Posted bySara sent us a question about baby showers for additional pregnancies… how do you plan them?
I am not a Mom, but I have a lot of friends entering that stage of their lives. One topic that I have come across recently in conversation and on the web is whether it is appropriate to have a shower for a second (or third, or seventh) child.
I had always thought it was the norm to have a shower for every baby — I am all for reusing and hand-me-downs, but doesn’t a new life deserve some new things? Maybe not the “baby-basics,” but what about a picture book with a personal message? A hand-made blanket?
Given that some people don’t like the idea of a baby shower for second or third children, how can you plan one that addresses the concerns, while maximizing the awesome?
I always just thought it was left to the discretion of your friends and family and whether or not they wanted to throw you a shower for a second or third baby.
I do agree that new babies deserve new things, I had my first baby almost 4 years ago and it didn’t seem practical to hold on to EVERYTHING for another baby that I wasn’t sure whether or not I’d have and when. I sold everything at consignment sales and garage sales and now that I’m pregnant with my second, it’s exciting to buy new things (with a lot more knowledge this time around–you don’t need half the crap you think you do when you have your first one!).
Anyway, I’ve made new friends in the last couple of years who have asked if they can throw me a shower because they weren’t there for my first one and I said that was totally up to them. I met one of my good friends after she’d already had two children and when she was pregnant with her third, I was really excited to throw her a baby shower and I think she appreciated diapers and new clothes and blankets for the new baby, even though she was the third girl and there were plenty of hand-me-downs.
Really, who doesn’t love buying baby gifts? Women love to get their baby fix and I especially love getting my GIRL baby fix since I’ve only ever had a boy to buy for. I liked picking out tiny little dresses for friends’ bundles of joy. And I don’t think there’s anyone out there who will bust you for celebrating a third (or seventh) baby ; )
Before I read mommy sites I had NEVER heard of anyone having showers for any baby buy the first. People just don’t do that here. While it’d be nice for the mom, especially if the second is a different gender, it just seems like a way to suck people into buying gifts for them. If someone really wants to buy the mom or baby a gift, they don’t need a shower to do it. I got plenty of gifts from people when I had my second because they wanted to.
I think a meet the baby party is a good idea, if someone else wants to do the legwork. The parents have enough to worry about with a newborn to have to worry about trying to put together a party.
For my second baby shower, I encouraged people to bring baby stuff that they weren’t using anymore. Either on lend or for me to use and then pay forward. It turned out to be a much more enjoyable baby shower than my first one!
While I don’t think repeat showers are supported by etiquette experts, I see nothing wrong with celebrating a new baby. I just think you want to avoid anything that looks like a gift-grab. You know your circle best. That might mean not using the word “shower,” keeping it small, or explicitly requesting no gifts.
We threw a “sprinkle” for a foreign friend in our moms group. She has no family here and we didn’t know her when she was pregnant with her first, so it didn’t seem awkward to have a party for baby #2. We chipped in a few dollars each for one small group gift – a customized board book using pictures of the older sibling.
If I were to host a party for parents expecting another baby, I’d have a “stock the freezer” party and ask guests to bring a frozen meal. After having my first, I realized how little a baby actually needs on those first few weeks, and what I appreciated the most in those round-the-clock days that left me with no energy or time to cook was food!
There’s a mom from my moms group that is having her third baby and is throwing herself a baby shower, and the rest of us are thinking it’s kind of tacky. Why? Because when she had baby #2 (who was a boy while #1 was a girl), she didn’t do anything. Now she’s having girl #2 and having a baby shower. We’re all just like, “What the…?” This is also after she claimed to us she was losing the baby two weeks ago when in reality she was slightly anemic and has to take iron pills. It feels like she’s trying to suck gifts out of us.
So in this case I think it’s tacky to have another baby shower, especially since she didn’t even acknowledge baby #2.
I agree with many that posted – it is good to just throw a party. My husband and I are expecting our first and we are doing a co-ed, very casual “bowling and baby shower” party. There is a cool bowling alley in the basement of a local restaurant that we are using. I wanted something more fun than frilly and so many of my friends are men, too, that co-ed seemed the best choice.
Every birth deserves a party. Congrat the Mommy, special wishes, & positive energy, lots of support & a cake is always a plus. But remember that just because we have some hand me downs left over, that depending on how far apart the children are, there may be the need for everything new all over again. My brother & I were almost 6 years apart. By the time my parents even though of having another all of my useful hand me downs, had already been handed down to other family members who had children right after I had out grew them. Just because there was a baby in the house, doesn’t me there is still everything you need for a new baby.
Considering there will be a 10+ age gap between my first child and my second, I definitely plan on having a second shower. I don’t have *any* baby stuff left. It’s all been donated at this point, so I’m pretty much starting fresh.
