Polyamory isn’t something that I thought I’d ever be interested in. I feel totally satisfied by our relationship in every way, so why would I ever want something different? I thought polyamory was totally fine for a lot of people — it just wasn’t for me.
My husband and I were together for three years before I met someone who changed that feeling. My lover and I started off as friends, but our feelings quickly and inescapably evolved into something more romantic. The chemistry between us is palpable — you can feel it in the air like some kind of electric current, or maybe magic. Some wild force — fate, destiny, luck — brought us together, and I was falling in love.
I struggled in the beginning with what to do. I couldn’t ignore my feelings for this new man, and cheating on my husband was out of the question. I knew I had to talk with my husband about these new feelings I was developing, so I could figure out what to do with them.
A thousand worries squiggled around uncomfortably in my mind for the next few days as I planned out just how to bring it all up.
What do I want out of this talk? Should I bring up polyamory? Will he be upset with me for even mentioning it? Will he be jealous? Will he feel inadequate? Unloved? Betrayed, even? Worrying about it was making me sick.
In the end, I decided being as straightforward and open as possible was the best route. After a dinner date one evening, I laid it all out: I met someone, we started as friends and our feelings evolved, I’m interested in exploring polyamory, I love you, I love you, I love you.
My little speech was full of reassurance and love. I told him I never want to leave him, and that this development didn’t in any way detract from the way I felt about him. He was a little taken aback at first, but he appreciated my honesty. He thought about it overnight and then, the next day, we came to a painstakingly detailed agreement after a careful and thoughtful conversation that ultimately allows me to explore a connection with this new person.
Before getting into a polyamorous relationship, I hadn’t realized that my love is infinite.
Having these two men (my husband/primary partner and my lover) in my life has been the most fulfilling experience I think I’ve ever had. They’re complete opposites and stimulate different parts of my mind and personality. I feel supported and adored by both of them, and I love them both separately and endlessly.
The fact that I can be in love with two men without one love diminishing the other is incredible to me. Before getting into a polyamorous relationship, I hadn’t realized that my love is infinite. I thought that my heart only held so much love, and that once I’d given it all out, that was that. It turns out that I’m capable of entertaining completely independent, fulfilling, romantic relationships with more than one person, and I think that’s kind of amazing. This isn’t any sort of commentary on monogamy, mind you — it can be entirely enriching and beautiful for many people.
Falling in love isn’t a choice you make; it’s a magical, uncontrollable phenomenon. I’m proud of myself for having the guts to talk to my husband about my feelings, and all of this has brought us even closer together. Knowing that I can be open and honest with him about anything is such a comforting feeling, and it’s strengthened our relationship. There’s work involved in all relationships, and I think polyamorous ones might require even more communication, thoughtfulness, and consideration than monogamous ones, but I’m so incandescently happy.
The moral of the story is this: follow your heart courageously. Be open and honest and bold in love. Sometimes, the most unexpected encounters can lead you down a beautiful new path that reveals a whole new magic in you.