would just recommend you all sitting down and gently creating some boundaries like she takes care of the baby through the night you know things that could potentially make anyone else grow resentful and create a hostle enviornment she has no clue how her life is about to change, no one does and then one day the baby is in your arms and everything else gets put on the back burner for a wile sleepless nights feeling like your nuts and then you figure out how to multitask always putting your baby first, I’m sure your sister is freaking out, I was when I was pregnant it really wasn’t a happy time for me but as soon as that baby’s born you’ll look at the situation differently and I hope you’ll be willing to sock anyone right in the kisser that gives your sister a secound look cause we all need to be with people who will defend us right or wrong not make us feel like outsiders, everything works out and babies are blessings this baby may brighten your home more than you can imagine right now

  19. When I was 14, my sister got pregnant, she was 16. It’s weird but I realized the responsibility more so than she did at the time. She was like your sister, she thought about the cute (maternity clothes and cute outfits for the baby and all the gifts, etc) but when it came to the diaper changing and lack of sleep, it was hard and it didn’t hit her until after he was born. When my nephew was born it was just my sister, mother, him, and myself. They were both working and I eventually got my GED so I could stay home and take care of my nephew. A lot of people would think I have resentment for him or my sister, but I don’t. I actually enjoyed it and learned so much. It’s funny when my friends are now having babies, I have no children and know more of the basics than they do most of the time. My nephew is starting 3rd grade now. My sister finished college and is a nurse. They live on their own and my husband and I live on our own. It’s complicated and hard to comprehend (not just for you, not just for her, but everyone who is being directly affected by her choices) but it will get better. You guys will figure out how to make it work for you. It’ll be hard, but in my experience, even just as an aunt, it’s totally worth it.

  20. I understand this situation is complicated and there are a lot of feelings involved. My 18 year old sister got pregnant while I was a freshman in high school and I loved the baby but judged my sister intensely. I was selfish and never truly thought about her experience, but as I grew over the years I realized how awful that was. I ignored the coldness she faced from other family members, classmates and friends and focused solely on myself and my parents.

    It seems like there is a script for our reaction to “teen pregnancy”. We’re supposed to be upset, we’re supposed to say the new mother is irresponsible and incapable, we’re supposed to feel that she somehow did something to hurt us, we’re supposed to focus on what she’s “taking” from us. I cannot explain the shame I felt when I realized how unsympathetic I was toward her in following this script.

    The truth is the anger and anxiety isn’t always necessary- young women do have the capacity to struggle, to grow and to be good mothers. I learned this when I looked at my own pregnancy test as a 21 year old and realized I was going to be a mother myself.

    The only advice I can give is from my own experience and that is to try to distance yourself from the script and love your sister. Really think about what would happen if you ended up pregnant tomorrow and try to support her in whatever way you would want others to help you. The negative feelings will fade over time and you will have an addition to your family that you will never regret. You might, however, regret unsympathetic reactions like I do.

      • I would agree, but I think what bothers a lot of readers is the “crib in mom’s room” comment. It is hard to be sympathetic when it sounds like this girl wants to pass off responsibility. This post focuses on many selfish feelings- something we are not used to seeing on Offbeat Mama. I am glad you didn’t delete everyone’s comments for being too ‘negative,’ but as an editor, I am sure you must have seen this submission as a red flag.

        • You’re definitely not being asked to agree with what was said in this comment thread. The topic of teenage pregnancy is obviously one that people have a lot to say about. However, I do think the topic is a great one for an exercise in empathy if one feels so inclined. I always think about how I was at 16 and the things I would have probably asked of my mother had I gotten pregnant then. It’s a a little mind-blowing.

    • Thanks for this comment. I was a little concerned about the potential to demonise and take away the autonomy of young parents-to-be. I felt a wee bit uncomfortable about ideas that this young person was selfish, or had made a giant mistake and was now paying the price for her stupidity. I found comments about her having made a poor decision, not thinking clearly, not having explored her options properly, having adoption pushed on her, or help withdrawn because it was ‘enabling’ a little troubling.

    • I appreciate this perspective, but I also have a counter point. I was in a similar situation, high school freshman, except it was my 18 year old brother who got his 17 year old girlfriend pregnant. They were indeed selfish, lacking foresight, and everything else people here are saying. They would tell you so, themselves. Everyone involved did try their best, but they were only capable of so much. It certainly wasn’t the parenting or life my nephew deserved. He’s nearly an adult now and amazingly well adjusted, considering what he’s been through. We love him and we’re glad he’s here, but everyone agrees that the original choices made could have been better.
      You say to imagine ourselves in the teenager’s situation (good advice!). In my case, I’d want my family to heavily encourage giving the child up for an open adoption. (Of course, also being supportive)

  21. Things in these situations often turn out very differently than you could ever expect. I say, prepare yourself by saving up what money you can in the interim in case you have to move or change plans drastically, but you may well find that things sort themselves out perfectly.

  22. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings. I would love to hear a follow up after the baby is born to see if it really has all changed like you worried/anticipated.

  23. I think your frustration with her is totally justified, and probably one of the best things you could do for her /with her right now is sit down and be honest with her. I really hope that you’ve told her “I’m horrified that you think your child’s crib should go in mom’s room. Mom needs a break”. While you shouldn’t be mean, you should absolutely point out how her choices are affecting the lives of everyone in this family.

    She CHOOSE to make this child. It is her responsibility. It is your responsiblity as a sister to love her, and help her, and that means being honest, and yeah, sometimes “tough love”. Better she have a bit of a wake up call now about boundaries and responsibility.

    Best of luck with your situation.

  24. I just want to say that a supportive Aunty /sister who lives somewhere else but shares love and time is JUST as valuable as one who lives there. You only have so much to give and if you push past that point, its all tension from there on. Congratulations, best of luck, and well done on being honest about your feelings

  25. I wish your family all the goodwill in the world. I hope that you take the time to consider adoption as an option for your family- I hate how society often portrays adoption as only being an option in the cases where the parent/s are completely incapable of caring for their child (for example- the very worst cases of neglect etc) rather than the times when an adoption would simply be the best option for the child even though the parent/s could actually care for the child.

    I have probably worded that clumsily… I apologise if any offence is caused. I just wish that families who want children but cannot birth them could adopt them more readily.

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