“Mama, Mama! Let’s play Candyland!”
“Okay, honey! Just give me a moment. I have to use the restroom.”
Candyland is so much more fun baked when you’re an adult. In fact, marijuana makes a lot of things more bearable and even fun. Pot can make you patient and relaxed. I get it, and so does a sizable portion of society. It’s completely understandable to smoke weed even when you’re a parent. That being said, there are some rules I chose to follow as a pot-smoking parent.
The needs of my children come first
Don’t buy weed if your kids are going hungry. Don’t run off to smoke a doobie every chance you get then spend an hour or more hiding from your kids so they don’t figure out you’re stoned. It would probably be smart to have a “backup adult” in case you have a bad high. Get a babysitter, have your partner there sober, or wait until the kids are asleep or at school.
Also, this should be obvious, but don’t smoke weed with your kid. If your kid is under 18 definitely don’t share a doobie with them. Over 18, well, then you decide… I guess.
Know the local laws
Do you know how much weed can land you in jail? If the laws in your state are strict, you might want to try a legal alternative. If you allow your teenage/adult child to smoke weed in your home, be aware you could end up with legal trouble. The goal: staying out of jail.
How to stave off questions about drinking while pregnant
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Know when to abstain
Are you looking for employment? Are you currently going through a custody case or other legal battle? Then don’t be a dummy. Stop smoking pot. Do you have other responsibilities? Are you using marijuana to procrastinate? Are you smoking pot out of a crumpled soda can you found in a pile of trash and debris on your floor/table? Be real with yourself. Either get productive when you toke, or reward yourself with reefer when you complete your project, errands, and chores.
Don’t toke and drive
This is another that should be obvious, but isn’t always. Just don’t do this. In some areas you can actually get arrested for a DUI for simply having any amount of marijuana on you while driving, and DUIs are no joke.
I get my supply from a reliable source
Don’t find a dealer on Craigslist, and don’t allow toxic people into your life (and/or the lives of your children) just because they can provide the pot or because “Hey, they like to smoke pot, too!”
I don’t let “Pot Smoking Parent” become my identity
If you feel like you’re smoking too much you might want to consider backing off. If somebody suggests you’re smoking too much you may want to consider taking a break from the bong. If people start asking you “Are you high?” every time they see you, marijuana moderation may be called for.
I hide my shit!
Don’t leave baggies and pipes laying about. Head shops sell lots of nifty safes you can use to store your stash. Invest in one of them. You don’t want your kids to get into your ganja.
I realize my kids will eventually figure out what I’m doing
Do you preemptively talk to your kid about marijuana? Do you let your child silently come to the realization? Do you wait for the day you get called out by your kid after DARE presents a program at their school? Well, that I can’t decide for you.
Eventually, whether or not you discuss it, your kid is going to figure out you smoke(d) marijuana. How you plan to discuss it is entirely up to you.
I didn’t realize my dad was a pothead until my college boyfriend said he smelled pot coming from the girl’s room across the hall. I said to him, “That doesn’t smell like pot, it smells like my dad’s work room in my basement.” My then boyfriend just stared at me for a good minute before he started laughing. Then, he said to me, “Your dad is a pothead!!”
how did this make you feel to find this out?
This is over the line and I’m pro-legalization and pro-medical use and pro-recreational use. Yep, you guys lost me with this bit: “Candyland is so much more fun baked when you’re an adult. In fact, marijuana makes a lot of things more bearable and even fun.”
Smoking pot on your own time is one thing but smoking pot to make being with your kid bearable? It’s offensive to the kid, it’s offensive to people who can’t have (more) kids, it’s offensive to parents who keep their “coping” with having children to legal means. (I’m personally, fully aware of how challenging having kids can be sometimes. I wouldn’t consider getting a little tipsy so that I could handle the social functions I need to attend with my kids, nor would anyone suggest it. Why would you advocate suggesting that getting a little baked to “deal” with Candyland is acceptable?)
What really pushed me over the line of dropping my RSS feeds for you all is the shouting down of the commenters that expressed negative _experience_ with parents who thought they were responsible pot smokers. The moderators coming in and saying “We’re not advocating abuse, just use of an illegal substance to deal with having children!”