From the childfree perspective, nearly all the baby showers I’ve been invited to have seemed like gift grabs rather than celebrations. Many have even included gift registries (with gifts starting at $50).
To me a second baby shower should be like a second marriage – the expectation of a huge party and another huge round of gifts is unrealistic, but the registry asking for gifts to a charity, or hand-me-downs, or something else is a lot more tasteful. Another really good idea for the second shower was to bring a frozen meal – rather than gifts, we packed their freezer with home made food.
totally agree. as to the parents who don’t have hand me downs from their first kid, well…not to sound harsh, but it’s not your friends’ job to provide for your kid.
I didn’t have a shower for my 1st or my 3rd babies but for my 2nd I did and my 4th I will. My first we had just moved and didn’t have any friends in our new state. By my second I was kinda bitter about the lack of attention (especially from my family who promised one with my first but didn’t follow through) that my wonderful hubby made it all happen. I didn’t get big fancy gifts or really a lavish event – it was simply a day just to recognize a new life coming into the world and a chance to get all my girlfriends together for lunch. With my 3rd she was so fast on the heals of her brother I just didn’t have time to breath with a almost one year old a 4 yr old and pregnant again. We just didn’t get to it. And it was ok. Now with my youngest 3.5 we are rounding out our family with no 4. There is much talk from my friends about having a shower – although it might not be totally appropriate, I see again as an opportunity to have a little get together with friends. Get to eat some yummy food and spend the afternoon together. And with a fourth babe on the way, those chances get fewer and fewer. Sure I might get a few new out fits, cute cloth diapers, ect because seriously who cant resist heading out and picking out cute little baby things? But I am not registering and handmade special gifts are certainly more valued at this point than baby swings and strollers. And if you dont bring a gift? It doesn’t matter. Taking your time out to recognize our happiness is enough. After all no one was really happy to recognize our first b.c we were not at ‘that’ point in our lives yet (hubby still in grad school ect you get the picture) Than so be it. Having our friends support and be happy for us is gift enough. Why not share that by a little lunch and a get together? Its a great excuse for a party.
Try a book shower! I threw one for my aunt’s fourth baby, and we helped stock their bookshelves with all the classic children’s books, from “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” to the “Berenstein Bears” to “Alice in Wonderland” and “Le Petit Prince”
I grew up in a big family with what seemed like atleast one baby shower a year. But the way we do it is you have shower for your 1st and then you have a 2nd if you have a baby of a different gender or you are with someone new (new baby daddy or mommy). For all other babys
..we have diaper parties, but you can get them more if you’d like. Except for one friend, her next one whether or not it’s the same gender as her first, she said she’s having a second shower cause people didn’t buy her enough nice (read: expensive) things for her first. Now that to me is wrong. I’m all for parties to celebrate every kid, but not when you are just doing it for the presents.
We’re throwing a baby shower for my sister who is pregnant with her 2nd child which I think is fine as she didn’t have one for the first pregnancy.
I think its tacky to have baby showers for you 2nd following children, its like your just in it for the presents.
My circle usually only has showers a second time if the baby is a different sex from the first one or there is a big gap inbetween babies or a huge life circumstance. Otherwise it’s a diaper party, or some of my family just does it all at the baptism. That being said, I do have some friends and family who admit they have more than one shower to get more gifts. One friend even told me she’s having a second shower no matter what with the next kid because she didn’t get enough nice stuff from people at the first. Excuse me?!?! I don’t agree with these kind of second showers because just cause they decided to have a kid doesn’t make it my responsibility to fund the endeavour. I will usually visit any new baby with some kind of token, but I think it’s rude that I’m expected to spend x amount for it to be a good gift for each child’s shower. I’m not made of money. But when and if I have multiple children, I would like there to be a meet the baby party but with no expectation of gifts. I think it’s the expectation of gifts that make it hard to swallow for a lot of people.
Generally where I live you someone throws a baby shower when a person is having their first child. this is to get some baby swag and help with expenses for large items (Car seats, cribs, strollers, etc) and talk to the brand new mom to be and welcome her to motherhood.
For your second pregnancy it’s generally assumed that you’ve already kept those items you needed from your first baby, so a baby shower isn’t needed. Guaranteed people will visit you after the second (or any after that!) baby is born and bring them a gift. To me a baby shower for subsequent children comes off as a money grab.
Though, if there was a long period of time between children, a baby shower might be appropriate. If a person has a child over 10 years old and suddenly is pregnant again, they might not have kept the baby items!
I’ve had a few friends with numero dos or tres on the way be given a food shower. The invitees all make a freezable home-made (doesn’t have to be home-made I guess) dish like a casserole, lasagna, cabbage rolls, pasta sauce, etc for the family in order to make their increasingly busy life that much easier. It’s been appreciated by many I’ve seen.