dating

Why only you can heal you (and why that’s fucking awesome)

Here’s how anxious attachment works: you grow up confusing the sensation of chasing attention with the feeling of love.

We adapted so well to unpredictable attention that it’s what we crave. Relationships that don’t involve chasing can feel boring…

Individuation: stumbling toward emotional self-reliance

Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.

Let's talk about talking about your "sex number"

Let’s talk about talking about your “sex number”

The number of people I have slept with is higher than most women I’ve asked. At the end of the day, I’m not going to lie about my number — I am not ashamed. But I do wonder how I should talk about it in future dating scenarios.

Anyone else with a high sex number want to give me advice about talking open and honestly about it?

6 ways to help an introverted friend find love (or to help yourself!)

6 ways to help an introverted friend find love (or to help yourself!)

“Many or even most of my dearest friends are geeky introverts who are (unhappily) single. They express that they want to be in relationships and start families and I’d love to be able to help with some advice. How do I help my beloved nerdy home-lurkers?”

We’ve got some tips…

The ethics of asking consent before you cry on a first date: Eavesdropping on a human sexuality professor, Part 2

Can we talk about consent? A lot of us are hyper aware of consent around physical acts, like, “Oh I’m doing this. Is that okay? Do you like this? Do you like that? Are you okay with me doing this? Is that too hard?” Last night on a date, I got into an interesting discussion about crying during sex and whether that’s something you should seek consent for…

Screw the “romantic mystique” — let’s think about love

We base some of the biggest decisions of our lives on romantic love, and yet we resist actually examining love… for fear of overthinking it and somehow erasing its magic. FUCK THAT. We should all be thinking about this shit, since we all base huge life decisions on it. So, here’s some of my recent research…

5 tips for online dating on Craigslist

Yes, I used Craigslist for online dating, and YES you can find ANYTHING on there. Even a spouse.

I had no idea of the reputation of Craigslist before I got on it, maybe if I had I wouldn’t have used it. But I did online dating via Craigslist for probably six years and went on maybe a couple hundred dates.

Here’s my advice…

How I got over my fear of losing myself in a relationship

As someone who spent years struggling between wanting to be in a relationship AND be super independent, I can relate to the fear of losing myself in a relationship.

But now that I’ve been in a relationship for seven years, I couldn’t be happier! Part of what helped me get through my fear was asking myself these questions…