And to the above posters who claim that you can’t be abusive or addicted to pot, I call bullshit. My ex-spouse is addicted, abusive, and thinks he’s totally in control and that no one knows he’s stoned.
LM… You really spoke my mind here. Thank you for pulling this together so well!
Thanks for the feedback. As I said up-thread, I’m not surprised that this post is divisive, nor do I expect Offbeat Mama to be the perfect fit with everyone’s values. While I’m always sad to hear when folks decide to stop reading, I’m also completely in support of each person finding parenting websites that feel like a good fit with their values — even if that’s not us.
While I see your point, there are things that must be over the line; even for an inclusive place, at some point. I’m not going to equate this to something more horrendous – it’s certainly not the worst or most damaging things that people as parents can do – but being high to “deal” with your kids points to a larger problem. As I was pretty clear about in my original response, I think that responsible personal use is fine, medical use is great, and if the article had only been about that I wouldn’t be upset – it’s specifically using to “cope” with your children being children.
What’s sad, to me, is that while Offbeat Mama frequently hasn’t been a perfect fit for me (nor would I expect it to be, like many in-person parenting groups and events) it has been as close as I had. I will march on, I suppose, without support or community – I’m unwilling to support saying that intoxication in front of your kids, because of your kids is fine (which apparently makes me too stiff-collared for an offbeat crowd) and I’m too weird for “mainstream” parenting groups in many ways.
What’s always interesting to me as a publisher is to see where readers draw those lines. I expected to lose readers over the How I support my family as a sex worker post, but apparently a mom who gets mildly stoned and plays board games is over a line that being a mom who works as a prostitute is not. Obviously, I published both posts, so neither post is over my own editorial line, but I always find it interesting to observe the judgments that come up for readers.
If I stopped reading just because there was a post that didn’t apply to me, or I didn’t 100% agree with, then I would have missed out on posts that I enjoy. (Duh!) Also, I’m NOSY, and I like the diversity of the posts and comments. I want to know what other people are doing!
For ME, one is away from the children and one is with the child(ren). The first was also a way to keep the family unit in a good place, the second to make sure you’re not just bored when playing with your child.
Yes they’re both illegal, and everyone will argue the toss about which is worse, but there occur for different reasons, and I think most people are supportive of someone trying to keep their family together and afloat, and others aren’t so happy about altering your mental state whilst being in charge of a child.
I think it’s a shame that LM feels too ‘stiff collared’ for this site as it’s not neccessarily saying the article is right, but just hosting an opinion (and also that Arial, no offence, you’re very quick to say ‘that’s fine, i hope you find somewhere else’ *cries at rejection*.
Meh, I found both articles interesting!
Anna, I’m quick to respond to readers announcing their departure because I’ve dealt with it so many times. My response is the same, every time, on every site: I want people to know I hear them (thus my quick response — no one likes to be ignored), but am also clear that I stand behind the posts we publish. I’m not going to try to convince people they should like them, so if people tell me a post offended them to the point that they’re done reading, I want to make it clear that I understand, and I wish them well.
In other words, no hard feelings at all. I’m under no pretense that my websites will be perfect for everyone.
This is a perfect example of what I said up above… a post about a personal experience I can respect, even if that personal experience is of working as a prostitute. However, a post laying down rules for working as a hooker/mom, without any context, well, that would probably be disturbing and divisive.
Obviously not all the people posting negative feedback (and as far I have read, none of those flouncing) are the children of stoners, but I think that may be a factor.
As far as I recall, the only adult children of sex workers to speak up (I may even have been the only one?) had only positive comments.
That said, I can’t think of anything that would make me flounce from offbeat mama because anything that would piss me off that badly would be against the offbeat “rules” anyway.
That said, this was a triggering post for me. I’m trying to use the feelings that were brought up to help me process some of the (I guess unresolved) grief from my childhood, but there you have it. Life isn’t all roses and candy. I know the internet is a triggery place and I don’t expect it to cater to me.
(I do like trigger warnings. But honestly, the post title here was enough to trigger me and I probably should have known better than to read it. I guess I needed the personal growth.)
