Real talk lessons from the first year of marriage #Relationships#marriage February 16 2018 | Guest post by Heather Photo by Allebach Photography Related Post Second marriage is not a dirty word: finding new love and marriage after divorce Divorce is an ugly and catastrophic personal experience. You have to find a way to let go of the past and move forward, learning from... Read more Six months in, amidst the busy chaos of our lives I find myself thinking back to this summer when we were road tripping through a foreign country with nothing but sight-seeing on the agenda. I long to have completely full days of her and I. But, like all good things, the honeymoon had to come to an end. I have always read the first year of marriage is the hardest. Together, you work on finding a rhythm and finding your place in their world. The first year is a balancing act and I have learned a few things so far that I thought I would share… Communication is essential There have been numerous times after the fact when I thought she was thinking one thing and she thought I was thinking another, only to find out we were both completely wrong. I learned it takes work to have an open line of communication and isn't always easy. Expectations are different Marriage therapist Jill Whitney says, "getting married is like going on a picnic where you each bring a basket that was packed by someone else; if one person has eggs, you can only hope the other one has salt." We each have had our own experiences and have our own traditions and unique ways of doing things. She may put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way or fold towels in a bizarre way, but those are things I love and that we blend to create our life together. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever Related Post Here's why being a wife with a wife is awesome I have a wife. This is one sentence I honestly thought I would never say. I will admit, saying it makes me giggle in a... Read more Knowing it's unrealistic for the two of us to live in our own little bubble day in and day out has been a tough lesson for me so far. I loved the first days of not keeping our hands to ourselves and spending an entire day cuddled up in bed. But, life does have to be lived and responsibilities cannot be ignored. But, I will continue to create snippets of those days as often as I can. Connecting every day is essential Taking time every day to make some sort of physical and emotional connection to your partner is important. Even when the honeymoon is inevitably over, I try to make an effort every single day to kiss, hold hands, hug, or just touch her to maintain that connection that got us to where we are now. Everyone loves differently I'm sure everyone has at some point seen the Love Languages book, I wholeheartedly believe that each person has their own language that communicates love to them. Identifying your spouses language and never forgetting to communicate to them in that way is a part of the work required in a happy marriage. Everything takes time Even if you have lived together before, it takes time to learn someone and all of their quirks. With marriage comes comfort and permanence. Even if you have lived together, there will be new behaviors that appear you didn't notice before. Enjoy them and roll with them. Marriage is commitment No matter what we have been through and will go through, I know I have someone I can turn to. I know the crappiest day will always end with telling her all about it and feeling her arms around me to make it better. I am hers and she is mine. It's the best lesson learned so far. Families are now blended Related Post Growing up Southern as a lesbian late bloomer When you're raised in a way that shields you from anything that's different, it really alters your ability to think outside of the small little... Read more Once we got married, we both inherited a bunch more family. She inherited my sons as her step-sons, my parents as in-laws, and a whole bunch of conservative Southern folk with whom I'm not sure she knows what to do. I inherited a stubborn-ass father-in-law whom I adore, a sweet mother-in-law who can cook like nobody's business, and a ton more family who treats me like I have been in Jackie's life for decades. I'm extremely lucky in the family blending department. Her, well, I wish her the best… As time rolls on and our lives unfold, I have no doubt I will learn many many more lessons, and maybe some I will be willing to share. No matter how many years go by, I have no doubt I will be completely in awe of this amazing human who chose to live life with me. I know we will have ups and downs and maybe even some rocky times, but loving her has been one of the best things I have ever done. To be married to her is an privilege, and I absolutely know that. On unexpectedly finding love after feeling like I don't deserve it I gave bits and pieces of myself to people that never really earned it. I was hurt repeatedly, but was okay with that, because I thought "I deserved it." I… Read More Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Guest post written by Heather Heather is a runner of crazy long races, a mom of two awesome little boys, a wife to an amazing woman and a late bloomer in life. She writes in her spare time to share her story with those who need it. http://marathonmom304.blogspot.com PREVIOUS SEATTLE EVENT: How To Fall In Love With Anyone on February 17, 2018 NEXT This modeling agency is hiring models over 60 and they are #GOALS Show/Hide comments [ 0 ] Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Subscribe me to your mailing list No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.