I love my exercise equipment with its secret hidden use

Oh lord, I hope my father never reads this post, or else he'll find out that he gave my husband one of our favorite "marital aids" without even knowing it.

See, my husband and I discovered that this gifted and mostly unused chin-up bar, is actually an incredibly useful bedroom device. It's called the Iron Gym Total Upper Body Workout Bar and whoo boy is it EVER a "total body" workout, if you know what I mean.

How? Well, use your imagination…

It's like having a swing attached to the celing, without having to install an ACTUAL swing on your ceiling.
For the BDSM crowd, this little thing is perfect for tying up your partner in a standing position for whippings and all kinds of fun teasing.
For the couples that wanna do it standing up in all sorts of positions, this thing helps you get leverage.
You can lift yourself up and put all your weight on your partner, without actually putting ALL your weight on your partner.
Your guests will never know that the chin-up bar hanging in the door frame is giving you guys a workout… in a different way.

And to top it all off, it actually is a great workout! Oh, and these chin-up bars come in all shapes and sizes for all door frames, and they don't have to be screwed-in to be screwed on (instant rimshot).

So, tell me, what are YOUR favorite innocuous items that do double-duties?

Read more posts about: exercise, pervertibles, sex

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About Ms. Elizabeth

Ms. Elizabeth is a freelance writer and artist, living in California with her fellow artist husband.

Comments (49)

On April 5, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Wowjunkie said

My dad has acid reflux and had a wedge shaped pillow to help with it. He decided he didn't want it anymore and DH clinged onto it because he likes sleeping a little elevated. But if you put your bum on the fat part of the wedge…

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- On April 5, 2011 at 2:00 pm
  Lers said
  
  Word. My mom got me a wedge pillow in college so I'd have something to lean against while I studied on my dorm bed. I fucked so much over that thing that after awhile I felt really uncomfortable if visitors came and used it as an actual pillow.
  
  Reply to this comment
  - On April 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm
    Wowjunkie said
    
    Oh lord, yeah. Dad asked me once if DH enjoyed sleeping on it and I think I turned crimson when I replied in the affirmative.
    
    Reply to this comment
On April 5, 2011 at 12:13 pm
dootsiebug said

But… how… I'm failing to visualize how it's being used, I think. With it at the top of a doorframe, you'd have to have a fair bit of arm strength, right? I NEED DIAGRAMS. Hahaha.

Anyway, the term the BSDM crowd would use here is "pervertibles"–items which seem innocuous to visitors but which have wholly naughty uses for their owners.

A word to the wise: sanitize. Items which have SFW uses occasionally get picked up and used by your guests. And, oh God, the awkwardness is unbearable.

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- On April 5, 2011 at 12:50 pm
  Ariel said
  
  "Pervertibles" is my new favorite word. I'm totally adding it as a tag to this post.
  
  Reply to this comment
  - On February 28, 2012 at 7:16 pm
    Krissy said
    
    And there is nothing wrong with using the term "BDSM". When I saw the article, I fell over laughing because I had some friends who use it when they tied people up or flogging….it's a great piece of equipment…now to find one for myself.
    
    Reply to this comment
- On April 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm
  Lauren said
  
  Can I second the need for diagrams…
  I'm pretty sure we have one of these floating around the storage area somewhere…ideas ideas
  
  Reply to this comment
  - On April 5, 2011 at 2:04 pm
    Elyse said
    
    Totally NSFW here…:
    
    This isn't a diagram, but I image-googled the bar and saw some pretty interesting poses that they use for workouts… just imagine yourself in one of those poses holding on while he does his thing…
    
    http://ecx.images-amazon.com/i…AA300_.jpg that's my *jaw dropper* one.
    
    Reply to this comment
    - On April 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm
      Ariel said
      
      OMG. I just emailed Ms. Elizabeth and asked her to do a stick figure diagram, for my own entertainment as much as for illustrative purposes. Hopefully it'll be coming soon….
      