I think the reason readers were willing to accept the woman who did sex work to support her children was because she didn’t do it around her children, nor did the work interfere with the time she spent with the children. It sounded like she was doing everything possible to keep her work separate from her children.
Also, it sounded like sex work was pretty much that woman’s last resort to support her family. That is, she pretty much had to do it. The person in this post doesn’t have to smoke pot (or do any other substances for that matter).
I personally support drug legalization. However, what this post is advocating is irresponsible.
I think people were more okay with the Escort post than this post because of the circumstances (the woman was left with no real alternative to provide for her child) and the fact it was all kept behind closed doors, away from her child. I’m sure readers would be equally upset if she was bringing strange men into the home and having intercourse infront of her child.
This post is about using a substance to alter your mental capacity in front of your child. It isn’t about a parent who uses substances to help them cope with outside factors in their life, or just being a parent who smokes pot. It is about a parent who smokes pot infront of their child because of their child. Whether this is what was intended or not, it is how it came across to many of your readership.
That is my observation from reading the comments, at least.
Edit: I just realized after posting the above comment is really similar now that I’ve read it. Hivemind.
This! (to Ariel’s first comment) I obviously didn’t stop reading OBM after the sex worker post (I’m still here!) but I at the time I did decide to stop reading OBM because the comments on the sex worker post really shook me up. I did not share the same view of the author’s situation as most of the OBM commenters. (not that I wanted there to be negative comments, just the positive comments seemed a bit *too* positive a response for what I felt was a very controversial situation) So I took a few weeks break from reading the blog . I’ve come back to OBM, still really enjoy the community here. And for this current post, what I appreciated was that most of the ‘rules’ were actually framed as questions.
Additionally, if you have to get stoned to cope with aspects of everyday life (other than pain relief) then that’s not just recreational use, that is addiction. If someone was using alcohol in the same way no one would question it.
And the part about playing with your child being more fun when you’re baked made me very sad. You should be able to enjoy being with your kid even when you’re sober and tired and playing the same game for the 100th time because they are your kid.
And fwiw I am pro legalization, pro medical pot AND pro recreational pot.
“Additionally, if you have to get stoned to cope with aspects of everyday life (other than pain relief) then that’s not just recreational use, that is addiction. If someone was using alcohol in the same way no one would question it.”
I’m curious then what you would consider someone who takes a daily anxiety medication, or daily antidepressants. These medications are vital to some people to “cope with aspects of every day life”. What makes these powerful drugs acceptable, but not weed?
Note: I’m not asking this to be snarky, I’m genuinely curious. People’s distinctions between “street” drugs and “doctor” drugs interests me greatly.
Actually, I take a daily antidepressant (Zoloft). It’s not to help me cope with ‘everyday life’, it’s to treat an illness. Clinical depression is not equivalent to everyday boredom.
Anti-depressants and Anti-Anxiety medications are generally prescribed to regulate chemical imbalances. Weed, even used medicinally, is not used for those purposes.
“You should be able to enjoy being with your kid even when you’re sober and tired and playing the same game for the 100th time because they are your kid.” Really? I can appreciate the fact that I’m playing with my child, but that doesn’t mean that playing candyland for the 20th time in a row is going to be fun (or even tolerable, for someone like me, who may or may not have some mental retaliation against repetition like that). I feel like a mellowing agent (such as a single beer), without allowing it to affect your judgement and while another entirely sober person is in the house, can only improve the experience for both you and the child.
I REALLY don’t think getting frustrated or bored while with your kid is a sign that you’re a bad parent in any way!!!
(Disclaimer: I am not a parent, just an observer)
Isn’t developing patience part of parenthood though? Kids pick up on more than we think. A kid whose parents get high when they have to do boring kid stuff is not exactly going to benefit from that association.
I’m not opposed to parents using pot, just the use of it around the kids as part of normal activities/playtime. The mixing of playtime and narcotics (and I include alcohol here) is what makes me sad, not the fact that the parent might get stressed and chooses to self-medicate with narcotics.
“Candyland is so much more fun baked when you’re an adult. In fact, marijuana makes a lot of things more bearable and even fun.”
