Can a white picket fence co-exist with an exciting life? Photo by It, used under Creative Commons license.As I close in on the end of college and start making plans for an adulthood that includes my boyfriend, I find myself with a case of cold feet. We’re talking about buying a house together, and I’m surprised that 23-year-old-me looks like she’s going straight from college into settling down. It’s a much straighter path than I expected to take!
Am I crazy for not cramming in as much sex, drugs, and travel before I start owing money to the bank and dropping sprogs? Can I still have an exciting, quirky life with all that grown up stuff to deal with?
Thank you in advance, I am really struggling with this.
I look forward to hearing your ever inspiring, educated and friendly responses.
Peace out! – Sinéad
Hi Sinéad! Okay, I think I got this.
No, you are not crazy. Yes, you can still have an exciting life. Marching to the beat of your own drum doesn’t equate to running wild down the streets and throwing all caution to the wind. Being a grown up is about committing to things you want to accomplish, and carrying out the responsibilities required to work toward your goals.
I'm a grad student, and I currently live in a flat with another grad student, who's been living here over a year. The problem is,... Read more
Sometimes goals come into conflict with each other, and you have to weigh how to handle that friction. For instance, it may take some work to be an adventurous, world-traveling offbeat mama, or to pull off living in a home that floats or uses no paper goods — and I mean NO PAPER GOODS. It will usually take a little noodling to figure out how to make your life work in conjunction with your goals, but that’s kind of exactly what an offbeatling is: someone who places non-traditional values among her highest priorities.
Not every life plan will be compatible, but many goals just take some special accommodations to work together. You might literally want to live in a hole in the ground, AND to be the next CEO of your company; these things aren’t mutually exclusive, but you’re definitely going to be feeling out your own way in the world. It will probably take more work for you than it does for most people to fit your values and goals together.
So, what are your goals? You’re approaching a big life change, so this is a good time to review them if you haven’t already. What do you want to have done in six months? How about in five years? If your current ambitions go as well as you possibly hope they can (and hope high!), where will you be then?
You might find reason in these goals to plant yourself. For example, I am still kind of surprised we own a home. My partner and I decided to to buy a house fairly suddenly, after realizing we needed a permanent homebase where we could work on projects.
SHORT VERSION: You can totally do this. Your offbeat life can absolutely shadow the path of a “traditional” one. Just keep your goals and priorities in mind, for your own sake!
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Comments on Growing up: Can I settle down and be offbeat at the same time?
Oh, and I traveled with my bf, who is now my husband, and it was an amazing bonding experience. But you can also leave the boy at home! My friend traveled around the world for 6 months, leaving her bf behind. He ended up joining her in India for the rest of the trip because her adventures just sounded too good to miss out on. Now they are married homeowners with 2 dogs and jobs. That trip is a cornerstone for them. I have a couple other friends who also did long distance while traveling. Sometimes you guys will have different needs–it’s ok to not be on exactly the same life timeline! If you trust and love each other, you can each do what you need to do and then re-unite. <3
Hi! So, long story short, we didn’t get a mortgage. BUT we have been renting a very normal 3 bed house in a very normal boring place for over a year and I have to say it’s been one of the best years of my life.
Finally settling down somewhere permanently has made me discover all these interests that I never knew I had. I’ve started playing music again, singing, dancing, drawing. Playing computer games, writing poetry. All things that I never had time to do before because I was studying or procrastinating or trying to do “interesting” things but actually just spent all my time stalking exes on Facebook or watching cat videos on Youtube..
I have to say, I feel that that ways in which I have grown in this past year of being a “boring grown up” have contributed more to my personality than all of university and school combined. I have spent time focussing on friendships and becoming a part of a community! I have finally organised some volunteering hours!
In conclusion, settling down into what I assumed was following an ordinary path turned out to be the most offbeat, quirky, fun thing I could have done and I feel not only like I’m in a better relationship as a result, but I feel like the person I have always wanted to be.
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I love you but leave: evicting a good roommate
Oh, and I traveled with my bf, who is now my husband, and it was an amazing bonding experience. But you can also leave the boy at home! My friend traveled around the world for 6 months, leaving her bf behind. He ended up joining her in India for the rest of the trip because her adventures just sounded too good to miss out on. Now they are married homeowners with 2 dogs and jobs. That trip is a cornerstone for them. I have a couple other friends who also did long distance while traveling. Sometimes you guys will have different needs–it’s ok to not be on exactly the same life timeline! If you trust and love each other, you can each do what you need to do and then re-unite. <3
I just realized how old this post is! What did you decide to do??? 🙂
Hi! So, long story short, we didn’t get a mortgage. BUT we have been renting a very normal 3 bed house in a very normal boring place for over a year and I have to say it’s been one of the best years of my life.
Finally settling down somewhere permanently has made me discover all these interests that I never knew I had. I’ve started playing music again, singing, dancing, drawing. Playing computer games, writing poetry. All things that I never had time to do before because I was studying or procrastinating or trying to do “interesting” things but actually just spent all my time stalking exes on Facebook or watching cat videos on Youtube..
I have to say, I feel that that ways in which I have grown in this past year of being a “boring grown up” have contributed more to my personality than all of university and school combined. I have spent time focussing on friendships and becoming a part of a community! I have finally organised some volunteering hours!
In conclusion, settling down into what I assumed was following an ordinary path turned out to be the most offbeat, quirky, fun thing I could have done and I feel not only like I’m in a better relationship as a result, but I feel like the person I have always wanted to be.
🙂 yay for happy endings. Sorry that was so long…