Covert stoner tips for hiding your stash

Guest post by Barbie
Purple Diesel, Big Jar

Covert stoners are my favorite type of pot smokers. We don’t smoke at parties, we don’t talk much about getting high, and the only people who know we smoke are the people we let know. While I wish we didn’t need to be covert, I’m not going to argue with the legal realities in the US.

If you want to be a covert smoker, you’ve got to be able to control the circumstances. Keep it secret, keep it safe, all that shit.

Here’s how a covert smoker advises you to hide your pot

Sure you could always go for one of those can safes, but we feel like there are more elegant, and more DIY approaches to stoner stashes.

  • Use a low-smell method. Vaporizers don’t put off much smell, so you can smoke in your room and when your friends come over a few minutes later, they’ll never know.
  • Get it in glass. Not only is storing in glass better for taste, but glass is extra air tight to prevent that ziplock smell leak. Little jam jars like this are ideal, as the lids can be screwed down tight, but they’re still small enough to hide away.
  • Make it hard to find, but not TOO hard. A friend once hid an eighth in the hollowed out back of a wooden zebra head that mounted on the wall…when he was stoned. He didn’t find it until almost a year later, when he was moving out.
  • Vintage lunchboxes make awesome stash-boxes, especially if they’re innocuously tucked sideways into a bookshelf.
  • Speaking of bookshelves, this ring book from Offbeat Bride would work excellently for, uh, other things. Too lazy to make one? You can always buy one.

Other covert smokers, report! (But please use a pseudonym with your comment — we don’t want to inadvertently out anybody!) What are your tricks for hiding your secret identity?

Comments on Covert stoner tips for hiding your stash

  1. Oh how I WISH I could smoke at all! Alas, my job has random drug testing. I will pass this on to friends!

  2. My secret stash is in a vintage ceramic owl. The bottom was a removable part that had a light to make the eyes glow, so the inside is hollow. It’s like my chilly piggy bank!
    My piece is less discreet–it’s in a sort of rectangular zipper nylon container thing that the shop sold.

    I can attest to the magic of a vape. I’d never used one until I met my boyfriend, and I was won over on the first try. I find many of them much less harsh, as well. The linked item is small enough that it easily tucks into a pocket.

  3. We found one of those book hide a way things at Ross for 7 bucks. On the outside it looks like a leatherbound Shakespeare novel, on the inside we neatly stash the pot and accessories lol. We keep it on a bookshelf in our room incase someone is curious enough to open it.

    • … I will now have to suppress the urge to lift those in all the homes I know of that have them.

      I always thought, “Remote? Not very easy access. Cards? That could be fun. Cleaning supplies? Nobody’s that weird. Napkins? Not likely. WTH?”

  4. Man, the best I’ve ever come up with have been small jewlery and knick knack boxes…buuut I do have a Sailor Moon lunchbox that’s all lonely sitting in my closet.
    I’ve also thought about stashing it (air tight, mind you) with my sex toys. No one will snooping there, lol.

    • And if they do, it’s suddenly the least shocking thing they see there. Hahaha.

  5. We live in California where its technically mostly legal but I still dont want to be flagrant. We keep usage to one room that the kids dont ever go in. The stash box is not covert, its an old timey cigar box. But for taking it on the road, especially out of state, we make a tincture of shake and grain alcohol, which we use by putting a dropper full into a juice or soda.

  6. We store ours in an antique teapot that we would never actually use for tea and looks (but isn’t) too delicate for the thoughtful guest to touch.

    • I never thought of that, my mom gave me one of her teapots that is cute and flowery, but most of my tea steeping is via a mug with strainer. I never use the pot any more since it’s just me drinking tea πŸ™‚

  7. My sectional couch has a little stash cupboard that looks like a table. We leave a glass of water on it when we want to be supper covert.

  8. In a plastic Goldfish Snack container. Shaped like the little Pepridge Farms crackers. The tail flips up to reveal the treats. It’s always accompanied with a pen and paper as inspiration happens often.

  9. My husband has one of those stash cans that looks like shaving cream. We keep the smelly stuff in a small jar in it, along with the smoking accessories. Then the whole thing is kept in the bathroom, under the sink in his travel bathroom bag with various guy accoutrements like razors, foot powder, toenail scissors etc.

  10. My mom told me that when we were younger, she would wrap it in aluminum foil and write “FISH” on it and stick it in the freezer. She knew we’d NEVER be interested in even opening that if it said “fish” on it! She was right. I never knew.