I think that’s my very favorite part of the post!
To me, the bravest thing about this post is not the fact that Lisa admits to any cannabis use but that she can freely admit that she does not enjoy every single moment with her children.
It’s liberating to hear that! Because Candyland? Is really fucking boring.
“I wouldn’t consider getting a little tipsy so that I could handle the social functions I need to attend with my kids, nor would anyone suggest it.”
I have seen many, many parents grabbing a beer or a glass of wine at such social functions, be it a birthday party or whathaveyou. Maybe this isn’t the case in your social circle, but it happens with out stigma in plenty of others.
This is a little off-topic, but as a kid my mom smoked cigarettes. Not weed. Just cigarettes. None of my friends’ parents smoked, and I remember being so embarrassed that I would hide her cigarettes whenever my friends came over.
She had rules, she didn’t smoke around us, or inside the house, but I was still embarrassed and disappointed in her.
Kids aren’t stupid. They know when you feel overwhelmed with them, and they can take it personally. I have many sorry memories of my mom and her much-needed ‘smoke breaks’.
Taking a hit from the bowl so that one can get through all the naptime chores without resentment and then make a choo choo crash 3,000 times without getting impatient when naptime is over doesn’t make anyone a bad parent. I find it curious that we live in a culture of over-medication for everything and still scorn someone such a small, sweet vice.
I also came from a family of addiction. I remember helping my father crush 3 huge garbage bags of Budweiser so that he could take the cans to the recycling center, presumably to buy more beer. I would much rather have memories of his child-like wonder increasing after a single hit from a bowl.
My rules: Only one hit, usually only when I feel resentment or impatience, and usually only at naptime. When its not naptime (this is rare), my kid never sees me smoking.
Frankly I do find that it helps calm my frenetic and sometimes angry mind a WHOLE lot and i think it’s a whole lot better and more manageable than a clinical ‘script. It’s certainly not for everyone, but as someone who works almost full time in a fabulous career, runs a lovely household, doesn’t drink very much, and home cooks every meal, I would hardly bring to mind someone Dazed and Confused.
Growing up in a household where both my parents were heavy drinkers and occasional drug users I do have to say that it really didn’t traumatize me in any way. In fact, when my parents finally came clean with me about their partying ways once I was out of the house I was more than a little surprised. My parents were wonderful and loving and we were always together at events and I never even realized they had their own little vices.
(As a side note to this I see that this article is posted under “It worked for me”. I find it funny that people are saying “It didn’t work for me growing up!” and that’s really rather sad, but no one is saying that it has to work for everyone. It worked for the author. It worked for my parents. It has worked for others. I think that the tag “It worked for me” is perfect, because that’s what it did.)
I think people are sharing their negative stories of growing up with drug-using parents exactly because this article is written by someone who is saying it works for them. Those commenters are making the point that their parents probably thought it worked for them too, but as the children in the situation it did NOT work. I agree that this was posted in the right category, but hearing others’ experiences from the perspective of the grown child of similar situations is really interesting–for me at least.
In the midst of all the serious comments, I want to throw in a funny story from a country where marijuana is pretty much legal.
Back in first year university at the first party at a new friend’s place…
Friend A: “Oh how cute – a Mexican tomato plant, I love those!”
Friend B: “There is no such thing as a Mexican tomato plant.”
Friend A: “Yeah, my parents had one. It doesn’t have any tomatoes because it’s not in Mexico.”
Friend B: “No, that is a pot plant.”
Friend A: “But my parents…”
Friend B: “No sweetie. No.”
Friend A: “This explains so much.”
Even if your kids are as gullible as my friend was, not coming clean with them could lead to at best an embarrassing situation, and at worst your kid not being as educated about drugs as you want them to be. Really, you probably want your kids to grow up with the ability to tell when someone is under the influence or not. You want them to be able to tell if someone has allergies or if they’re high before hopping in a car with them. You really want them to be able to tell when their friend is drunk versus drugged. You want them to know if a person in power (a parent’s friend) is capable of taking care of them. And of course, how to respond. These are pretty important life skills whether or not you yourself are a stoner or you are open to your kids using drugs in the future.