      Reply to this comment
      - On April 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm
        Ariel said
        
        Stick figure illustrations of concepts mentioned in this article:
        
        (Ms. Elizabeth sent her own renditions, but admitted that her drawings were so bad that it was hard to tell what was going on. She, uh, wasn't wrong, so these are my interpretations of her original sketches. I LOVE MY JOB.)
      - On April 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm
        Sarah said
        
        Very impressed by tiny stick figure man's tiny stick figure penis.
  - On April 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm
    dootsiebug said
    
    http://i2.photobucket.com/albu…itrong.jpg
    
    How I conceptualize my use of it.
    
    Reply to this comment
    - On April 5, 2011 at 2:34 pm
      Ariel said
      
      This may be my favorite Offbeat Empire comment of all time evar.
      
      Reply to this comment
    - On April 5, 2011 at 2:40 pm
      Sarah said
      
      Dude? I think I might pee.
      
      *Lols uncontrollably*
      
      Reply to this comment
      - On April 5, 2011 at 8:52 pm
        CJ said
        
        I totally DID!
On April 5, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Samantha said

I love it! Now I want one. My husband and I are lovers of wine and we had quite a bit of fun using a suctioned wine stopper. We also enjoy going into kitchen shops, ikea, whatever, and finding pervertibles. I love that word. I feel complete having a name for these things!

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On April 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Mona said

I now have a word to describe all of my items! I agree with Samantha…I now feel complete!!! I actually wasn't sure if there were that many people who used normal items for other (*wink wink*) uses.

I have found my people. Offbeat Community FTW.

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On April 5, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Shaina said

My fiance and I use out antique hat/coat stand near the door for the same reason. :p Sometimes the vaccuum too.

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On April 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Rob said

I have an OM Gym that is intended for doing yoga inversions but is totally perfect for anti-gravity sex. Ottomans and physio-balls are fun too.

I like that pervertables could be anything, like clothespins, candles, feather dusters. Seemingly innocuous items can have a whole kinky life of their own. I'll never look at a spatula the same again!

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- On April 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm
  offbeatmegan said
  
  That thing is AMAZING! I wants it.
  
  Reply to this comment
- On April 6, 2011 at 2:08 pm
  SceneKnotHerd said
  
  Plastic spoons are it here.
  
  Reply to this comment
- On April 7, 2011 at 8:36 am
  peachblossom said
  
  The OmGym 0_0 .. the possibilities .. dedicated suspension equipment can be so much more expensive than this, and hella obvious, want it. I'm sure people wonder why I have metres upon metres of red 6 and 8mm thick rope when I forget to put it away .
  
  Pervertibles, mine tend to come from the kitchen, and hardware stores (as per my rope).
  
  Reply to this comment
On April 6, 2011 at 4:37 am
Shawn said

Rob, clothes pins are a yes, haha, our house mates have no idea.

I got the craziest wild grin on my face when I saw this post. I have had one of these for years, and unfortunately our current house has very weird door frames. Our new one however, will be much beter. For its originally intended purposes, it is great, and I just can't believe I never thought to use it in this wonderful way!

The instructions also suggest using it on the floor for push-ups or dips, hmm, time to work on the 'pervertible' version of that….

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On April 6, 2011 at 6:44 am
Jozz said

We use mechanical tootbrushes. Gotta be extra careful where you leave them though!

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- On April 6, 2011 at 6:54 am
  Shaina said
  
  I bet your chatch never has a cavity.
  
  Reply to this comment
- On April 6, 2011 at 9:03 am
  dootsiebug said
  
  Different heads.
  So key.
  
  JUST. IN. CASE.
  
  Reply to this comment
  - On April 6, 2011 at 7:18 pm
    Branham'smomma said
    
    OMG. I so thought I was the only person in the world…yay for pervertibles. and different heads are absolutely key.
    
    Reply to this comment
- On April 19, 2011 at 7:50 pm
  Brie B. said
  
  Haha, once, when I was backpacking through Europe, I was about to brush my teeth, and so I pulled out my electric toothbrush. My friend sees it and exclaims, "I thought you said you didn't bring your vibrator, you dirty girl!" I was honestly baffled.
  
  Reply to this comment
On April 6, 2011 at 11:17 am
karina renee said

you ladies are fucking hilarious! "pervertibles" ?!?!?!?! LLOOVVEE IITT!

