This weirdly designed Indiana home will make you say "I can't even…" #Homes & Tours#Midwest#real estate#weird houses June 28 2016 | Megan Finley Horowitz meggyfin All photos courtesy of Curbed. Usually I feature offbeat real estate listings that I'm in love with. Today is… not that. Curbed recently featured an article with the brilliant title of "Absolutely Everything Is Wrong With This Indiana House." And they weren't wrong. I'll give you this quick quote from The Indy Star to catch y'all up… Starting from a three-bedroom ranch house where [Jerry A. Hostetler, the almost-famous pimp-turned-construction mini-magnate] lived since the '60s for a short time with a wife and infant daughter, Hostetler gradually bought up his neighbors' houses. He cobbled them together, dug a swimming pool, dug ponds, imported fountains, added ballrooms, added life-size statues of gorillas, added — of all things — a stone grotto (into which he installed a hot tub). By the time his creditors closed in on Kessler, a decade ago, Hostetler was up to 26,000 square feet. This is the home that WTF built… Related Post Vintage 1955 cottage in the Hollywood Hills I recently went to the open house for this adorable Robert Byrd-style cottage built in 1955 and kept in incredible original condition tucked away in... Read more This the front entrance that will haunt your nightmares. This kitchen makes me want to do the opposite of eat. No no. Those mantels are WAY TOO BIG for that tiny fireplace. Okay now, those are way too small. At first I was like, "oh, this supremely well-lit staircase probably complies with public safety specs." And then I was like, "but wait, where are the hand rails?" And then I noticed, "Oh, they're on the pointless indoor balcony." NBD. So many mirrored surfaces, such little dining space. I don't even want to attempt a bathroom visit in the middle of the night in this room. So… this is a sex party room right? I mean, right??? There's just so much to WTF-ery happening in the house, I laughed until I cried. And then I wanted to actually cry when I read the story behind it. (Seriously, you should read this article all the way until the end, because it has the darkest, most poetic ending of all time.) But let's get back to laughing. I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts on this house. Or, I'd love to see you show me examples of even more homes that WTF built! Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Megan Finley Horowitz When Megan's not writing, traveling, and sleeping, she's eating like the fate of the world depends on it. (You're welcome, world!) You can snoop into her personal life over on her website The Dash and Dine! @meggyfin @thedashanddine @meggyfin PREVIOUS Is there an overall toddler handbook? NEXT 3 easy breakfast recipes to serve a crowd Show/Hide comments [ 29 ] This is just to say you definitely need to read the article, and read it all the way through…beautiful. Reply RIGHT!? That article deserves some sort of journalistic award. So much better than it has any right to be. Reply I'm usually into super quirky houses but … this one not so much. I felt like my eyes were under constant assault. There were too many varying materials and textures and patterns. My husband and I saw a house over this past weekend that made no sense. This is it: http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/800-S-Abington-Rd_South-Abington-Township_PA_18411_M36847-22477 Outside had two driveways and one car garages, one right behind the house and another up the hill from it with a sloping yard in between. That narrow galley where the sink is was so narrow we had to shimmy in sideways. I have no idea why they felt the need to build that "dining platform" because it's just a broken ankle waiting to happen. The room with the built in shelves obviously used to be a porch as evidenced by the black cross beam in the master bedroom. The bathroom was probably the most normal/standard part of the whole house! What's funny is that I enjoyed the quirkiness of the house when I saw the listing, but seeing it in person … yikes! No thanks! Reply OMG, that house is TRAGIC. You would also break your ankle on that dining platform and then fall right into that enormous floor grate. Da fuk… Reply Right!? This is the type of stuff you come across when your budget is peanuts. I wish there was a photo of the double driveways / garages so you could appreciate that weirdness. Why they didn't just level out more of that useless slope yard and build a double garage I will never figure out. Reply Clearly this house was just made for lots of parties and coke, is all I can figure. Reply This is so.. garish. That is the word that kept popping up as I looked at these pictures. That and 'hideous'. The house that WTF built seems pretty accurate. Reply Okay. I'm gonna out myself, I liked it. I'd totally live there. The stone bedroom is awesome. I'd feel like I was living in a medieval castle. The black and mirror dining room is so high contrast modern, plus I'd totally check myself out while eating. (Lol) And I love love love that entrance, so dramatic! I am okay with being the only one. 😉 Reply You're not alone, I kinda like it too! Reply I have to say the stone bedroom is awesome. But why so many beds??? If decorated right, that would be the coolest room EVAR. Reply You go girl. I would rather lick my cat's anus than spend any time in that house but I'm happy somebody loves it. Reply I love it too! I mean, there would definitely need to be a few changes made, but it has definite potential. My main problem was how low all the ceilings looked. Reply The staircases are a metaphor for the whole house. So very very wrong. Reply This house is like something I would have designed as my 12-year-old self who was dying to be an "architect". (AKA I really liked drawing house floor plans for some unknown reason. It was literally my greatest hobby.) Unnecessary balconies, crazy staircases, multiple levels…this has to be the product of a child's imagination! Reply Me too!! At one point I got my hands on one of those static clingform redecorating/remodeling floor plan layout boards and omg HEAVEN. I could reposition walls and furniture without having to erase. I kind of forgot how happy that thing made me when I was a kid. Reply Uh… I actually really like it lol. Sorry! 😛 Reply YES!!! Oh Offbeat Home…you have just made my Indiana Dolphin House dreams come true! Let me explain: I lived in Indiana for over ten years near the now infamous dolphin house. Every time I drove past I was filled with the intense desire to see what that puppy looked like on the inside! I mean…there are multiple dolphin statues outside the house…and people were saying the inside of the home was even more interesting?! Anyhow, fast forward, I moved to Colorado, only to discover that a few months after I left the state, there was an estate sale at the dolphin house. I had missed my opportunity to gawk and drool over the intriguing building that is the dolphin house 🙁 That is until this morning, when I visited Offbeat Home and proceeded to explode with real estate joy. Thanks for the assist 🙂 ! Reply You should absolutely check out the decor on this property listed for sale in Australia (particularly if you like cats!) : http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-sa-kurralta+park-122984618 Reply This is amazing, if a little OCD (every cat picture in triplicate?? In a row??) Reply OMG. You just found my next home feature post. Reply Locals are planning to go to the inspection just to marvel! Reply I'm an Indianapolis native with terrible lottery fantasies involving this house. Like, anytime the local news has anything on it, friends are posting about it on my wall. It makes me happy to see it here. Reply I work in planning and building, and I'm gonna go out on a limb right here and say that dude never pulled a single building permit for that monstrosity, or got a single inspection. Bringing it into compliance is going to be one long nightmare for someone, or they better pay cash, because no bank in their right mind would write a loan for it 🙁 Reply I dunno… it kind of reminds me of the Winchester Mystery House. Which has all sorts of nonsense, but is also really neat! Reply My favourite thing is that weird little dust-attracting niche between the set of steps in the front entrance…what is that even FOR? Reply I like it! It has personality 🙂 Reply That's just amazing…. It's royal! Reply It…it looks like Miami Vice and Scarface had a child…… Reply Started with "oh thats kind of nice, a little…overdone…but ok" to O___o wut? Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Subscribe me to your mailing list No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.