OMG. Funniest conversation EVER. Thank you for posting.
I am finding this comment thread extremely interesting–it really is a polarizing issue. I am not a parent, but I am an educator. A first year educator in special education. This year has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and I sought out pot to help with anxiety and stress. I would not dream–not in a million years–of being stoned around my students.
However, on my own time I do indulge. It has helped me tremendously. I do, however, really struggle with feeling guilty for “needing” a substance to help me quell some of these feelings after a long week in the classroom. It’s amazing how hard we are on ourselves and each other. I don’t pretend to have the answers, and I try not to be so hard on myself because honestly, pot REALLY helps me. Thank you for posting this!!
As a non pot smoker I WISH my mother had occasionally had a hit to calm down and relax. She was always stressed out and I have NO memories of her playing with us once preschool age hit. I would’ve loved to play candyland 10x in a row with a mother who had the patience to do so which pot may ( or may not in her case, I don’t know her personal reaction to the drug) but def could have aided.
And yes I know addicts and responsible users of alcohol, pot and prescription drugs and had positive experiences with parents and friends who are able to control their vice. I think every human has some vice and it must be used responsibly.
I also want to add that some people have a toke in the same way your Dad maybe had a bottle of beer on a Friday night to start the weekend. It’s not to make “life bearable” but because it’s a nice way to unwind and celebrate a good week (or let go of a bad one). You don’t have to be an alcoholic to enjoy beer and you don’t have to be a stoner to enjoy pot (I kind of wish the title of this article was a bit different and that the opening was a bit more about balancing your own wants/ways of relaxing with the needs of your kids, but I’m glad the article was put out there anyways.
I agree. If the article had a slightly different title, it would have been less inflammatory. It’s very true that for many of us an occasional drink, or toke make life more bearable, or just plain old more fun, or relaxing or what have you.
This is exactly that place between addiction and sobriety that Ariel was talking about exploring!
Thirded. I really think the introduction was the divisive thing in all this.
I’m not actually pro-pot use/legalisation/whatever. But I’m cool with articles like this and I think it’s great to encourage responsible parenting for those who make different decision than me 🙂
Agreed on the intro. I thought it was a great framing device, but I can see how it hasn’t been a great image for everyone. It would have been way less controversial to have started with “the kids are fast asleep, I’ve finally kicked off my shoes, and HBO is on the bedroom TV”. Less controversial, but also less funny and (for her) real.
A couple things that I think are really important to note about this post, that seem to get glossed over. First, the whole subtext of this post is about not just being a non-addict, but more importantly being a very re-evaluative, honest, careful substance user. Lots of people are talking about how some adults probably thought they were fine, but actually weren’t. A major part of this post is about being honest and open enough to take comments about one’s own use very very seriously, and also to be pro-active in stopping or modulating one’s use before it could become anywhere near a problem.
Also, I think most parents can distinguish between liking to be around your kid, liking to play and have fun with your kid, and finding it occasionally unbearable to do certain activities as part of playing with your kid. Finding candyland boring sometimes or getting frustrated after singing the same song thirty times doesn’t mean you don’t like playing dress-up or making up stories or doing crafts, and it most certainly doesn’t mean you don’t like your kid. Instead of being caught between going quietly insane when your kid insists you do something you find unbearably boring, trying to force your kid to play something else when they’re perfectly happy with what they’re doing, and saying, “ok, it’s time for mommy to go do something else now,” it seems to be a fine parenting decision occasionally to tap your consciousness just a little sideways, just enough that you can have fun too.
I grew up in a household where both my parents were regular drinkers. I can honestly say that my father displayed a level of control over his drinking that did not have any detrimental affect on our relationship whatsoever, with my mother it was the opposite.
I know the scars that are formed when you have a substance abusing parent, for that I know, using in front of my kids will not be for me. that being said, I know I am under control of my substance use and I know other people are as well. If someone wants to use intoxicants in their own home, who am I to judge how well they can handle themselves?
we all need to let people have room to be themselves and make judgement calls about their own family without so many blanket statements and assumptions based on our own experiences.
