It takes a village to raise a tween #It takes a village#Doctor Who#friendships#tweens Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted Feb 27 2013) Guest post by Amy Watkins Photo by Amy Watkins Copeland. My daughter Alice is almost ten, and overnight she's become a tween. She talks on the phone. She plays video games instead of My Little Ponies. Even the smell of her hair and the feel of her body when she curls up next to me for story time are different than they were. It's the difference between a kitten and a cat, a child and — not a woman yet, but something new: a girl. She's been asking about puberty lately, so I gave her a book, It's Perfectly Normal. I also gave her this little speech: "There's a lot of information in this book. If there's something you don't understand or something that seems weird or scary or if you need more information, you can ask me or ask your dad. None of this stuff is embarrassing to us, so don't worry about it. But if you don't want to ask us, you can ask your aunt or uncles or Stephanie or Abbie." As I listed the other adults in her life, I felt a huge sense of relief. In the overwhelming responsibility of helping Alice grow up, her dad and I aren't alone. We were the first of our friends to have a baby. Alice's birth was a pretty big change for us and for the artsy single party-people who were our chosen family. We chose "godparents" for Alice without any religious significance. Related Post Clean, bring meals, or GTFO: what should you ACTUALLY do when visiting new parents? Way back in 2011, we published this post about the dos and don'ts of visiting friends after they have a baby and recently realized how... Read more The idea was that she should have a couple of trustworthy adults in her life who would commit to loving her and mentoring her and taking an interest in her, not because they were obligated by blood, but by choice. Her godmother sends her books for her birthday. Her aunt and uncle take her out when she's had a hard week. Right now, the adult she most admires is my friend Stephanie with whom she shares a love of Doctor Who and obscure dog breeds and a certain fretfulness each of them is more comfortable expressing than I am. Stephanie talks to Alice like a friend, but she's good with boundaries. Most importantly, I know Alice trusts Stephanie and I can too. It's a gift — the greatest one you could give a parent, I think — to be kind to their children, to like them, and to take your role in their lives seriously. As my baby grows into this new, beautiful, moody, long-legged creature, I know she will have questions I can't answer, problems I can't solve, fears I can't comfort. I know our friends won't be able to solve all these problems either, but I'm enormously grateful that I'm not alone in this new stage of our lives, and neither is Alice. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Guest post written by Amy Watkins Amy Watkins is a writer, artist, and teacher in Orlando, Florida. http://www.redlionsq.com PREVIOUS Turn socks into snakes to keep the cold out NEXT Making an unfinished attic space feel livable Show/Hide comments [ 4 ] This is beautiful. I can't wait for my son to truly enjoy the people he has around him: his uncles, his "aunties" and all of our friends who (all childless) love him more than anything. Reply My mom gave me "It's Perfectly Normal" and told me to ask her if I had any questions – I appreciated the freedom to explore the book on my own without any tension or expectations about how I was supposed to react. Your daughter sounds smart and supported – it'll all be fine in the end! Reply I think it's a great book (recommended in a post on this site, by the way–thanks!). I feel reassured because she's been reading the book very openly and asking questions about it. I feel like, as long as we're talking about things, I don't have to worry. Reply Thank you for this…it's really nice to hear, because as a kid/pre-teen/teen/young adult my mom was often really upset when I would go to other adults in our close-knit community for help with things I didn't feel comfortable bringing to her. It's good to know that's not the only way for the relationship to go and that it's not necessarily wrong to have lots of mom-figures to go to. Reply Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.