I’m a cisgender woman. I was probably in fifth grade or so when I realized that I was attracted to girls as well as boys. But it wasn’t until I was sixteen that I felt comfortable labeling myself as bisexual. For years that’s how I identified.
But I changed. I gained a lot of weight, and the fibromyalgia I already had became worse. I started taking various libido-killing medications. The thought of sex, once an exciting way to express my intimacy, became dull and tiresome. Eventually I named what I was feeling: asexual.
But I still found both men and women attractive, even if I had no interest in sex. Can a person be both bisexual and asexual? There are both sexual and romantic spectrums — am I a biromantic asexual? Am I bisexual but just celibate? What am I?
There was a time when having a label to my sexuality was very important to me because it helped me name what I was. It made me feel more “normal” to know there was a term for what I felt. I recognize some people also might take comfort in knowing a name for how they feel, and that’s perfectly fine.
I’ll tell you now: I still don’t have a nicely labeled answer for what I am. And I don’t care.
Even though I don’t have a name for it, I know what I am. I’m a loving wife. I’m a hard worker. I’m a doting pet-parent. I have a husband who loves me and who accepts me as I am, and that’s really all that matters to me.
My having or not having sex, my attraction to people, all pale in comparison to the major pillars of my personality. Having a label won’t change those vital aspects of Who I Am, so rather than troubling myself with “what am I?”… I’m busy living my life.
Who else has given up on labeling themselves? Or is the idea of fitting into a specific category still super-useful to you?