I had both sides of the coin in my life and I don’t think any parent would be absolutely wrong in smoking pot in their home, it’s all contingent on the children involved and the situation itself
Whether it is dangerous or not, responsible or not, I can say that if you were poor and black and lived in New York City you would be at serious risk of having your children placed in foster care. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/18/nyregion/parents-minor-marijuana-arrests-lead-to-child-neglect-cases.html?pagewanted=all
So I was this close to writing a long judgemental mom comment when I noticed I was sipping a PBR while playing w my 1 year old. Needless to say I feel like a wicked hypocrite. Claws retracted.
This may be my favorite comment in this thread. Kudos. 😉
I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said already- but I completely support the publication of this post and praise Offbeat Mama for it. You guys rock.
Whether I am a smoker or not does not negate the fact that other people out there ARE, and that they deserve a supportive community.
I think it should be pointed out that the burning of any substance, tobacco, pot, etc, will produce toxic substances which will persist in the environment afterwards.
So if you’re going to partake of pot in a house that you share with your children, you might want to consider the delivery system.
No candles or incense either, then!
Should I ban the bad cooks? A friend has set off the smoke detector more than once, and I’m always having to scrape the burnt parts off toast . . .
Um, tobacco residue is a lot worse than incense, in so many ways. (it also makes the walls NASTY, even after repainting again and again! but that’s a side note…)
I agree that, in cases where it applies, things like “second-hand smoke” need to be considered by substance-using parent. I think that’s all Ivriniel was saying. More things to be aware of and more ways to be responsible!
Ah! this post…
I can’t help but comment. First, I think it’s really great that OBM continues to represent a variety of voices- thanks!
I grew up with parents who drank beer with dinner. Not abusers but definitely regular/daily drinkers. They were beyond responsible, extremely active in our church community and very focused on family. I think the reaction that smoking in front of your kid is “disgusting” or entirely reprehensible is part of what keeps people educated on responsible use of any substance. Couldn’t the whole sneaking around bit (whether with drink or smoke) thicken the mess? I’d just feel like I was proving to my kid that my choices are contradictory.
In this case, I find it a matter of social stigma. We are much more comfortable with the idea that there are adults drinking beers or cocktails around kids at a barbecue or restaurant (despite the real effects of getting one’s buzz on). The legality is a real issue but I think the legal matter and the question of morality are different.
I understand people’s personal perspectives and so I’m not reading it so much as “pos” and “neg” and just appreciating the lively and engaged dialogue. Damn, OBM! You’ve done it again.
woops! I meant what keeps people FROM BEING educated about responsible use of substances.
🙂
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t even read OBM (only OBB), but I wandered over to this post from Twitter. And I just have to say that I totally respect this piece of writing and I’m glad to see that some people found it useful and informative. Anyone who stops reading this blog just because of this post is clearly no big loss; they are obviously not very tolerant and accepting of lifestyles different form their own, and if there’s anything Offbeat readers should have, it’s tolerance.
“Candyland is so much more fun baked when you’re an adult. In fact, marijuana makes a lot of things more bearable and even fun.”
I think that’s my very favorite part of the post!
To me, the bravest thing about this post is not the fact that Lisa admits to any cannabis use but that she can freely admit that she does not enjoy every single moment with her children.
It’s so liberating to hear that! Because Candyland? Is really fucking boring.
Yes! It seems like some of the objections come from that – “how dare you not enjoy every second of your precious bundle of joy”. There is nothing wrong with a 31-year-old brain getting bored after playing a 3-year-old’s game a million times.
I wasn’t able to get through all of the comments yet, but just wanted to thank both Offbeat Mama, and the author for this article. As controversial as it may be, and as much moderation as it must take to post something like this, these posts are the reason I adore this website. I think articles like this are the reason everyone can relate to something as an offbeat parent on here. I may not have always had the same life expiriences, or completely agree with every single article, but that is the fun of Offbeat Mama! To see parenting from a different point of view! To feel like maybe you’re not doing everything wrong such as Parents magazine and the like, often makes me feel. I feel less alone as an individual mother, and I applaud this website for that.