    • I used to hide my ice cream from my roommates by putting it in a bag and writing “Tofu” on it. These techniques aren’t just for hiding pot, ya know. πŸ™‚

  11. I hate to say it, but this is the first time I’ve ever been the eensiest bit disappointed in the Offbeat Empire. I mean, discussing sex toys is (hilarious and entertaining) one thing, but really? Secret hiding places for weed? I love you guys and I love this page and I loved OBB when I was wedding planning, but making being a stoner seem cute and fashionable? I’m a bit sad πŸ™ We can be offbeat without being stoners, guys.
    I don’t really think the notion that it’s cool/offbeat/cute or edgy needs perpetuating any further. I mean, it’s at the point where because I’m a weirdo, politically opinionated, art student freak, people assume I’m a stoner. Really. How about a voice for those of us that choose not to?

    • Kayla, thanks for taking the time to share this feedback. With a readership as large and diverse as ours, it’s not only assumed that not every reader will relate to every post — it’s actually a goal.

      Part of what we do here is celebrate little niches of culture. That said, by celebrating one culture, we’re certainly in not slamming those who aren’t part of that culture. In other words, I don’t see this pot post as any sort of condemnation of non-stoners, any more than this post about chickens is a condemnation of those of us who are vegan. There’s room for all of us here.

      Now, as for giving “a voice for those of us that choose not to?” Sounds like you have a guestpost to write, my friend. GET SUBMITTING!

    • my husband has a medical Rx. Stonerbunny is an alias, a joke. Its medicine for him, and its a shame he has to hide it at all.

  12. I can appreciate that, just the way the post is written is such a blase, cute tone that it sort of feels to me like it’s not really as strong a topic as I think it should be. As for the guest post … that may have to wait til I can get my mid-semester assessments out of the way πŸ™‚

  13. I always keep my stash in an old metal Hot Wheels lunch box I used throughout school. It sets up on shelf, looking like it’s just memorabilia without anyone being the wiser.

  14. I don’t…. *ahem* “partake in such activities”. πŸ˜‰ To quote my awesome great-aunt.

    However, I have several friends that do, and I can share a few stash spots I’ve seen over the years.

    Teapots, wall safes (this one was my favorite – a friend had a swing-out painting that had a firebox behind it, and inside he stashed all of his goodies that he didn’t want the kids to find), hidden compartments in lamps & curtain overhangs, and a false bottom in an old birdcage.

  15. As a non-smoker, the only thing I really like about this post is that it discourages people from being like my former roommates who left their stuff lazing about in the common areas like the living room or the kitchen or the studio. Though one guy was an artist by trade, my futon was kept there, and I was often unable to use the living room due to their *ahem* activities–especially being the 4th corner in the trifecta. But they’d also have it out and about in the studio, so I couldn’t bring my non-smoker friends in to chill there either.

    Least favorite happening: Our upstairs neighbor was being disgustingly, disrespectfully loud one weeknight, and my poor roommate was terribly ill. I had been trying to keep her at least comfortable all night, but I finally couldn’t stand seeing her even more upset by the noise level. So I called the cops to complain. When the cops showed up, they came to our door first–partly to check with me, partly because of the confusing door setup–and it was lucky I was in my robe, so I had an excuse to keep the door mostly shut. When I had run up the stairs to answer the door, literally everything was sprawled out in the living room… and I’VE never touched the stuff. So not cool.

    So… long story short, thanks for being covert, if you are.

  16. know your source! i hope its someone home growing, as gangs and drug cartels are no joke. you dont want to be supporting that shit. they behead people.

  17. can I just say that I offically adore the offbeat empire???
    And vintage lunch boxes are AWESOME πŸ˜€

  18. Thanks for this. Because I have kids, I have mine in a little lockbox, up in the closet. It doesn’t add the to decor of the house, but it’s up and locked! πŸ™‚

  19. Thanks for this post. Weed isn’t legal in my state…yet…and so, especially as a parent, I need to keep it on the DL. I didn’t find this post to be “cute or blase” but instead found it to be helpful.
    Our “stuff” is kept on the coffee table in a 50’s ceramic smoking box when the kids aren’t here…and locked away when they are. I love the idea of metal lunchboxes (i’ve got a ton) and that lifting coffee table is a really cool idea.
    Again, thanks for the post…I guess in some states, it might seem like everyone is a smoker…but where it’s still illegal (and when you’re in your 40’s), it doesn’t feel that way at all.

  20. I don’t smoke pot but my hubby does. He does this thing where he hides stashes around the house so that when he is low is can get excited by finding a little stash. This said it drives me INSANE to see he constantly hunting around the house for weed. We came to the solution that I would hide the stashes so that at least we could find them again. This has given me many ideas!

  21. I cant use because I have to test clean.

    Also, because my freaking cat steals my stash and stashes it in the vents!! Sammy can sniff that shit out ANYWHERE and will be damned if anything keeps him from it. He just lifts up one of the vent covers, slips in there with a baggie, and comes out later looking like he partied way too hard. Jerk. I have to tell all our friends to leave it in their cars. He’ll take it right out of their pockets and purses.

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