Why only you can heal you (and why that's fucking awesome)

Here's how anxious attachment works: you grow up confusing the sensation of chasing attention with the feeling of love.

We adapted so well to unpredictable attention that it’s what we crave. Relationships that don’t involve chasing can feel boring…

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Surviving divorce taught me how to survive 2020

When my 18-year partnership abruptly ended in late 2015, my life completely fell apart. It was a complete shitshow… kind of like this year. Here's how surviving divorce taught me 9 lessons that are helping me survive 2020.

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Resilience reading: Books to help with the bounce-back

When I was going through the shitshow of my post-divorce emotional recovery process, I read SO MANY BOOKS. With 50/50 custody, suddenly half my time was very very empty and I was adrift and confused and so I did what nerds have always done: I buried my feelings in words, and went searching for my redemption in books. These are the crisis and resilience books that helped me the most…

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Individuation: stumbling toward emotional self-reliance

Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.

A reminder in difficult times: Love is an extraordinary and beautiful thing

Each person expresses and feels love in many ways. We love people in our lives with different kinds of love — the love for a child, a parent, friends, and lovers. Each love is defined and felt in personal ways depending on who receives it. I have loved many people in many ways in my lifetime. Loving someone is a selfless endeavor. To love someone is to bare your soul. To trust that person with the deepest parts of you. Love is gentle and selfless and kind.

Here's a reminder about love in these difficult times…