Down the rabbit hole of über-Christian marriage advice: Do I really have to be spiritual to have a strong connection to my partner?
My partner and I are atheists, so I feel a little confused when some of the über-Christian marriage advice resonates with me. I’ve been reading it because I enjoy reading things that make me think about our relationship and how to keep it strong. But all of it is supposed to be “Christ-centered.” Do I really have to be a Christian or otherwise spiritual to have a strong connection to my partner? Do I have to pray to a deity in order to be a good wife and build up my husband? Should I convert in order to save my marriage!? (Okay, I’m exaggerating.)
Cooking Challenge Day 3 results: Dinner, dancing, and drinking games
Ooh, Homies, are you in for a treat. Ever hear me talk about “that guy I married”? Ever wondered what he was like? On day three of the challenge, my shy dude came out of hiding and is featured pretty prominently. Also featured on this dinner video: The drinking game I invented based on how much I whine. I call it “wine for whine.” So pour yourself a glass and feel free to play along as you watch…
On divorce and the “you just didn’t try hard enough” myth
I didn’t know what to expect from friends and family, and strangers when I announced my divorce. I had kept many of my relationship “issues” away from family — not wanting to harm our image as a couple should we work things out — so it came as a surprise to some of them. Though, for the most part, family and friends (especially) have been supportive, there is a certain rhetoric around divorce that really started to bother me.
Why we decided to move out-of-state without employment
“Everyone hates their jobs! No one has money! Get over it!” Why? We started asking in return. And the resounding answer was “that’s what it took to make it in our area,” — an area which we didn’t care for anyway. The timing was right. Our lease was ending, and so we had to commit: another six to twelve months stuck in place, or a scary leap which could wind us up skulking home to our parents, richer only in life experience.
Everything I know about marriage I learned from Terry Miller (Dan Savage’s husband)
Back in 2006 when I was working a full-time corporate job, while also trying to write what would become Offbeat Bride the book, I almost had a nervous breakdown. Desperate for some guidance and inspiration, I sent an email to my local hero, Dan Savage. His advice was basically that he owed it all to his partner. His then-partner? Terry Miller, who is now (thanks to Washington’s marriage laws) Dan’s husband. In the 10 years since I had this exchange, I’ve basically built my het marriage to emulate their gay marriage, and I’m convinced it’s been the secret to everything being happy.
Melinda and Paul talk marital teamwork, solo time, and commuting craziness in the Lone Star State
Since we got married we’ve both graduated — we’re Doctors now! We’ve almost moved a ton. Paul moved from Chicago to a town north of Houston and I followed shortly after I finished defending my thesis. Right now our lives are dominated by commuting. Paul commutes to his job at Texas A&M, and I commute to my job at the medical examiner’s office in central Houston. We drive… and drive… and drive.
Why part-Vulcans make bad partners
I recently came home from a couple’s therapy session that left me sweating through every layer of clothing that I had on. It dealt with the two things that I struggle with the most: emotions and the expressing of them. See, there’s a reason why that guy I married calls me “Foxy Spocksy.” We both believe that I’m part Vulcan.
My husband and I are friends with my ex
I am never quite sure how to introduce Steve to others. So to make everyone else more comfortable I usually say “This is my friend, Steve.” It’s just easier that way. As the relationship moves forward — be it a coworker, new friend, neighbor, etc — eventually they learn who Steve really is. Steve is my ex-husband. And after five years of this we STILL hear how “weird” it all is.