Category Archive

grown ups

How do I explain my sister’s polyamorous relationship to my kid?

My sister (who lives just a few miles away and is very involved in my life and the life of our large extended family) is part of an open polyamorous quad. All four individuals live together in the same house and one of the women (not my sister) is expecting a baby in the fall. Once baby arrives, I know that it will (and should) become apparent to my two oldest children that these people are more than roommates.

I want to donate my eggs but my partner’s wary: how can I help overcome his doubts?

Now that I’ve had my absolutely perfect son — he’s beautiful, healthy, and right on track developmentally — I think I would be ready to donate. But… my partner doesn’t really feel the same way. I’ve mentioned it to him and he didn’t like the idea, but I’d like one more shot to convince him.

Parenting sweet spots: spontaneous “I love yous” and eating raw broccoli

Right now we’re in the midst of what I like to call a “parenting sweet spot” — those weeks or months in which there aren’t any major behavioral problems going on, most-to-all of the balanced meals are being eaten, and my child’s general disposition is one of a curious, sweet, and incredibly polite little boy. To me, these sweet spots are evidence that the hard work you put in weeks or sometimes years prior has paid off: your kid has actually learned something from you, and that something is good.

Learning to run the relay that is special needs parenting

I think having a child with a disability is similar to learning how to run. We line up and listen to a whole lot of people tell us what we should do. Sometimes we hear them. Often we don’t. They are usually talking from their own experience anyway and only slivers of what they say will have real applicable value to ourselves. Then we run: we try and try and try and try.

How do you decide which beliefs to pass on to your child?

While discussing all things family related with my fiancee, we were debating whether or not we should raise the kids vegan (I’m vegan, she’s not) or according to my religious beliefs (she’s agnostic and doesn’t follow anything specifically). For us, as a queer couple, this opens some interesting dialogue because if we end up adopting and those kids are older, we don’t necessarily feel right imposing beliefs on someone who is of an age where they can make their own decisions.

I’m still performing burlesque at almost eight-months pregnant

We had a wildly successful show this past weekend, the club was packed and the crowd was very enthusiastic and responsive, which was fantastic. I’d spent the last month wavering between being very excited about my two solos, and being very scared about how exposed I was going to be up there. Normally when I perform, I leave a waist cincher on because body issues.

How will my kid’s childhood be different from my own?

I grew up in Alabama so I’m well-versed in the wonders of the humidity in the region, and though my son spent three years living in the South before we moved back to Oregon he didn’t remember this particular sensation. I was struck by the funniest feeling, and realized I’ve never considered what it will be like to raise my child in an entirely different environment — and largely different circumstances — than I was raised.

Labels vs. Constellations: sexuality for the next generation

A chosen or assigned label like “male,” “female,” “straight,” or “gay” will still never do justice to the wholeness of any human being, so why boil people down to those categories? It’s not about political correctness; it’s about a bigger-picture awareness of the fact that humans are fascinating multi-faceted beings.