I think here it’s important to acknowledge that for many people who had stoner/grower parents growing up, articles like this can be strong emotional triggers. My aunt grew up that way, and while she’s as free-wheeling as they come, this is one topic that sends her right off the edge because of the memories it stirs up. Regardless of what the article is or is not advocating, be respectful of the fact that many people cannot share this sentiment because of their childhoods, and they are entitled to that. Doing so is being just as open and accepting as the article is advocating of responsible stoner parents.
Thank you for this recognition, panda.
Go figure that this is the first article that gets me to comment of OBM! Although this has probably settled down quite a bit, I figure I’d share my two cents.
As a child, I was completely oblivious to the fact that both of my parents smoked pot – not just once in a while, but every day after work. I had no idea that when they were “going out for a smoke” it was the ‘wacky tabaccy’. Anyway, I suppose my parents (my mom in particular) have had so much experience, you really couldn’t tell they were stoned. They played with me and my younger sister in the same way, and were probably more interested.
As a person who has smoked marijuana from the age of 16 (not that I’m that much older at this point) I can see why they enjoyed cuddles, movies, and just hanging out with their kids that much more. Once the bun in the oven is here, my husband and I have no plans to stop.
I think the article did a great job of getting a message out there that a lot of people don’t really want to hear – you can enjoy a vice responsibly, and around your kids. But there are rules – common sense. So kudos to OBM and the author for posting it.
On a side note, I hated being around adults when they were drunk. I always felt uneasy, but that may be because I actually saw them drinking.
Just my thoughts!
As I think about all the people I know and have known, using substances in all sorts of ways, with all sorts of results, I am left wondering how a person could know for sure whether their usage would be harming their kids or not. Even your best friend might tell you you have a problem when you don’t, or tell you that you don’t when you do. Or a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, or whatever professional. There’s just no concrete universal guidelines.
Personally, I tend to err on the side of sobriety, because for me, not being sober means I am wanting things to be other than what they are. That to me is an opportunity for growth, and when I take an escape hatch of any sort, I miss the opportunity. Yeah, sometimes I get tired of growing and take a semi-responsible escape. I couldn’t see it as an ongoing lifestyle choice.
I think it’s much harder to fully be “to each their own” when it comes to parenting, because the thought of children makes everyone get all protecty. But, how many of us would be as unique and lovely as we are if our parents hadn’t messed us up a bit, and given us a tremendous opportunity for growth? 😛
Wow, here I was thinking that every other mother in the world would think I was a terrible mom if they knew that I smoke every once in a while. What a relief! Thank you Offbeat mama for posting this!
As long as we’re discussing parenting and marijuana, I might as well link this book:
“It’s Just a Plant,” by Ricardo Cortés, the guy who did “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
Thanks!!!
The fact that there is a book called “Go the Fuck to Sleep” makes me so super happy. 🙂 Must check it out.
“Go the Fuck to Sleep” might be the best book ever written.
really? let’s just make this discussion even more divisive?
Any argument you can make against pot, you can make x2 against alcohol. I think the point is that if you’re being responsible, you aren’t doing it to the point of hurting people. My brother drinks beer and smokes pot in the evenings and then is a wonderful, loving father to his two children. I don’t see any difference between the beer he has with dinner and the bowl he smokes afterward. (He doesn’t do it in front of the kids.) As for the legal aspects, I think it’s important to teach your children to be critical thinkers and not just blindly follow whatever legal system they are under. And also to teach them the possible consequences of not following it, too!
As a mama who went from being a stoner to having a few puffs in the whole duration of pregnancy to the occasional puff as a nursing mama who plans to keep marijuana in my life permanantly…thank you for this article!! It is so so nice to hear of other mamas who fit marijuana into their life responsibly. My husband smokes every night after baby is asleep. I have the occasional puff after she is asleep and I know she won’t be nursing for hours. I use marijuana as a helpful tool during morning sickness. It just makes sense to me, my family, and lifestyle. I am not sure what we’ll do when she is older. If it was legal, I would be totally honest. But I would hate for my daughter to spread the word that we smoke weed for fear of jail and just the stigma that comes with marijuana. Thanks again!!