Way back in 2011, we talked about wanting to be pregnant, but not necessarily to be a parent. This was one response that I felt might resonate with some of you.
I am 28 and I am in a serious relationship and I have the strong urge to have a baby. However, like this woman, I feel I am more interested in the feeling of being pregnant and giving birth than actually being a parent.
This scares me because I am really bad with sleep deprivation. We recently adopted a puppy, and the one month we spent house-training him and not sleeping through the night (with him waking us up whimpering at all hours of the night) was probably the worst month of my life. And I wasn’t even working at the time. But the sleep deprivation affected me so much it threw me off-balance and really started making me question things. I know that it’s a temporary thing, but self-sacrifice as a parent lasts forever.
I am actually afraid I won’t be a good parent at all because I won’t be able to cope with the responsibility. But I ask myself, how does this make sense with my current, very raw urge to be pregnant?
I completely understand that I am not alone with this feeling. I don’t know what research says, but it must be the common biological instinct that some women have about wanting to experience what it’s like to have life growing in them. My idea is that this feeling makes us feel loved, important, and very much needed — which is not so easily felt on a moment-by-moment basis in everyday life. Being pregnant, having life growing in you, and depending on you and your body — all those things happen and it makes us feel important and cared for and by… maybe the universe itself?
It’s like experiencing strong love. It’s a feeling most of us are chasing I think. In my case, I am starting to think that’s what it is for me.
Otherwise, my urge to become pregnant should be accompanied by a mature desire and readiness to BE a PARENT. For now, I only have the biological urge. So I am writing here hoping to find some clarity, being thankful to be able to share my very personal experience, and maybe find similar mindsets.
How do I know if I want a baby or just want to experience pregnancy?