In early 2008, I realized I was pregnant. Now to an outside observer it would seem a rather obvious outcome. I had just engaged in my first act of sexual intercourse, we didn’t use protection and I had no idea where I was on my cycle. I was 23 and had just started my second semester of college.
We had waited until our son Ben turned four to talk about adoption. We wanted him to be old enough to begin to “get it”, knowing we’d build on it more and more as he was able to understand everything it meant. And like the “Where do babies come from?” conversation with our oldest son, the “What does adoption mean?” conversation was brief and age-appropriate, with most of the grownup details left out.
When my husband and I were dating we talked about all kinds of things during the long drive from Seattle to my parent’s house in Oregon. We talked about our lives together, our pasts, and our goals and hopes for the future. As things got more serious we starting talking about kids; how many we wanted, names we liked, that sort of thing. One thing we quickly realized was that we both had the desire to adopt.
Once upon a time, the economy crashed. My husband was laid off, and I started working more than an hour away for very little money. My husband stayed home all day looking for work and taking care of our infant twins. We were stretched to the max, and then two wonderful women named Elisa and Andrea came into our lives.
Having a baby always felt like a given — I’d get married, have a baby and live happily ever after. That’s the way it works, right? Six pregnancies and seven miscarriages later (one set of twins) we find ourselves facing the very real possibility that I simply can not carry a child to term. Three months seems to be average, though one pregnancy was lost at five months.
I have been pregnant. I have had a child. He has reached his first birthday, and passed it by a few months. I feel that now is the time to start thinking about if, when, and how I might add a sibling for him. re there any Offbeat Mamas (or Sponsors!) who know how to find a family planning counseling or advice service for people who are looking to have children in a less conventional way?
Progress took time — and the work of staying bonded with a wounded child is a life-time endeavor. That’s okay though because Julia has stepped out of the danger zone. She’s taken off her helmet and armor. She has let me become her mother.
My husband and I are parents to a wonderful baby girl, and we absolutely love parenthood. We’re thinking about having a second child, but we’re interested in going a different route. My husband is on board with trying to have a biological child or adopting, so right now I’m just hoping to get a little insight into the lives of families who have done something similar.