Save your wine with bananas, cocks, butts, and balloons!

Fuck, guys. I love wine. I’m the self-confessed wino of the Empire. You know what I also love? Sharks, Star Wars, inappropriate jokes, and kitchen stuff shaped like animals. I have combined my love of all those things to bring you this round-up of awesome wine stoppers.

(Psst: these make REALLY good gifts, so get your bookmarking fingers ready.)

This R2-D2 bottle stopper just made my life. I feel like we were made to be drinking buddies forever.

This top hat topper is only for the classiest bottles of wine. Just kidding, stick this on ANY bottle of wine and it’s instant class.

This is now my favorite go-to for gifts: housewarming, bridal showers, birthdays — the shark fin bottle stopper never fails to please. Sharks aren’t your thing? No prob, it also comes in monkey or dog butt!

Did you know that bananas can help you keep your wine fresh? Well, plastic bananas can. Any classic comedy fans in the house? This wine stopper is for you.

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Inappropriate bottle stopper is inappropriate! And… kinda’ cute too. His name is Sir Perky, and we wants to come home with you.

I’m actually super interested in this guy. It uses an inflatable balloon to keep your wine fresh. Once inflated, it protects wine from oxidation for about three days, and the balloon will not negatively alter or affect the taste of wine.

I’m featuring this one solely because: ha ha this thing’s name!

I wish I had known about this bottle stopper that actually locks onto your bottle back when I had roommates!

And then there’s the corkcicle — perfect for stopping white wine, as it also keeps it chilled! It was one of Oprah’s favorite things.

Which one of these were your favorite things?

About the Author: Megan Finley Horowitz

@meggyfin @meggyfin

I'm a 40-year-old potty-mouthed writer with late-diagnosed ADHD and a shit-ton of anxiety. I live in my hometown of Los Angeles with a husband, a daughter I never planned on having, and a senior rescue dog. Anything else you need to know can be gleaned from my instagram and my TikTok.