We meet a lot of people out there — wonderful people, terrible people, awesome people, sad people — all flavors and varieties of The Human cross our paths. And some of these we even become friends with. Some we become lovers with, you know… the people whom you meet and become someone you can send a “you up?” text one night and a “want to see Star Wars?” text the next.
Though for some of us, we start to realize that some of those friends are always busy… Or at least that’s what they say. Yet they still frequently message you….
“I miss you!”
“I’m so busy.”
“I am sooo horny!”
“I’m sorry I’m so busy!”
“I just had the most amazing sex with this new person I just met!”
“I wish we had time to spend together!”
“I miss you!”
… all interspersed with random nude photos.
Eventually, the months of conversation turns into a single night of laughs, fun, and pleasure. Then it’s back to text-based banter. Days, weeks, and months of it. Them having time for everyone else — including people they just met — but never for you.
Finally, it becomes clear: You are The Backup.
You are who they go to when nobody else is available. They flirt to make sure you are there when they have nobody else. You are the backup. But they keep you around, because you have 1% of what they want.
Why are we not good enough to spend quality time with? We may never know — they won’t tell us, because the more you ask the more they insist nothing is wrong and they are “just busy.” But we know the truth.
So, fellow backups, what are we supposed to do? Should we just smile and be happy that someone wants us, even if we are their last possible choice?
Holy fuck, no!
We need to realize that we mean nothing to these people. If someone is constantly telling you how much they miss you, but finds time weekly to spend with other people they just met, and can’t even find 60 minutes in a one month period to enjoy coffee, lunch, a quickie — ANYTHING with you — then it’s clear how much you and your time actually means to them. You aren’t even really a friend to them, let alone a lover. That random new person they just spent an entire weekend with is more important than someone they have known for months or years.
We are better than that. And there are people out there who will treat us better, be a better friend, and want us equally. Not only when you are the only last available option.
Stop it. Stop it right now. Stop being their backup, and find the people who truly care about your time and friendship. You are awesome, and you deserve it.
Even if it means everyone you know has made you their backup. That just means it’s time for a change. Cull them all from your life. Remind them you are not a backup — you deserve equal desire. And if they cannot desire you or even be a friend to you on a level equal to people they just met, then it’s time to remove them from your lives. Because you deserve better.
If you read this and realize you have made someone a backup — there is still time. Make a change in your life. Either make them the equal they deserve to be to the other lovers in your life, or just tell them you are going to move on. Otherwise… someone might make you a backup one day too.