It’s been about a year and a half since I separated from my ex-husband, seven months since I’ve been officially divorced, and two months since I turned 29.
I’m a young person who likes the company of other persons for kissing and such, so I didn’t waste a lot of time finding people to do that with, once I submitted my divorce paperwork.
I wasn’t ready to date right away, so my foray back into single life began with ill-advised “talking” to a coworker and a brief affair with a college ex (my bad). While things didn’t work out with those two, it was actually thanks to the ex’s constant suggestions that I ended up getting on OkCupid — a free dating site for humans.
My original plan with online dating was to feel it out, go on some dates, make out a little, and remind myself that I am a person that other people can be attracted to. The idea was to have fun and meet some cool people.
Luckily, because of my work schedule, I had a month off, and that seemed like the perfect time to schedule lots of dates. “Lots” ended up being multiple dates with three different dudes. (I did try setting up some dates with ladies, but that ended up proving to be more difficult.)
All the guys were nice, clean, polite, and actually interesting. I had fun on the dates, and got to explore parts of the city that I didn’t normally visit, in order to meet them at their various suggested locations. I went on multiple dates with two of them, and would have gone on a second date with the third, if our schedules had lined up better. But… while I was happy to keep going on dates with the different guys — I actually liked one of them.
I really liked this guy, and I hoped we’d see each other again. And we did. And we kept seeing each other. And then we stopped seeing other people.
Yes, it was a little scary at first to actually like someone again. When I got on OkCupid I was just planning on going on dates, not finding a boyfriend. And it’s taken effort on my part to stay in the moment, not go backwards to my heartbreaking divorce, or forwards to the possibility of more heartbreak (or the possibility of not breaking up ever).
You can’t ever really know how love is gonna show up or turn out. So my advice to everyone else getting back into dating after divorce is this: Just try your best to just appreciate all the positive energy dating can bring… and the kissing… and tasty food.
What are your best pieces of advice to Homies returning to the dating scene after divorces?