My partner and I have been together for almost ten years, and we’re nearing 30. When I was a kid, I never wanted children — I saw them as incompatible with my identity as a feminist.
But when I met my partner, I knew I wanted to have kids with him. He felt the same way. We both just knew we didn’t want them yet.
Over the course of our relationship, he has started to come to terms with the emotional abuse he suffered as a child, and he has become increasingly reluctant to have a family where those destructive patterns are perpetuated. I, on the other hand, still want kids.
My feeling has always been that I love my partner and I want to be with him, and that that trumps any hypothetical kids I might have with some hypothetical other partner that I could hypothetically find if my partner and I weren’t together any more. But now I’m starting to worry that I’ll resent him if we never have kids. I certainly wouldn’t want to pressure him, though — having kids with a partner who didn’t want them would be worse than not having kids at all.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it work out? — Whimsy