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On April 6, 2011 at 12:21 pm
.twist. said

This article & its comments, have made me realize how boring I am in the bedroom… srsly.

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- On April 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm
  Cat Rocketship said
  
  THANK YOU.
  
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  - On April 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm
    .twist. said
    
    *phew*! Honestly, I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way!!!
    
    Reply to this comment
- On April 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm
  karina renee said
  
  step it up, let your caboose loose!
  
  Reply to this comment
- On April 11, 2011 at 9:50 pm
  Bailey said
  
  Hooray for consensual sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation!
  
  Reply to this comment
  - On March 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm
    Tofu said
    
    Disgusting! You pervert!
    
    Reply to this comment
On April 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Bird said

We have this enormous walk-in closet in our bedroom. This closet has its own ceiling light and switch and two heavy duty, bolted-in metal shelves with horizontal bars for hanging clothes.

One shelf is exactly the right height for being tied to while kneeling and also for sitting on. The other is exactly the right height for being tied to while standing or sitting on the first shelf.

Much joy has come from this closet. I am going to miss it very much.

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On April 7, 2011 at 11:40 am
Jen said

Awesome!! I have nothing to add; I just wanted to comment so I can have everyone's future comments emailed to me.

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- On April 10, 2011 at 9:32 pm
  Kaledrina672 said
  
  this. >.>
  
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  - On May 11, 2011 at 7:31 am
    Cali said
    
    YES!
    
    Reply to this comment
On April 9, 2011 at 9:18 am
kayfay said

I am so damn glad that someone posted this! EVERY TIME I see an ad for it on TV I turn to my S-O and our roommates (We're all on the BDSM curve someplace.. and various spots on the gay/straight curve as well.. huh, my ousehold is kinky….anyway) Every time an ad for one of these come on tv we all look at each other and say things that sum up to "They HAVE to know that these aren't geettting used for exercise… they HAVE to… LOOK at what he's doing now! How does that have anything to do with fitness? 'yes we call this the totallynot-having-butt-sex, honest' exercise. Do 300 reps. then clean up."

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On April 9, 2011 at 10:01 am
kayfay said

Also, shake weight, anyone?

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On April 12, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Jackie Tressler said

Thank you wonderful offbeat people I knew I loved this group for some reason This totally made my night!

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On April 15, 2011 at 8:22 pm
heather said

HAHA!!!! HOLY CRAP! Today our "Iron Gym" got this kind of workout and I was thinking . . . Damn, is anybody else doing this! IT IS AWESOME!!! LUVIT

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On April 21, 2011 at 6:43 am
Katie said

I just added one of these to the wedding registry. Thanks for the tip!!

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On April 25, 2011 at 11:58 am
Wendy said

The best is buying a dog collar at the pet store, having the cashier ask if you have a new puppy…then you can look her right in the eye and say, "No, it's for my girlfriend." (My hubby got to say this to a clerk when we first started dating!)

Most of the exercise equipment mentioned is also sold on "naughty" websites/stores…for more money. Buy the wedge pillow for "sleeping" and save money!

Finally…does ice cream and cool whip count as a pervertible?

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On May 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Rain said

I live in a yurt. Which also doubles as a very versatile pervertable. So many tie points…

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On March 11, 2012 at 7:10 pm
cicatricella said

haha my ex got almost all his 'equipment' from the hardware store. Real kinky ppl know how to MacGuyver it better than Richard Dean Anderson.

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On March 14, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Brandi said

I can't believe I haven't seen this post before – and I apologize for being late to the party, but no one has mentioned this and I can't believe it – EXERCISE BALL. Y'know, the big round bouncy ball that some people sit on for good posture or core strength or something? Anyway, we have one and we find it to be a good/fun prop. I mean, it takes a little more energy and coordination, but is a good way to mix up positions and angles. When we're not feeling lazy about it.

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On April 3, 2012 at 2:18 pm
sunny july said

hello all
am new to all this, (sort of) but as im single at the moment i am dying to try it out with the next lucky fella that graces my doorway ) any more tips for me? xx

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