Tara and her partner are at odds: he wants to adopt, she wants to have biological children. How can they meet in the middle and both be happy?
I’m still a parent-to-be considering family options with my partner. He and I have been together for 6+ fantastic years, are in our late 20’s, and are getting serious about starting our family. What that family looks like, though, is something we’re divided on.
I have an inherant need to have a biological child, period. I know I would feel a deep sense of loss were this to not happen for any reason. He is a huge believer in adoption, to give homes to children who are already in the world. He’d rather not procreate and just adopt two children. After long discussions, we agree that the hypothetical “best” scenarios for the children might be either two adopted kids or two biological kids — this being because there would be no risk of the potential conflict of an adopted kid’s resentment/sadness over the from-birth experiences of their sibling. However, one of us would feel a strong sense of loss in either scenario.
I would love to have a blended (bio/adopted) family, but would be fine with two biological children. I think a blended family could be beautiful and that the positives would outweigh the potential downsides. He would prefer two adopted kids, but would prefer the blended family over not getting to adopt at all. I hope we’ll end up both feeling positive about a blended family as our choice.
Tell me, Offbeat Mamas, Papas, and EVERYONE: how can we find a common ground?